lebbis Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I'll sum up my previous thread. Engaged, been with a girl for 3.5 years. Love her, but don't feel 'in love' her (only going on what I think this means). Told her I met a girl while she was away, gets upset, and after 6 hours of talking agree to try to improve things now that I've told her all my grievances. I figured I owed it to her, and this past week she has been noticeably different in a positive way - though I am skeptical that everything will find its normal state in a few months time. She also asked me not to contact the other girl while we were working on things, so I agreed. I found out a few hours ago that she is planning to meet an old guy friend of hers when she goes back to her hometown, and her intentions are to 'get ****ed up', and to 'rub it in my face that another guy showed her a good time and see how it feels to me'. I don't know why it only gets me slightly jealous. Don't know why I'm not bothered as much as I think I should be. I am, however, bothered that she made it a point for me to refrain contact with the other girl in the name of 'focusing on us', and is now planning something quite the opposite. I suppose I understand that she is hurt and is questioning her value as a woman, but I can't help but to feel this is hypocritical. As of now, I'm debating whether or not I should confront her about it or let things carry on naturally. I was willing to try to work things out, but if she's thinking this way and acts on it, I will consider this a failed test. Thoughts?
that girl Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 You really don't have much right to get pissy when you just told your fiance of 3.5 years (!?) that you met another girl. It sounds like you want out of the relationship and you are looking for a way to blame her. If you want out, you should get out, but you've still acted poorly.
Kinder-Horror Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I'm not sure it's totally hypocritical... You told her you met someone else, and she wants to go out with a guy FRIEND to let off some steam after her fiancee of 3.5 years told her he met another girl AND after she had to talk him into trying to work through things with her (though he is skeptical it will work out).
Taramere Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 You've presented this in fairly rational, sensible and reasonable sounding terms, but it doesn't alter the substance of what you've done. You told her you'd met someone else, then you presented her with a list of grievances you have about the relationship with her. That's a totally crappy way to behave. Granted, her response (in seeking some sort of vengeance) is immature and doesn't reflect well on her - but given the way you've acted it's also pretty understandable. You seem good at presenting yourself as okay and her as not okay. If that's how you've approached things in discussion with her, then her initial response may have been to feel "oh God...it's all my fault he met someone else/isn't in love with me etc etc...I must try to do better." Which would explain an initial "I will try harder" response to you. Then she probably discussed the matter with other people who might have told her something along the lines "are you crazy? Your fiance is a sh*t who isn't treating you with any respect, and you're responding by promising to try harder???" - hence a sudden burst of rage and vengeful behaviour. If you're not in love with her, then why set her up with a load of tests? It sounds as though the relationship is a failed one. Why not simply accept that rather than taking this hopeless view that you're not in love with her but that if she tries really hard perhaps things could work out?
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