shlee Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 do you buy birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day/Father's Day/Anniversary presents for your SO's parents? Does it depends on how often you see your SO's parents, or how long you've been together or what? Does your SO pick out and buy the gift but put your name on the card? (Ex, this one gift is from US: this is what my sister does for her SO....she just buys a gift and puts both their names on the card.) In other words, how do you handle these situations, and what kinds of circumstances dictate how the situation is handled? I'm mostly interested in the above questions, but for background the reason I am asking is that for the last 2 years I have had to purchase birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day and anniversary gifts for my SO's parents and siblings, plus other small gifts like wine or flowers when visiting them, while he has not ever bought anything for my parents or family members. We see his family all the ****ing time, but my parents live further away.
IceIceBaby Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 This is a good question. I was with my last boyfriend for four years. He gladly accepted Christmas and birthday gifts from my parents and sister and never once even brought a card for them. I think when you start getting around that year mark maybe cards/small gifts might be nice.
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I'm mostly interested in the above questions, but for background the reason I am asking is that for the last 2 years I have had to purchase birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day and anniversary gifts for my SO's parents and siblings, plus other small gifts like wine or flowers when visiting them, while he has not ever bought anything for my parents or family members. We see his family all the ****ing time, but my parents live further away. I don't know why it matters WHEN in the RELATIONSHIP you do it, seeing as you're doing it but your SO isn't. Why isn't he, since you are? With my ex, we started dating in November and by Mother's Day I was buying his parents the appropriate gifts/cards/flowers. So...6 months.
Author shlee Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 I don't know why it matters WHEN in the RELATIONSHIP you do it, seeing as you're doing it but your SO isn't. Why isn't he, since you are? All of my questions were with regards to how other people do things...so WHEN in the RELATIONSHIP may or may not matter in some people's relationships. In my own R it appears that the emphasis is on how often we see each other's families, which as I stated his family is all the damn time, while parents live much further away. I only get to see my parents about twice a year. Of course there are other factors, but frequency of contact appears to be the biggest factor for us. I'm 65% sure that I've decided this is a BS reason for me to have to spend so much time AND money on his family while he doesn't do anything for mine, when making a good impression is probably even more important in his case, since we never do get to see my family...but I want to see how other people do things and what factors they take into consideration.
make me believe Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 It just depends on your relationship with your SO's family. I was with my last boyfriend for three years and never once bought his parents a gift. They lived nearby and we saw them regularly, but it was always kinda strange... they were good people, but VERY hard to get to know past a surface level. Even after three years I always felt awkward around them, even though my ex always told me how much they loved me. (And two years later, his dad still asks him if we're getting back together ) So I don't think distance or how much time you spend together matters as much as how close you are to them. If you aren't close, I doubt they'd expect you to get them anything. Maybe sign your name on the card if your SO wants you to. But I gotta say, I find it kind of strange to buy your SO's parents Mother's/Father's Day gifts. I guess if you're VERY close to them... but otherwise....? Shlee, if you have an issue with how many gifts you are buying your BF's family, just talk to him about it or stop doing it. Remember, you don't HAVE to buy them gifts all the time. I mean, mother's day gifts, anniversary gifts, Christmas gifts, AND birthday gifts?? That seems excessive to me. But if you're doing it willingly, you can't really complain about it. I doubt anyone said you HAD to buy his sibling an anniversary gift, you know?
that girl Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I think it really depends on the relationship. I buy holiday or birthday gifts if I am spending that day with them or we have a close relationship. I've never bought anyone I'm not related to a mother's day or father's day present. I think I would only start doing that if I had a child (in which case I would buy gifts for my in laws from my child). Otherwise, I would feel strange. I think a lot of women start doing the gift giving for the entire couple, which is fine but personally I'm more likely to say "Oh, I saw something your mom would probably like, here is the link" rather than just buy it for him. That way I'm not stepping on his toes if he has plans or making myself the designated present buyer. Incidentally, this is also something I do with my family in general- if I've bought my presents but I see something that would make a great gift, I suggest it as a gift for someone else to buy. OP- Your boyfriend either isn't thoughtful or he is a little dense. I think the way to handle it would have been to say to him "I'm buying your mom and dad this for Christmas. What are you thinking of getting my folks?" That way you're letting him know this would be a good idea. It is a bit tricky to do that 2 years later, but I think you should bring it up.
Author shlee Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 I buy holiday or birthday gifts if I am spending that day with them I think is probably why I always end up being in a situation where I am expected to bring a gift. I'm still curious about other people's situations, if they care to post. For myself, I think in future I am going to suggest that we get something for his family members "together" and do the same for my family. We can just sign each other's cards and call it even.
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