Woggle Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I often wonder why I am often so negative towards women when I have a great marriage and the drama from the past is long gone and it clicked. I expect the worst from women so they can never dissapoint me. When a woman betrays a man or lets him down it is no big deal to me anymore because she is simply doing what I expected her to do. There is no room for dissapointment or letdown with this kind of view. On the other hand when a woman genuinely does something good for a man and genuinely loves him and treats him well I am pleasently suprised. I am genuinely shocked when I see a woman that has been married more than five years who still loves and is attracted to her husband and it puts me in such a good mood to hear this. My way of thinking only leaves room for pleasent surprise and maybe that is better than expecting a lot from women and only being let down.
AD1980 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Its a defensive mechanism to keep your sanity if the worst case scenario happens.. Most of us do it on some level..I cant get women attracted to me so i tell myself its never gonna happen and if it ever does ill be pleasantly surprised but if it doesnt i wont be hanging myself by a noose becasue i already prepared myself for it..
whichwayisup Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I think it's best you just worry about your own woman, your wife and detach from the outside world of what others do or don't do. Been telling you this for years now, but LOVE your wife, let her LOVE you. Accept that she married you, is STILL married to you and not going to leave you. She's been there through thick and thin. Not let you down. Right?
D-Lish Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I think when you hold yourself to a certain standard, you'll automatically attract others that meet your standards.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I have a similar defense mechanism. I assume that most men are not really content with one woman and will cheat or get bored with her. Right now, I am protecting myself from being hurt by men, but I am also not letting one in to love me. At this point, I think only an extraordinary man could get me to let down my guard. And then, no matter how great he is, I assume it will end in pain.
johan Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 It's great to see you finally putting some thought into this.
CLC2008 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I often wonder why I am often so negative towards women when I have a great marriage and the drama from the past is long gone and it clicked. I expect the worst from women so they can never dissapoint me. When a woman betrays a man or lets him down it is no big deal to me anymore because she is simply doing what I expected her to do. There is no room for dissapointment or letdown with this kind of view. On the other hand when a woman genuinely does something good for a man and genuinely loves him and treats him well I am pleasently suprised. I am genuinely shocked when I see a woman that has been married more than five years who still loves and is attracted to her husband and it puts me in such a good mood to hear this. My way of thinking only leaves room for pleasent surprise and maybe that is better than expecting a lot from women and only being let down. This is good. So, when are you taking your lovely wife out to dinner?
denise_xo Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I think there's a very important distinction between going through life without expectations, and going through life without expectations and judging the world (or vast categories of people) negatively at the same time.
GooseChaser Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 (edited) I'd like to say that it makes me happy to see when you mention that something you see helps your view of women to be more positive, like when you observe women acting in a good way or notice that we have empathy for men's feelings in many situations. It's just not the best thing to do to generalize such a large group; after all, women consist of 50% of the human population. Some will be good, some will be bad. Rather than seeing women as terrible, why not attribute it to the larger human nature and recognize that men and women can act just as poorly as each other, and they also have potential to live in a good, respectable, harmonious, and happy way. Edited October 5, 2010 by GooseChaser
that girl Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 On the other hand when a woman genuinely does something good for a man and genuinely loves him and treats him well I am pleasently suprised. I am genuinely shocked when I see a woman that has been married more than five years who still loves and is attracted to her husband and it puts me in such a good mood to hear this. My way of thinking only leaves room for pleasent surprise and maybe that is better than expecting a lot from women and only being let down. This is a rose colored way of looking at misogyny, but it is still misogyny. Roughly half the people in the world are women and you look down on them. You think men are better people than women. There is no way that isn't negatively effecting you and those around you. And frankly, I would be offended if someone was "pleasantly surprised" that I manage to both have a vagina and be a decent human being. It is insulting, like being surprised when someone who is muslim isn't a jihadist.
TouchedByViolet Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Your feelings are totally understandable. After living through years of repetitive disappointment and heartbreak your response is only natural. Other people often cannot relate to this unless they have suffered on an equal scale. I have been screwed over or rejected by women since childhood and so I have no positive emotions left in my heart for women who do not prove interest and character value to me first. At least I won't get hurt so bad if things don't work out.
Author Woggle Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 It's not that I think men are better people but when I observe how a good percentage of women around me and other women act what am I supposed to think?
Cee Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I have the knack to see the good in most people. I cultivate that quality by being observant and understanding that the good in people is often a quiet thing. I remember when my father died at home via hospice, there was a vigil by my dad's bedside. My mother's women friends came over and made tea and food. They all sat in a circle not saying anything while my mom cried and told stories. My dad died in my mother's arms that night. I had a health crisis one year ago & friends stepped up to the plate (as well as my mom and two sisters). They were so great to me and I was humbled that they loved me even though I put them through hell by mismanaging by health. I could give you countless stories of the goodness of women (and men). But really, you need to experience it for yourself. Asking for help is a great way of experiencing goodness. But try not to test people, try to be humble and ask for help. You will be surprised by the result. People you thought would help, don't & people you thought would never help will.
Author Woggle Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 I know there are good women but I think it is a better idea to leave room for pleasent surprise rather than dissapointment.
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