welikeincrowds Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Sometimes people will put up a boundary that they don't wholeheartedly believe in, because they feel it's expected of them. In these cases, it's almost as if they're looking for permission to do whatever it is they really want to do. One could say in response to this that it's sometimes romantic or honest to lightly test those boundaries. For example: "I really should be getting home." "No. I want you to spend the night." "But, who will water the azaleas?" "They'll be fine. Stay." "...OK. :love:" On the other hand, when someone doesn't respect the boundaries of others, not only are they risking being a ****heel, but they could also appear very unattractive in the process. It's a fine line from nagging. So when do you think it's OK to test a boundary, and when do you think it's inappropriate? Or is it ever OK to test a boundary? Do you have fond memories of when people took a risk and read you correctly? Do you have unpleasant memories of when someone you were otherwise interested in seemed not to be listening to you? Share anything that comes to mind.
Sabali Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Hey, you only live once. Test those F#%&'n boundaries. I tested boundaries last weekend with success and I will be testing boundaries this weekend. It ain't even a thing to me.
Tiberius Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Outside the workplace where you dont put yourself or the company at risk I guess. Cant blame the women who sue, who can honestly say he would let a chance pass to get a couple of millions in damages?
Sabali Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Outside the workplace where you dont put yourself or the company at risk I guess. Cant blame the women who sue, who can honestly say he would let a chance pass to get a couple of millions in damages? In most workplaces, you have at least one opportunity to approach someone and if they turn you down, that's it. Any more attempts will count against you but, of course, you can't sexually assault someone on that first attempt. Once that person starts to go out with you, you can then test those boundaries.
Tripp1 Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Hey, you only live once. Test those F#%&'n boundaries. I tested boundaries last weekend with success and I will be testing boundaries this weekend. It ain't even a thing to me. Well said. Louis CK didn't test the boundaries, take a look But in all seriousness, it's ok to push it a little because sometimes the person you are with wants to know you really want them. I don't like the games personally, but a lot of people want to know that the person they are with is a MAN or a WOMAN and doesn't give up easily. Don't be too forceful but definitely see where you can take it. Don't test boundaries at work. Just on dates and really don't push TOO FAR. How far is too far? That's different with every person. You have to really calibrate to the situation. See how they are feeling, don't force anything sexual on a girl if nothing even remotely sexual has even happened yet. Tripp
florence of suburbia Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Did you mean sexually, or just any sort of relationship boundary?
Sabali Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Did you mean sexually, or just any sort of relationship boundary? Does it really matter?
florence of suburbia Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Does it really matter? Yes, because I don't want to go off topic.
Sabali Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Yes, because I don't want to go off topic. Just talk boundaries and see where this baby heads. I am sure it will be interesting. You seem like you have some good stories to tell. Tell them.
Author welikeincrowds Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 Did you mean sexually, or just any sort of relationship boundary? I don't think it matters. The topic could really be anything. "I'm afraid of swimming" could mean "I don't want to go swimming," or it could mean "I want to go swimming but only if you take me." I suppose it's always a game of some kind, played by people who are indirect about their desires. In a perfect world, everyone would be secure in knowing what they really want all the time, and would ask for it directly, without fear. Instead, everyone goes through periods of indecisiveness and apprehension. I guess the discussion is about when it is/was appropriate to play along and push, and when it isn't/wasn't.
florence of suburbia Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I know what you're saying. It can be very hard to interpret when someone is holding back, whether they want you to reach out or to go away. I'm usually hesitant to push because I hate having my own boundaries violated. In the last few years I've taken more chances and been more direct because I'm more clear on what I want, and walking on eggshells all the time wasn't getting me anywhere. The problem with either scenario is that we're hoping to control the other person's reaction. Like, "If I back off, they'll like me more," or "If I reach out, they'll reciprocate." In the end, you base your actions on what works for you and let the other person sort out what works for them. It is hard, though.
Lemontang Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I think my Azaleas just died. But yes it is good to test boundaries, failure to do so will often put you in the friend zone. I learn't this very quickly and found if your not prepared to take the initiative (and I mean that on all levels) then your clearly prepared to be just a friend.
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