Girl I asked to "meet up" - no answer

[counterman]

So, there was this girl, who we have plenty of mutual friends with, I asked out earlier in the year. She was the one who said that she only dates friends, people that she knows, but I gathered she wasn't interested in me.

 

Anyways, I needed a favour from her (to do with work), but decided I would get someone else to do it. I proceeded on texting her to ask if she wants to meet up next week for coffee. She doesn't answer. Then, with a sudden change of circumstances, I needed her help again, so I asked again but then she couldn't do it. I asked if she wanted to meet up again and that she could answer with a "no" instead of just not answering at all, via text. She didn't reply, which I thought she wouldn't.

 

Okay, I know she doesn't want to meet up with me. That was made pretty clear. And I am not saying she must answer me or anything. However, I just feel a little foolish for bringing up the idea of meeting up now. I feel a little disrespected as well. I obviously feel that, especially from a mutual friend, I deserve a better answer...than nothing. Even something like "i'm busy" or "sorry, I am not interested" is fine.

 

I am thinking maybe if I called her, I would have had a clearer answer.

 

I am going to leave her alone.

 

What does everyone else think?

[kickintheaz]

your answer is in your 2nd last line... leave her alone..

 

if you'd sent it once and she didn't answer, I'd say there may be a genuine reason, but several times?? she's not interested, sorry!..

 

and don't feel foolish, ya put yourself out there... she's just another of lifes 'flakes' imo from that post...

 

her loss

 

you deserve better treatment...

 

don't acknowledge you ever asked her when ya see her, you bring it up again and you WILL look foolish/desperate.... just treat her as the mutual friend that she is...

 

move on, may sound short and harsh, but only way...

[counterman]

You're right. I do deserve better treatment. Next time I see her, I won't bring it up. She's already seen me in another light from the last time we met. Her behaviour was very flakey... and it was disrespectful.

 

I am asking myself, why did I even bring it up?

 

Do I have feelings for her?

 

I don't know why it happened.

[kickintheaz]

good, glad ya realise that behaviour is not to be tolerated..

 

as to having feelings.. its possible, but, well, ya deffo shouldn't now!!!

 

plenty more fish and all that!!!!..

 

its done, learn the lesson, next time ya wanna ask someone out.. ASK IN PERSON /PHONE... best way, immediate acceptance or rejection... allows ya move on quicker...

[counterman]

Good point. The thing is, I don't think I was intending it to be a date when I asked to meet up. I usually ask girls on dates in person or over the phone but this... I wasn't sure what I was doing.

 

There are plenty more girls, but I don't know why I cam back to this one. Partly, I think, it has to do with the way our last meeting ended. It wasn't that great. All in all, she wasn't interested and I knew that... yet, I had to ask her.

 

It is a lesson I have learnt before, which I thought I cannot possibly unlearn.

 

Part of me wants to use this as motivation to be bigger and better... to even show her. I don't know why I felt this way about this. It's a empty feeling.

[kickintheaz]

hmmm.. could be as simple as 'wanting what ya can't have'... ????

 

and we can all unlearn lessons we learn (just look at the breakup forums on here!!)...

 

as to proving something to her.. rubbish I say.. you only have to prove stuff to yourself to make you strive for better... if this is the motivation for YOU then thats a good thing...

 

the emptiness could be just the fact ya suffered a rejection, regardless what ya meant when ya asked, your ego has taken a wee hit.... happens the best of us Counterman... laugh it off and keep going... she doesn't deserve the thinking or typing time!..

 

or we could go all Freudian on your az and try figure our WHY this particular rejection has you mulling it over so much.....

[counterman]

That's the thing... this particular one. I have been rejected before. I have had my calls not answered and shrugged it off as though nothing has happened. But this... I don't know why I can't let it go so easily.

 

You're right, lessons can be unlearned. But this particular one, I don't know. I even went back on my word that I will never ask a girl out twice if she rejected me the first time; I would never go back. I haven't, until this point.

 

I do have nothing to prove to her or anyone.

 

I think it is because she's the type of girl I like. She's a fun girl, I must admit. But I keep attracting more conservative girls, ones that find my intelligence sexy rather than my overall psersonality. I have met few similar ones, but there are plenty out there, I know it.

 

But, why am I going back to her? is it because when we met up on what I called a "date" and she called a "meet up", I kissed her on the cheek instead of the lips?

[kickintheaz]

I think you may be close to the answer there:

 

I think it is because she's the type of girl I like. She's a fun girl,

 

so you're not entirely happy with the conservative ones who like your intelligence more than the party side of you??? and yet heres a girl, who has brushed you off several times and you find yourself thinking too much about her...

 

hmmmm, perhaps you should change your dating habits then and try find more of her type?? have you ever dated girls like this forbidden fruit before? If not, maybe its time you tried it for a while to see if it IS for you?

 

its possible the conservative girls are actually what you need, and this other girl has simply hit the 'the grass may perhaps be greener' nerve in you??

 

as to the kissing cheek vs lips.. well I don't prescribe to that theory that you HAVE to kiss on the lips first time out... if it didn't feel right, then you were right not to kiss her...

the fact that she called it a 'meet up' speaks volumes on her part and perhaps an awkward moment was avoided by NOT going in for the kiss..

[counterman]

I have just been seeing conservative girls. It's usually like a meeting or two, and then I cannot go on any longer. I think that makes them even more interested for some reason...

 

I don't mind that they like be because they think I am smart... but I wan a girl that's more outgoing... one that plays towards my extroverted side. A fun, spontaneous girl.

 

I think I should try and meet girls more of her type. But, the issue is, most girls see me as the "smart" and "studious" type and it might be an issue for them because they associate other stereotypes to it. But, I have yet to date a girl like this... so I will definitely go for it.

 

She might have... but the last few girls I were interested in failed to keep me interested enough to go on further. The grass always seems to be greener when I meet a girl... it's not like the girls I meet aren't good enough. I am just not attracted enough to keep things rolling.

 

I want to feel that excitement to want to see a girl again. I want to go to clubs with her. I want do be able to make-out and try things without having to be too over-concerned about whether it would upset her.

 

She said it was a meet up after we met up. As for during, I thought it was date but didn't end it as a date should. In hindsight, I didn't show my intentions enough to make it certain it was a date. She let me touch her and get close to her but all she took out of it was that it was a friendly encounter. I probably did avoid an awkward moment though... she's been telling some friends about how I asked her out and stuff. Everyone knows about what happened and, as much as I don't care what people think, I don't want a reputation.

 

I will be moving on though. Strictly, no contact with her. I doubt she would contact me but if she does, I am not responding.

[dispatch3d]

people avoid confrontation.

 

stop taking it personally.

[counterman]

You're right. I did not know why I took it so.

 

It usually rolls right off me.

 

I'll be right.

[Pfiend101]

Its the chicken way out. From immature people who can't just be honest with someone. I've been in the same situation alot recently. I find this to happen frequently with online dating.