Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 How does one do that? I found a quality woman, she eventually left me, go figure. The other women I met either left me after one date or friend zoned me. Keep in mind, I payed for the dates. Paying doesn't guarantee happily ever after, but not paying guarantees most quality women won't date you again. Pick your odds.
collegeguy_24 Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Well, I can't "dump" someone after ONE date. But yes. Admittedly, there was a very nice, super good looking, very funny, smart, charming, successful dude that I went on a date with over the summer... and he LET ME PAY for half of the first date. It bothered me. A lot. I was actually really torn about it, I didn't know what it "meant." But regardless of what it "meant," it bothered me enough that when he suggested we go out again, I actually said no. The right guy for me would never let me pay for half of the first date. Just to start, I'm not picking a side here, but re-read this post. Do you have any idea how selfish this makes you look? I'm not sure if your like that in real life, but seriously, this looks pretty bad.
USMCHokie Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 How does one do that? I found a quality woman, she eventually left me, go figure. The other women I met either left me after one date or friend zoned me. Keep in mind, I payed for the dates. Paying for dates and being a gentleman doesn't guarantee a girl will stay with you... But if a girl doesn't appreciate you being a gentleman, that will certainly guarantee an insta-LAUNCH... That's what I meant...
Mad Max Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 and why not? no job there? wanted by the law? not enough rich women to pay for the company of "universally good -looking men" like you? what's up? Because I have a good job and all my family is here.
tami-chan Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Not only that, but he went over every bill item and was adding them up (including cents) and then gave me my total Anyway, back to the OP, if this happened to me, I would have just gotten the bill from him and insisted on paying for the both of us and would have asked him if he drove and if he did, does he need gas money and if he didn't , would he need taxi money......!
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I just want her to like me for my personality... ...which is inextricably linked to whether you're a gentleman. She's not looking at the size of your wallet, she's looking to see if you treat her like a lady. Even the most independent of women wants to be treated like a lady. The sooner you understand that, the happier you'll be in your romantic relationships.
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Just to start, I'm not picking a side here, but re-read this post. Do you have any idea how selfish this makes you look? I'm not sure if your like that in real life, but seriously, this looks pretty bad. I'm the least selfish person on the planet, but it's your prerogative to think otherwise.
collegeguy_24 Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Your personality is reflected in your actions... And everyone seems to associate paying for a first date as a requirement that you take a girl out to the most expensive restaurant in the city and you shower her with gifts...where they heck do you make that jump in logic?! Paying for the first date could mean paying for a cup of coffee at the local coffee shop, or an inexpensive (or expensive) meal at a restaurant, or even paying for a damn ferry across the river to go hiking at the park on the island...it's not how much the guy pays, it's that the guy paid... I have to agree with this, a simple cup of coffee or tea to get to know someone can count as a date. Its not expensive and you can get a feel for each other. Seriously, is any guy here going to miss 3 bucks for coffee?
tami-chan Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Because I have a good job and all my family is here. Lame...be a man and have the b*lls and go where you are happy... and where the women will pay for you and find you "handsome"....
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I have to agree with this, a simple cup of coffee or tea to get to know someone can count as a date. Its not expensive and you can get a feel for each other. Seriously, is any guy here going to miss 3 bucks for coffee? Okay, so the cost matters to you. What if I were to tell you that my half of the date was $5? Now do you think I'm selfish?
collegeguy_24 Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I'm the least selfish person on the planet, but it's your prerogative to think otherwise. I wasn't trying to insult you, I was simply pointing out how your words were phrased that made it look bad.
twhisperer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Okay, so the cost matters to you. What if I were to tell you that my half of the date was $5? Now do you think I'm selfish? If someone dumped a perfectly good man, because he asked you to chip in $5.00, then it would appear so, no?
USMCHokie Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Yea and your principle is universal and must be followed by everyone? Uh...I don't think I have ever once purported on LS that any of my views or experiences were absolute or universal truth...so I'm not sure how you jumped to that conclusion... But no, it's what works for me...and my belief that men should act like gentlemen...that's all...
sweetjasmine Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 And everyone seems to associate paying for a first date as a requirement that you take a girl out to the most expensive restaurant in the city and you shower her with gifts...where they heck do you make that jump in logic?! Oh, it's very easy to make that jump in logic, provided you begin with the assumption that all women are spoiled, entitled, princess b-tches who want to such every last penny out of you and then throw you in the trash when they're done. Paying for the first date could mean paying for a cup of coffee at the local coffee shop, or an inexpensive (or expensive) meal at a restaurant, or even paying for a damn ferry across the river to go hiking at the park on the island...it's not how much the guy pays, it's that the guy paid... I agree, it's absolutely about the gesture. And for what it's worth, if you're paying and you're resentful about it because you think it's something you have to do, that's one of the biggest turn-offs there is. When I treat my SO or cook him dinner, it's because I want to share that with him, and sharing the experience is more important to me than the money I'm dropping on it. And to be fair, I wouldn't be too bothered by splitting the bill on a first date, if it was something like a lunch or dinner. I wouldn't insta-launch a guy if we ended up doing that, unless he took OG's date's approach, with the calculations down to the last penny . But if he insisted on paying for whatever it was, I would appreciate the gesture very much and, yeah, it would make me feel like he's more interested. And if we just got a cup of coffee, and he insisted on paying separately, I would take it as a sign that he's not particularly interested.
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I wasn't trying to insult you, I was simply pointing out how your words were phrased that made it look bad. I'm not insulted. The words are my reality, and the way I meant to phrase them. I simply will not accept a second date if he lets me pay for any portion of the first date, regardless if it's a $3 coffee or a $100 dinner. That's not me being selfish, that's not me being a princess, that's not me being a snotty high school-like girl. That's me expecting to date a gentleman. If you don't like it, don't date girls like me. I guess you'll never know which kind of girl your date is until AFTER you paid though. So maybe you should just stop paying altogether, and see what doormats you can pick up.
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 If someone dumped a perfectly good man, because he asked you to chip in $5.00, then it would appear so, no? A "perfectly good man" would not ask a woman to "chip in" on the date.
jerbear Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Anyway, back to the OP, if this happened to me, I would have just gotten the bill from him and insisted on paying for the both of us and would have asked him if he drove and if he did, does he need gas money and if he didn't , would he need taxi money......! This happened to me once; it is really annoying to have that happen on the first meeting or even first date.
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I agree, it's absolutely about the gesture. And for what it's worth, if you're paying and you're resentful about it because you think it's something you have to do, that's one of the biggest turn-offs there is. And if we just got a cup of coffee, and he insisted on paying separately, I would take it as a sign that he's not particularly interested. Ding ding ding!!!
twhisperer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Oh how I love when true colors finally come out.
collegeguy_24 Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I'm not insulted. The words are my reality, and the way I meant to phrase them. I simply will not accept a second date if he lets me pay for any portion of the first date, regardless if it's a $3 coffee or a $100 dinner. That's not me being selfish, that's not me being a princess, that's not me being a snotty high school-like girl. That's me expecting to date a gentleman. If you don't like it, don't date girls like me. I guess you'll never know which kind of girl your date is until AFTER you paid though. So maybe you should just stop paying altogether, and see what doormats you can pick up. Was your entire response directed at me? Cause I never mentioned you being a snotty princess, that was someone else thank you very much. And I'm not looking for a doormat, I am looking for someone who likes me for me, I still pay because its how I was raised, and sometimes you go with what you know.
classof2014 Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I know lots of girls that like the guy to pay on dates. I know lots of girls that don't like the guy to pay on dates. Some will dump a guy if he doesn't pay and some will dump a guy if he doesn't pay if he initiated, some will dump a guy if he doesn't let her pay half, etc. It really depends on the woman. No one method is better. Its best to always offer to pay, and then feel out her response. Lots of girls I know (especially successful ones) feel insulted after the guy keeps insisting on paying the full tab.
tami-chan Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 So I'm going to go back home where I don't have a job or any family? Good move. You sound bitter. Maybe you should focus less on my views and looks and more on yourself. Probably got turned down or played by a good looking guy. Yeah, I can play your game too. LOL...bitter...YEAH...riiiight~~~~ . I am poor and ugly...and got dumped..not by good-looking men, mind you...but ugly men,,,ugh..Life sucks!!!!:lmao:!!!!!
welikeincrowds Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I really don't get this whole "I won't pay for the lady" thing. It sounds suspiciously like "I don't tip." And besides, don't you get any joy out of treating someone? Any way I look at it, it's a negative. Stingy ("I can't afford to pay for your $10 sandwich!"). Insecure ("Can't she see that I'm valuable? Well, I'll show her when the bill comes!"). Arrogant ("Heh, pay? This bitch should be sucking my dictoes. My dictoes."). Naive ("She'll love me for being a maverick, playing by my own rules."). But still, the main problem is that you don't derive any pleasure out of it. I just simply like taking people out. Buying them a drink. It's supposed to be fun! I would hate to pull you Scrooges as my Secret Santa. Looking forward to that $5 laser pointer you picked up at the gift store across the street from your office, a**hole. At least pretend to care. NEXT.
dispatch3d Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Well, I can't "dump" someone after ONE date. But yes. Admittedly, there was a very nice, super good looking, very funny, smart, charming, successful dude that I went on a date with over the summer... and he LET ME PAY for half of the first date. It bothered me. A lot. I was actually really torn about it, I didn't know what it "meant." But regardless of what it "meant," it bothered me enough that when he suggested we go out again, I actually said no. The right guy for me would never let me pay for half of the first date. I actually feel sorry for you. I hope you change your viewpoint.
tami-chan Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 This happened to me once; it is really annoying to have that happen on the first meeting or even first date. Hi jerbear! what happened to you? clarify?
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