DontWorryBHappy Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 When my boyfriend and I first started going out he mentioned that he was going to be attending a dance a couple hours away (for the military) sometime this month. He said he had already promised a friend he'd take her and I didn't think much about it since I had just met him. There is another dance in November that he invited me to right away. However, since then we have become much, much more serious and suddenly the idea of him taking another girl to a dance is bothering me. I actually hadn't thought much about it until my brother and his girlfriend told me they felt he should tell the other girl that he has a girlfriend now, and take me instead. This caused me to look at the situation and I'm pretty sure it would bother me a lot for him to be with this other girl for the whole evening at a FANCY dance... a "ball" actually. Furthermore, the ball is a couple hours away as I mentioned so it just seems like a big deal for him to go away and go to a dance with another girl even though I trust him completely. It honestly isn't about trust... I just think that as his girlfriend I should be going to a ball with him if at all possible. SHould I bring it up and how?
tigressA Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I think you should bring it up since it's really bothering you. Tell him that since you've become more serious, it doesn't seem appropriate for him to take a female friend to a formal dance. I think if you don't bring it up it will eat away at you and end up damaging your relationship. Just be honest and open. IMO, I would feel somewhat bad since if he agreed to go with me, he would be breaking a promise to a friend--but your needs should take precedence since you are his girlfriend. Talk to him.
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Innnnnteresting. I'm curious how Hokie will respond to this, as we'll be going to a very similar event, if not the SAME event!
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 Oh wow, lol. Well in your opinions do you think it is something that should bother me? I'm actually not sure if I'm supposed to be bothered by this, or if I'm only bothered by it because my brother and his girlfriend are telling me I should be bothered by it and that it isnt appropriate..... Confused...
tigressA Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 It doesn't matter if you're "supposed" to be bothered or not. If you're bothered, you're bothered. If you're not, you're not.
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I'm really not sure, because I've never been to one of these events/balls before. I'd have to rely on the voice of experience - from someone who's been to these things before. Has your brother been? Are you able to go to the earlier dance too?? I don't think it would bother ME if he had already planned on taking someone else, and I wouldn't be able to go anyway...
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 I need to find out when the earlier dance... dont even know what day it will be. I swear I need to tell me brother and his girlfriend to butt out of my stuff sometimes. because they treat me like their pet in certain instances.... like lecturing me about what is appropriate in MY relationship. Bleh. Anyway, to be honest I think what *I* want to do is tell him I'm fine with it if he goes, provided he gives me some more details so that I can feel good about it. The other thing my brother and his girlfriend brought up to me was the issue of hanging out with a friend of the opposite sex one-on-one. SO while we're kind of on the subject, do you guys think it is ok or NOT ok to hang out with a friend of the opposite sex one-on-one? Example: going bowling with your friend.
USMCHokie Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Hmmmm, this is a very interesting situation...of course you'd probably have reservations about asking him to take you to the October ball instead of his friend since it'd seem a bit presumptious or inconsiderate...but I can answer this from his viewpoint as if I were in his shoes... I would not hesitate to ask my friend if I could take my gf instead, but it will really depend on my friend. Is this her first time going to the ball, and was I taking her more because she really wanted to experience the ball or because I just needed a date? If the latter, then I'd have no problem asking my friend to yield to my girlfriend. If the former, I might keep my promise to my friend...these military balls can certainly be a fun and unique experience... I'd say just bring it up to him...straight up...let him know that you'd like to go with him to the October ball too...
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 SO while we're kind of on the subject, do you guys think it is ok or NOT ok to hang out with a friend of the opposite sex one-on-one? Example: going bowling with your friend. If bowling is something they're both really into, I think it's fine. If not, it's more date-like...to me, anyway. But that's something I struggle with...
USMCHokie Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 SO while we're kind of on the subject, do you guys think it is ok or NOT ok to hang out with a friend of the opposite sex one-on-one? Example: going bowling with your friend. Are you asking if it's ok for you to hang out with another guy or if it's ok for him to hang out with another girl...?
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Are you asking if it's ok for you to hang out with another guy or if it's ok for him to hang out with another girl...? Does it matter??
USMCHokie Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Does it matter?? Well, no, but it would affect how I answer the question. Is it ok for her to hang out with another guy: Only if she wouldn't have a problem with her boyfriend doing the same thing with another girl. Is it ok for her boyfriend to hangout with another girl: Not if it makes you uncomfortable...if it makes you uncomfortable at all, then your boyfriend should be respectful of that...
that girl Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Is this her first time going to the ball, and was I taking her more because she really wanted to experience the ball or because I just needed a date? If the latter, then I'd have no problem asking my friend to yield to my girlfriend. If the former, I might keep my promise to my friend...these military balls can certainly be a fun and unique experience... From a girl perspective, even if she was just going as a friend, she's likely spent money on this event already in terms of a dress, make up, new shoes, etc. It would suck to have a new ballgown sitting in the closet and be bailed on for a brand new girlfriend. OP- you've only been dating a month so when did it become serious and when exactly is this dance? Unless I had some problem with the girl (like I thought she was interested), I wouldn't say anything because it would be awkward for him to get out of it and possibly a little unfair to her. But if it really bothers you, you should say something. I would just take into account how short notice this and any money she might have laid out.
USMCHokie Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I would just take into account how short notice this and any money she might have laid out. Mmm, this is a very good point.
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Mmm, this is a very good point. I have my dress, remember that, buddy.
GooseChaser Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I think he would really appreciate it if you could just trust him to act appropriately and platonically with his female friend, knowing that he is faithful to you. That kind of show of trust could be very meaningful to him. I'm sure he will make it clear that she is only a friend, too. There will be other events and dates that you two can go to together. Do you think you could handle letting him go with his friend?
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I think he would really appreciate it if you could just trust him to act appropriately and platonically with his female friend, knowing that he is faithful to you. That kind of show of trust could be very meaningful to him. I'm sure he will make it clear that she is only a friend, too. There will be other events and dates that you two can go to together. Do you think you could handle letting him go with his friend? I didn't take the OP as having any trust issue/concern, just whether he should ditch his friend for his GF given the circumstances.
USMCHokie Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I have my dress, remember that, buddy. Hahah...well, you're the only girl I'd ever want to take to the Ball, so you remember that...buddy...
tami-chan Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Talk to your BF about your feelings...I have been to a few military balls and have always worn floor length gowns (some women wore knee length)-and formal wear can be pricey and so if she had bought her gown already it cannot be returned. Having said that, I think you will just have to let your BF keep his word and go to the ball with his friend and trust that nothing inappropriate will happen...Besides, this is not a ball were people get all cut up and act up. Most of the attendees are there because it is one of those things that they have to do and most cannot wait to leave. Tell your BF you'll meet him somewhere after to "party" together !
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 Update: Last night I brought it up, and interestingly enough, he said he had already called the girl about it and is not going with her anymore. All I said was, "Tell me about this ball you're going to" and he said the above. I was just like, "Well that was easy..." lol. We also talked about the hanging out with opposite sex friends thing and agreed that it's fine to hang with a friend (of the opposite sex) provided no one is hanging out one-on-one in an apartment/bedroom area. Was a pretty painless conversation.
CLC2008 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 When my boyfriend and I first started going out he mentioned that he was going to be attending a dance a couple hours away (for the military) sometime this month. He said he had already promised a friend he'd take her and I didn't think much about it since I had just met him. There is another dance in November that he invited me to right away. However, since then we have become much, much more serious and suddenly the idea of him taking another girl to a dance is bothering me. I actually hadn't thought much about it until my brother and his girlfriend told me they felt he should tell the other girl that he has a girlfriend now, and take me instead. This caused me to look at the situation and I'm pretty sure it would bother me a lot for him to be with this other girl for the whole evening at a FANCY dance... a "ball" actually. Furthermore, the ball is a couple hours away as I mentioned so it just seems like a big deal for him to go away and go to a dance with another girl even though I trust him completely. It honestly isn't about trust... I just think that as his girlfriend I should be going to a ball with him if at all possible. SHould I bring it up and how? How long have you been together with your boyfriend?
USMCHokie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Update: Last night I brought it up, and interestingly enough, he said he had already called the girl about it and is not going with her anymore. All I said was, "Tell me about this ball you're going to" and he said the above. I was just like, "Well that was easy..." lol. We also talked about the hanging out with opposite sex friends thing and agreed that it's fine to hang with a friend (of the opposite sex) provided no one is hanging out one-on-one in an apartment/bedroom area. Was a pretty painless conversation. Funny how communication fixes and resolves a lot of issues that shouldn't have been issues to begin with, eh...?
CLC2008 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Funny how communication fixes and resolves a lot of issues that shouldn't have been issues to begin with, eh...? Very true Hokie. For someone (you) who was in one LTR (10 months), you certainly seem to know what you are talking about.
USMCHokie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Very true Hokie. For someone (you) who was in one LTR (10 months), you certainly seem to know what you are talking about. Hahah, thanks...fake it 'til ya make it! And it was for six months, thank you very much... :laugh:
BobSacamento Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 If you want to put your BF in that difficult situation then you have earned yourself a "D". Want to keep going?
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