TooAccepting32 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 (edited) We met on POF, he asked for exclusive and for me to be his girl. I wanted that so I agreed. He said he's my man, he's "aallll mine", he said he's so crazy in love with me etc... He said he hasn't been talking to anyone else blah blah. He said a few times that he was thinking of taking his POF profile down, but that never actually happened so I kept mine up too. I just stopped going on. I asked him to email me so I didn't have to log on there bcause it generates messages when you go on. Stupid me I haven't been going on... we had an argument, it got resolved, he said he's even more attracted to me because of the way I handled it. So the next night I went on POF to make my profile invisible to new searches. He was hanging out on there. Not just momentary on and off.... It wasn't to take his profile down or make it invisible because it's still there and visible. I don't know if he's been going there all along.. but I do know he said he wasn't and wasn't talking to anyone else. I ask myself ... is there any good excuse for a bf/gf to be on there other than to do something that reduces or eliminates contact with others on there? I am trying to keep my wits about me here. I tend to fall for excuses or lies. It seems to me that his words and actions aren't matching up and that's the end now. Rather than talking to him about it and giving him an opportunity to manipulate me and suck me in. I don't think there's much to talk about - bf on POF = line already crossed. what do you think? Edited October 5, 2010 by TooAccepting32
Andy_K Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I think you're being too passive and not communicating enough. So he said he was thinking of taking his profile down. What did you say? My guess was that when he said this he was fishing for an answer. Chances are, he wanted you to say that you'd like the two of you to both take your profiles down. It reads as if you didn't say that, so he's kept his up. If you don't give feedback and express your preferences, don't expect actions that line up with what you want. It sounds like he's been the one putting himself out there from day one, asking to be exclusive etc, whilst you've just gone along with whatever. As for going on... you don't know how often he's been there, nor if he's talking to anyone online, nor his intentions if he is. So what you do from here is simple. You say that you'd like the two of you to delete your profiles. If he agrees, and does so without hesitation, you almost certainly have nothing to worry about. If he protests, finds feeble excuses, or refuses at the very least to make it clear on his profile that he's not looking for anyone, then you've got serious problems...
Serenitynow Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Rather than talking to him about it I agree with you 100% talking to someone in a relationship is the worst idea
Author TooAccepting32 Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 Ok thanks for the advice so far. You're probably right that he may have been probing. I may not have been picking up on some indirectness. yea talking is important if there's a relationsip and a point. If he's saying he's in love with me and is all mine, but talkign to other girls on POF, then there is no relationship and no point. Sometimes if the line has already been crossed and the writing is on the wall, discussion just gives an opening to reenter into something that should be ended. I don't care if the profile is up.. I just expect accuracy. Either we're together or we're exploring other options. If someone says one thing and does another I can't rely on him and don't want him. From what I hear the writing may not be on the wall. I don't know why he was there..... but I don't know if that's important. Thanks for the wise and reasonable advice. I've got to let it absorb
irc333 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Funny, I emailed a woman on POF that said, "I've recently started dating someonen, so good luck in your search" I keep seeing her as "online now" she signs in on a daily basis though, so when I saw that, I responded to her and said, "oh okay, in case things don't work out...I'll check in again" lol We met on POF, he asked for exclusive and for me to be his girl. I wanted that so I agreed. He said he's my man, he's "aallll mine", he said he's so crazy in love with me etc... He said he hasn't been talking to anyone else blah blah. He said a few times that he was thinking of taking his POF profile down, but that never actually happened so I kept mine up too. I just stopped going on. I asked him to email me so I didn't have to log on there bcause it generates messages when you go on. Stupid me I haven't been going on... we had an argument, it got resolved, he said he's even more attracted to me because of the way I handled it. So the next night I went on POF to make my profile invisible to new searches. He was hanging out on there. Not just momentary on and off.... It wasn't to take his profile down or make it invisible because it's still there and visible. I don't know if he's been going there all along.. but I do know he said he wasn't and wasn't talking to anyone else. I ask myself ... is there any good excuse for a bf/gf to be on there other than to do something that reduces or eliminates contact with others on there? I am trying to keep my wits about me here. I tend to fall for excuses or lies. It seems to me that his words and actions aren't matching up and that's the end now. Rather than talking to him about it and giving him an opportunity to manipulate me and suck me in. I don't think there's much to talk about - bf on POF = line already crossed. what do you think?
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