C'est La Vie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Short story: I met a guy (we'll call John) last Friday through a mutual friend, and I like him. Physical appearance is alright, but what really attracted me to him was his personality. So basically... we haven't even known each other two weeks yet, and I already have a bit of a crush on him. John and I have not hung out one-on-one. We've hung out twice, each time with our mutual friends. We were at the same party of Saturday night, and I talked to a mutual friend (who has known John for a at least a year, if not longer). Our friend told me that John got out of a relationship at the beginning of this year, and he is definitely over it and has had his "rebounds" and whatnot, but that John has some growing up he needs to do (he is 23). He said that, at the moment, chances are John doesn't want anything "real" but that he couldn't be 100% positive. I've told three of our mutual friends that I like John. I don't THINK that they've told John, but... it'd make my life a bit easier if they did. Haha. Anyways, I don't know how to approach this... John and I are Facebook friends, and we get along great in person. However, we haven't even exchanged numbers. I figured if he really wanted to talk to me, he would figure out a way to do so, right? Get on Facebook, ask a friend for my number, look at my number on Facebook... there are numerous ways. But he hasn't, which makes me think he probably doesn't have any interest. But he was sooo nice to me. It was cold out that night, and he gave me his jacket + blanket while we were outside, and he stayed out in shorts and a t-shirt. And he was kind of joking-flirty with me, it seemed. I... don't know what to think. I just know that I like him, and would like to get to know him better. But I don't know how to approach the situation. I mean, I would "Facebook" him and ask him for his # or something, but... I don't want to make things awkward between us, or our friends... I guess I would just like to know that there's a possibility he COULD like me before I make any sort of moves and mess up what could be the start of a new friendship, ha.
FL Lady Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I'm not getting vibes that he likes you more than a friend right now. It takes time and right now you both should be playing the field. Be flirty with NO expectations.
EasyHeart Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 He knows you well enough that if he wanted to ask you out, he would. If he's not looking for any kind of serious relationship, he might not be interested in you because he sees you as a potential girlfriend. I always divide women I'm interested in into "dating girls" and "relationship girls". If I meet a "relationship girl" when I'm not interested in a relationship, I won't pursue her, because I don't want to get involved with someone when I'm not available for a relationship. Kind of a "I don't want to start something I know I can't finish" kind of thing. Stay in touch, be friendly, but give him space. If you chase, you will push him away for sure.
Author C'est La Vie Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 Thanks for the replies, y'all! FL Lady, I agree completely with what you said. I rarely EVER "expect" anything to come from something/someone I am pursuing. I would say it happens with every 1-in-1000 guys that I "crush" on, lol. EasyHeart, I see what you're saying there. To be honest, I've done quite a bit of thinking the past couple of days and... I don't even know if I SHOULD try to pursue him. Why? Because... I genuinely like him. I pursue/flirt with A LOT of guys, but I usually don't really have a strong interest in them. I do it...just for fun/attention, sadly. But see, I like him... and I'm not sure if I'm "ready" to give up my "freedom" to be able to flirt with whomever I want, even though I pretty much have zero "relationship" interest in those I flirt with. I really like this guy and want to get to know him... but it'd be wrong of me to bring him into something I couldn't fully commit to. It's kind of like what you said that you do... I divide my men up into three categories: Friends, flirt/date/casual, and relationship. I find it very hard to flirt, show interest in, etc., with those that I find "relationship suitable." I mean, I know I'm ready to let love in again... to love and be loved... but I'm just scared of losing my freedom and getting tangled up with another guy who suffocates me, I guess.
waynebrady Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Most people on here will tell you not to make a move on him. And that's because they are women and that's typical female advice to let the guy pursue you and let him do all the work and initiate every contact and so on. Because that makes things easier for you as a woman. Most men wouldn't mind at all if a woman made the first move, it's a myth invented by women that men don't like it or get scared away if the woman does the "chasing". Offcourse there are exceptions but most men would like it. The "if he was intrested he would approach you" logic doesn't always work either. From what I have seen most men don't actually like making the first move they just do it because if they don't then they will never get a girl. Men can be shy too. Anyway. Women never make the first move no matter what. It has never happened and it will never happen. So the chances are you won't either.
Author C'est La Vie Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 Most people on here will tell you not to make a move on him. And that's because they are women and that's typical female advice to let the guy pursue you and let him do all the work and initiate every contact and so on. Because that makes things easier for you as a woman. Most men wouldn't mind at all if a woman made the first move, it's a myth invented by women that men don't like it or get scared away if the woman does the "chasing". Offcourse there are exceptions but most men would like it. The "if he was intrested he would approach you" logic doesn't always work either. From what I have seen most men don't actually like making the first move they just do it because if they don't then they will never get a girl. Men can be shy too. Anyway. Women never make the first move no matter what. It has never happened and it will never happen. So the chances are you won't either. Well, thanks for the bit of insight... But actually, I've made the first move on just about every man I've dated/had a relationship with. I just don't know if it's "wise" to do it with this guy, because... I don't feel as if he has really shown any "real" signs of interest, if you know what I mean.
Author C'est La Vie Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 After reading your post closely I think he does seem interested. I guess you just have to take your chances. If he turns out to be no good then you can just leave him. At least you wont be wondering anymore. Make a move on him but dont act desperate. Show him that you are interested but dont make him think that you are head over heels for him. This is a common guideline that guys use when they are pursuing a girl. In that case then you can only rely on your own judgment since we dont know the guy. Can I ask you what it was that made you think he may be a bit interested? I don't know how to "show" him that I'm interested. When it comes to guys that I genuinely like, I can't really flirt that well. I'm pretty blunt - straight and to the point. I tend to just tell them, "I like you" and that's that. It's the guys I'm NOT really interested in that I can flirt with easily, and they usually think I'm interested. -sigh- Honestly, I REALLY don't think he's a bad guy. And our mutual friends have all known him for a year+, and I know for sure that a couple of them would tell me if he was a "bad news" type guy. But the only thing that I've been told is... "He still needs to grow up" and "He's probably not ready for anything serious." I guess I'm looking too much into it and thinking... if he were interested, he would at least be trying to talk to me beyond the party and stuff, right? Although, when we were at the party the other night, I met his roommate. When we introduced ourselves to each other, his roomie was like, "Oh yeah! I've heard your name mentioned! The other day when I asked John who all would be coming tonight, and he mentioned your name." - But again, I don't really think that means anything special. Just a name drop.
Author C'est La Vie Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 But then again, maybe he wasn't flirting? Maybe he's just naturally friendly with everybody. And, I guess it's pretty fortunate for me that I don't like the idea of marriage. Long-term relationships, I can do; marriage, is the furthest from being a "goal" of mine anytime soon. He and I have no direct forms of communication beyond Facebook, which he rarely logs onto. His number is posted on Facebook, yes, but I'm not going to be the creepy girl who sent him a text/called him by looking his number up on Facebook (or asking a friend to give me his number). I can do the direct approach in telling him I like him, but... I cannot make myself out to be a "stalker" or whatever. As much as I would like to get to know him better and all, it's probably best if I just...let it be. If he's interested, he'll come around. Right? *Shrug* What's meant to happen, will happen.
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