Infatuation: Why does it happen and how do you kill it?

[sica]

 

One thing though, is that my feelings are too strong. As soon as I got home on Thursday, I "realized" that I'm going to have a terrible weekend and that there is nothing I want to do and that Monday can't come soon enough so I can see her again. Those thoughts make me sick.

 

 

Yep it sucks. For me infatuation takes away the parts of me that would usually be out finding something better to do.

[denise_xo]

The simple question is isn't live richer when you think you love someone even if they don't love you back? I'd much rather that than just proceesing air. Channel it positively and it can make you a better person...

 

Very nicely put.

[brainygirl]

Hmm, interesting opinions all.

 

But what about when its a slightly different situation. When you've known someone rather casually and you find yourself developing deeper feelings for them? When you know that even if they do reciprocate those feelings, any relationship would be doomed because you live 75 miles apart and he intends to move even further away (to live nearer his child) when he finishes his degree program? But you have both tried to just walk away and end up missing eachother and calling or texting and meeting up?

 

What then?

 

Because it looks and sounds like a major heartache waiting to happen and is making me question my choice to move out here to take a job that pays twice what I was earning.

[Teknoe]

This is where you are gonig wrong. You can't be e-mailing and chatting to someone that rejected you. You are still hoping that something might happen one day and that hope will keep you holding on. If you don't enjoy dealing with unrequited feelings, you need to confess, block (IM, e-mail etc) and move on. You can't be friends with someone that you have romantic feelings for, at least not until a loooong time has passed and you have 100% moved on.

 

 

Like I said, she never straight out rejected me. In fact, she said "What were you scared of -- ETERNAL rejection?" and "Right now I see us being in the early stages of our friendship." So it's not like she slammed the door shut in my face.

 

However, I also am not holding my breath. To me, I see that as a half rejection. And as I said earlier, I move on pretty fast. I still want to be friends with her, and so that's why we still contact one another.

 

Am I 100% over her? I'm probably around 90-95... and can control myself when I do contact her and vice versa. I don't believe in walking away completely... contact is infrequent (about 1 email per week and I avoid initiating text messages with her). I think it's good how it is now. We'll see if she ever comes around once she takes care of her end, but again like I said, not holding my breath.

[bac]

You might want to google 'oneitis'.

You have it because you are genetically prone to it. Some people have strong emotional ups and downs. For example, people with bipolar and cyclothymia have the ups and downs. Normal people have the things too but it is less intensive.

 

Your fantasies are not reality. The girls are very different in reality. The best way to treat IF to get to know the real person. Give your fantasies a benefit of doubt. I mean to dig into the girls on a deeper level. That is why a great way to treat IF is to have sex with people.

 

The truth is that the girls have a bunch of bad qualities which you can not stand but you do not know about that. Also, the way how they present themselves in public is probably opposite of who they really are. As for sex, girls can be very bad at sex for many reasons. There is a good chance that after sex with her, you would not want to see her again.

 

If getting to know people does not help you, it means that you are still not in touch with real people but you continue to deny reality and live in your fantasy world.

[somedude81]

You might want to google 'oneitis'.

You have it because you are genetically prone to it. Some people have strong emotional ups and downs. For example, people with bipolar and cyclothymia have the ups and downs. Normal people have the things too but it is less intensive.

I am very well aware of the term oneitis. That's actually the term I would use if I was posting on a seduction board. It's still pretty much the same thing as infatuation or a crush.

 

Being genetically prone to it is an interesting idea. Are some people more prone to it than others?

Your fantasies are not reality. The girls are very different in reality. The best way to treat IF to get to know the real person. Give your fantasies a benefit of doubt. I mean to dig into the girls on a deeper level.

 

The truth is that the girls have a bunch of bad qualities which you can not stand but you do not know about that. Also, the way how they present themselves in public is probably opposite of who they really are.

When I was younger, heck I'd say, up to a few years ago, that the girls were very different in reality. But the girl I'm into now, I'm starting to get to know very well. We just spent about an hour and a half together after class. We got lunch, I had her help me pick out some sunglasses then we walked across campus to the language lab.

 

I know she has flaws but it's not enough to kill my interest in her. The more time I spend with her, the more I will like her. As soon as I got home, I felt very lonely. It's like she's a drug and I need to be around her to feel good. I hate this feeling, it's so stupid

That is why a great way to treat IF is to have sex with people.

 

As for sex, girls can be very bad at sex for many reasons. There is a good chance that after sex with her, you would not want to see her again.

 

If getting to know people does not help you, it means that you are still not in touch with real people but you continue to deny reality and live in your fantasy world.

Having sex with somebody I really like has always been nothing more than a fantasy for me. Till this day, I have not had sex with somebody I like, and that feeling is really eating me up inside.

 

My poor experiences with women, may be a contribute of why I continue to experiences these stupid crushes as an adult. I'm still trying to achieve the things I wanted as a teenager.

 

I would love to have sex with my current crush but the odds of it actually happening are terrible. I'm dropping hints like crazy that I like her. But after spending time with her I really have no idea what she thinks about me. I'm too afraid to ask.

 

I asked her to hang out with me last weekend but she was too busy with school writing papers. But she counter-offered with today instead, which was fun, but not enough. I'm going to ask her out again for this coming weekend. I have a feeling that our current, "relationship" will change, for better or worse.