Dante311 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Ok... I don't have a problem attracting women. It's flattering. I'm sure if I wanted, I could go ahead and get ALMOST any woman I wanted... ok, maybe not ALMOST any woman... but a good majority. Here's the deal. A week ago... there were 4-5 women I was contending with... and I probably could've had all of them EASILY. A) Roll in the Grass girl as we'll refer to her as... 2 dates. She was very eager to go out with me, but upon learning I was more serious about dating and having fun and getting to know eachother... she just wants to be free and have fun... she thought we were moving too fast into a 'serious' relationship and she doesn't want that now as she's in her senior year. Fine. B) One Night Stand girl... this girl JUST got dumped in July. She's had her eye on me since. Red flag. but I have always had my eye on her... well finally we pushed further... until i found out she was masturbating thinking about me... she's clearly in rebound mode. Fine I could go for some fun. She invites me over one night... 1 AM... we have fun, but I learn there are OTHER guys... and she doesn't want to lead me on b/c she knows I like her. This killed it. Now we're growing distant. Sucks b/c she's sexy, smart, fun.... so that's done. Alright... so what? C) NEW Barista from Starbucks... clearly wants me. We flirt like there's no tomorrow and she asked me out. Problem.... she is friends with my recent psycho ex who was also a barista at starbucks. aside from that... from the same college. and off the top of flirting.. told me she turned down another guy and I should feel privileged. I'm sorry, but just no... that turned me off. Yeah... ...and that's just 3 of the 5 I was on about... Now? I'm speaking/seeing 0 women... in just one weeks time. Maybe I should just have fun... bang these girls that want to jump me and maybe a relationship will form? I typically only fool around IN a relationship (by fool around, I mean ****/sex/make love)... but yeah... I must be crazy.
JungleLover Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Ok... I don't have a problem attracting women. It's flattering. I'm sure if I wanted, I could go ahead and get ALMOST any woman I wanted... ok, maybe not ALMOST any woman... but a good majority. Here's the deal. A week ago... there were 4-5 women I was contending with... and I probably could've had all of them EASILY. A) Roll in the Grass girl as we'll refer to her as... 2 dates. She was very eager to go out with me, but upon learning I was more serious about dating and having fun and getting to know eachother... she just wants to be free and have fun... she thought we were moving too fast into a 'serious' relationship and she doesn't want that now as she's in her senior year. Fine. B) One Night Stand girl... this girl JUST got dumped in July. She's had her eye on me since. Red flag. but I have always had my eye on her... well finally we pushed further... until i found out she was masturbating thinking about me... she's clearly in rebound mode. Fine I could go for some fun. She invites me over one night... 1 AM... we have fun, but I learn there are OTHER guys... and she doesn't want to lead me on b/c she knows I like her. This killed it. Now we're growing distant. Sucks b/c she's sexy, smart, fun.... so that's done. Alright... so what? C) NEW Barista from Starbucks... clearly wants me. We flirt like there's no tomorrow and she asked me out. Problem.... she is friends with my recent psycho ex who was also a barista at starbucks. aside from that... from the same college. and off the top of flirting.. told me she turned down another guy and I should feel privileged. I'm sorry, but just no... that turned me off. Yeah... ...and that's just 3 of the 5 I was on about... Now? I'm speaking/seeing 0 women... in just one weeks time. Maybe I should just have fun... bang these girls that want to jump me and maybe a relationship will form? I typically only fool around IN a relationship (by fool around, I mean ****/sex/make love)... but yeah... I must be crazy. Here is what I see: A) you were moving too fast and probably seemed too needy. B) There are other guys and so what? This is dating and you won't have much of a litter to choose from if you have a laundry list of criteria to be met for anything to occur that includes common things such as that the person cannot be openly dating. As far as her knowing that you like her, I find that it is best just to only show someone you are interested in them for a while while dating or pursuing them rather than confessing that you actually like them before anything begins to go anywhere. C). Lighten up a bit. She was a little cocky or teasing you. Either way, it's all about knowing how to handle it. She could really be a nice person under the cockiness. Maybe you should have been flattered that she turned down another guy because she was interested in you. I just think you are coming across as way too serious. Lighten up and have some fun.
Author Dante311 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 Here is what I see: A) you were moving too fast and probably seemed too needy. B) There are other guys and so what? This is dating and you won't have much of a litter to choose from if you have a laundry list of criteria to be met for anything to occur that includes common things such as that the person cannot be openly dating. As far as her knowing that you like her, I find that it is best just to only show someone you are interested in them for a while while dating or pursuing them rather than confessing that you actually like them before anything begins to go anywhere. C). Lighten up a bit. She was a little cocky or teasing you. Either way, it's all about knowing how to handle it. She could really be a nice person under the cockiness. Maybe you should have been flattered that she turned down another guy because she was interested in you. I just think you are coming across as way too serious. Lighten up and have some fun. yeah, you're probably right. i'm also in grad school and under a **** ton **** hell ass cock **** bitch ass stress but fi that's your in your avatar/forum pic... How YOU doin'?
JungleLover Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 yeah, you're probably right. i'm also in grad school and under a **** ton **** hell ass cock **** bitch ass stress but fi that's your in your avatar/forum pic... How YOU doin'? That is me in the avatar pic but I am the ape. Sorry.
Author Dante311 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 That is me in the avatar pic but I am the ape. Sorry. guess I just suck at life. har har har. maybe i should have more fun get my dick wet more often than naught... b/c it seems that's all these girls want. I'm in a college town and NEED to get out.
welikeincrowds Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 As you've identified, the problem is you, and not really the women you are meeting. Your problem is that you are not dating. You're trying to fit expectations. I know that sounds like what you've already said to be the problem, but it's more nuanced than that. Note your criticisms of these girls. First one tells you that she's feeling too much pressure after only 2 dates -- you've expected too much. Second one says she doesn't want to lead you on -- you've expected too much. Third one seems like an inconsistency, but it's more of the same. You dismiss her after she flirts harmlessly and openly with you, ostensibly because something about what she said pulled a trigger in you. Or perhaps the real problem is the ex, but what is that really? An issue that doesn't exist, an issue you've begged, an issue you expect to happen. You're expecting too much. But expecting too much is worse than just guessing wrong. "Oh well, my expectations are off -- I'll just lower them!" No, expectations help us move forward only in that they inspire us to start moving, but as we see, you're letting your expectations be your only inspiration, which is why you haven't gotten off the runway. It's what I mean when I say you're not really dating. You're pushing your interactions with these women into what you think they should be like, rather than letting the beauty of dating, of the woman you are with, be its own justification. You're right, you can't just "have fun": but it's not because your head is in the right place and you've found the wrong women. It's not them, it's you. You're self-centered. There's nothing wrong having a personal desire for sex, or for romance. But your attraction -- your inspiration -- should be fueled by the energy of the wonderful people you meet, and not by the standard of the void and ultimately meaningless image you construct of present and future company, whoever that may be, however irrelevantly so.
JungleLover Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 guess I just suck at life. har har har. maybe i should have more fun get my dick wet more often than naught... b/c it seems that's all these girls want. I'm in a college town and NEED to get out. Get out and have some fun! A college town too? You should be having the time of your life. There is way more time in the future to get serious. This should be the best time of your life. Put a rubber on and start screwing anything that moves today!
Author Dante311 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 As you've identified, the problem is you, and not really the women you are meeting. Your problem is that you are not dating. You're trying to fit expectations. I know that sounds like what you've already said to be the problem, but it's more nuanced than that. Note your criticisms of these girls. First one tells you that she's feeling too much pressure after only 2 dates -- you've expected too much. Second one says she doesn't want to lead you on -- you've expected too much. Third one seems like an inconsistency, but it's more of the same. You dismiss her after she flirts harmlessly and openly with you, ostensibly because something about what she said pulled a trigger in you. Or perhaps the real problem is the ex, but what is that really? An issue that doesn't exist, an issue you've begged, an issue you expect to happen. You're expecting too much. But expecting too much is worse than just guessing wrong. "Oh well, my expectations are off -- I'll just lower them!" No, expectations help us move forward only in that they inspire us to start moving, but as we see, you're letting your expectations be your only inspiration, which is why you haven't gotten off the runway. It's what I mean when I say you're not really dating. You're pushing your interactions with these women into what you think they should be like, rather than letting the beauty of dating, of the woman you are with, be its own justification. You're right, you can't just "have fun": but it's not because your head is in the right place and you've found the wrong women. It's not them, it's you. You're self-centered. There's nothing wrong having a personal desire for sex, or for romance. But your attraction -- your inspiration -- should be fueled by the energy of the wonderful people you meet, and not by the standard of the void and ultimately meaningless image you construct of present and future company, whoever that may be, however irrelevantly so. How do I break this? I've tried before.. and clearly failed. I see this is a problem/issue... and I recognize that... but I'm at a loss of moving past that. I have / am insecurities since a girl named Nicole... (search my old posts from 10 months ago heh)
Seamless74 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 rofl.... I dont know if the O.P. is an avid reader or not,,, I for one am not but have read a few good books in my day... But id have to say if your going to be in the dating world your going to have to suspend your logical linear mindset at times and definately face up to your ego... I think the last chapter of Herman Hess's "Steppenwolf" would be a good analogy... Basically the only crime is to not lose your mind...
Author Dante311 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 rofl.... I dont know if the O.P. is an avid reader or not,,, I for one am not but have read a few good books in my day... But id have to say if your going to be in the dating world your going to have to suspend your logical linear mindset at times and definately face up to your ego... I think the last chapter of Herman Hess's "Steppenwolf" would be a good analogy... Basically the only crime is to not lose your mind... I'm not affluent in the literature you reference... do tell? I am conceited... it's a serious problem. I try to suppress it, but fail.
JungleLover Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I'm not affluent in the literature you reference... do tell? I am conceited... it's a serious problem. I try to suppress it, but fail. Oh. Then you're screwed! Lol
Author Dante311 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 Oh. Then you're screwed! Lol Yeah, thanks.
JungleLover Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Yeah, thanks. Well you gotta eat that humble pie first. Eat the whole thing, now.
Seamless74 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 yeah man i mean thats basically the jist of what im saying... its like ego destruction, it just aint all bout you. its trying to make maddening, frustrating situations humorous... just chalk it up to the game... whoever cares the most loses...
Author Dante311 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 yeah man i mean thats basically the jist of what im saying... its like ego destruction, it just aint all bout you. its trying to make maddening, frustrating situations humorous... just chalk it up to the game... whoever cares the most loses... Yeah, i hear ya. i know i have a problem.. hard to break. one thing i noticed is i hate dating now.. since being burned 10 months ago i am afraid to just go with the flow and spend money... invest emotionally only to have my heart broken in the end... ... makes me wonder about myself. It IS me that's the problem.. my real question I pose on myself... how can I fix it? I can't.. I just need to go with it and hope it'll work itself out I guess... without letting it cognitively get in my way
Seamless74 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 you know what one dude told me one time... it was something like he had a rule that if he went out on a date with girl he wouldnt go out with her again until he either went out or at least was talking to another girl first... i know alot easier said then done but just focus on the mindset for a minute.. its like if everytime you meet someone and admit if your not meeting anyone than that person you meet subconciously your gonna be giving all this undo credit too and placing too much pressure to be the one... really coming from a place of scarcity... that is going to be one heck of an emotional rollercoaster whereas the opposite....... and you know what the say ISSUE = its you
Author Dante311 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 you know what one dude told me one time... it was something like he had a rule that if he went out on a date with girl he wouldnt go out with her again until he either went out or at least was talking to another girl first... i know alot easier said then done but just focus on the mindset for a minute.. its like if everytime you meet someone and admit if your not meeting anyone than that person you meet subconciously your gonna be giving all this undo credit too and placing too much pressure to be the one... really coming from a place of scarcity... that is going to be one heck of an emotional rollercoaster whereas the opposite....... and you know what the say ISSUE = its you Heh... step 1... I've already admitted it's me, not the women. Although, I won't lie... certain red flags were raised with the first 2 girls I mentioned. The 3rd one I haven't dismissed yet... heh the first girl... wants to play too much. I am all for that, but at the same time... I can't be wild & free too... grad school is much different than undergrad. So being a grad student WITH an undergrad makes it more complicated... at least, in my situation. The second girl... just getting out of a relationship. Yeah... I was open to hanging out with her.. yeah, I told her I like her and I was cool with all that and just being and seeing where it leads, but when she told me she wants to experiment and hook up with guys b/c she's never been single before... that was a turn off to me... red flag x 2... just being dumped... rebounding... WANTS to see me, friends, more or a relationship dow nthe road, but WANTS to fool around and have fun during her senior year of college. Again... not appealing to me. I'm not going to date a girl who readily admits she's rebounding and wants to.... the third girl... I haven't closed the door on her yet... but her approach to me is scaring me... but she is very flirtatious... attractive... seems intelligent... has her BA... would want to get to know her more... I have flirted with her nd she likes... you're all definitely a-1 spot on with me. I am the problem right now. I'm still re-developing and re-learning who I am again. As odd as that sounds.
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