Confusedalways Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Hmmm. How into someone are you supposed to be in order to accept a second date? I went out with this guy.... and we got along well from an outside perspective. I could tell he was more into me than I was into him. I didn't really "feel" much of anything. I wasn't excited or unexcited. The entire date lasted 5 hours. I was definitely more interested in the first 2 hours but I was growing restless and bored as we neared the 3rd, 4th and 5th hour. By the end I was checking my watch and he seemed way too into our conversation to notice my "social cues." He sent me a text about 1/2 hr after we had parted ways telling me how great of a time he had and how he thinks we hit it off, etc. I'm not sure what to do. I guess I always pictured a really good first date being someone you're eager to see again, speak to more and get all giddy when they text you? I'm just... meh. He really did nothing wrong and was a perfect gentleman all night, which is why I feel so badly. He did all the 'right' things. FWIW I thought he was pretty cute. Not bad or amazing, kind of like the date itself. Anyway- do I accept date #2? Or does it not have the potential to get better from here?
Cracker Jack Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Don't accept it. You're clearly not into him. If you were busy waiting for it to be over, it's clear that there's nothing there. No need to waste your time or his at this point.
Pyro Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Thats a tough call. I would say no do not accept because you said so yourself that you were bored and you didn't feel much of a connection. I would also say yes because maybe he was just a wee bit nervous on the first date and wasn't being his true self in front of you. Maybe his true self you will find some interest in. If you agree on a second date do something more casual where he can be himself.
atlnay Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Hmmm. How into someone are you supposed to be in order to accept a second date? I went out with this guy.... and we got along well from an outside perspective. I could tell he was more into me than I was into him. I didn't really "feel" much of anything. I wasn't excited or unexcited. The entire date lasted 5 hours. I was definitely more interested in the first 2 hours but I was growing restless and bored as we neared the 3rd, 4th and 5th hour. By the end I was checking my watch and he seemed way too into our conversation to notice my "social cues." Just curious, why was your 1st date 5 hours long? And was that all in one spot/talking all the time?
tigressA Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 If you have to ask a question like that (Should I accept a second date?), you already know the answer...
Mike B. Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Sounds like the usual case of dragging the first date on too long besides maybe other little small things that obviously were not dealbreakers. If he would have just ended the date much earlier, maybe your interest would still be at a peak but he probably looked at it as getting more time to work his magic on you not realizing that he began to work against himself after about the first hour or so. I think pacing is important in dating because you seem like you are still open to him but he just needs to find a way to recover and spread that little tiny spark of interest into a flame. It probably won't happen but you should refer him to this site now at least for him to have any sort of chance with you.
jerbear Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I think you already know the answer. If you have to ask then no. Having said that, I suggest you give him a 2nd date but this time if you are bored; you cut it short.
brainygirl Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I tend to think that overly long dates are not good things. If you were ready to go, why didn't you? Were you stuck with him somehow? If he didn't get that you weren't having a good time anymore, its time to move on.
sagetalk Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Hmmm. Anyway- do I accept date #2? Or does it not have the potential to get better from here? This is an extremely strange post, 5 hours is a bit much (unless he drove a long distance) but why wouldn't you go on a second date? Are you looking for a potential LTR relationship or just a good time? Those are two completely different things.
Sivok Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 It depends what your purpose in meeting this guy is. You didn't seem too excited in the first place. Is it lack of better options? If so, it's unfair to the guy. After the first date, are you still at a neutral spot?
somedude81 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 How long have you known the guy for? If it's only for a short time, how could you be interested in him after only one date? I'd suggest giving him one more chance, but don't have another marathon date unless you want to.
Imajerk17 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 5 hours is a very long first date. The thing that I have noticed is how quickly sexual tension can come and go. I have been on at least one date where after the first 20 minutes the date felt like it was going nowhere, 1 hour into it things were rolling, 2 hours into it the tension is gone, and then 20 minutes after that the sexual tension is back. Are you really sure you can tell whether or not the guy is the one for you after one date? I say give it another chance.
USMCHokie Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 If it's only for a short time, how could you be interested in him after only one date? I'd suggest giving him one more chance, but don't have another marathon date unless you want to. Eh, it can be hard to develop interest after one date, but it's hella easy to know you're not interested after one date...or after 5 minutes...
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Sounds like the usual case of dragging the first date on too long besides maybe other little small things that obviously were not dealbreakers. If he would have just ended the date much earlier, maybe your interest would still be at a peak but he probably looked at it as getting more time to work his magic on you not realizing that he began to work against himself after about the first hour or so. I think pacing is important in dating because you seem like you are still open to him but he just needs to find a way to recover and spread that little tiny spark of interest into a flame. It probably won't happen but you should refer him to this site now at least for him to have any sort of chance with you. This, +1. Accept a second date, and make sure it's less than 3 hours.
Author Confusedalways Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 Sounds like the usual case of dragging the first date on too long besides maybe other little small things that obviously were not dealbreakers. If he would have just ended the date much earlier, maybe your interest would still be at a peak but he probably looked at it as getting more time to work his magic on you not realizing that he began to work against himself after about the first hour or so. I think pacing is important in dating because you seem like you are still open to him but he just needs to find a way to recover and spread that little tiny spark of interest into a flame. It probably won't happen but you should refer him to this site now at least for him to have any sort of chance with you. Yes, exactly. This is why I'm not sure. I'm certain that if it had ended within 2 or so hours I would definitely be interested, which is why I feel bad cutting him off entirely. At one point (4 or so hours in..) I was looking at my watch and he was like 'do you have somewhere to be?' And well, I mean, I didn't so I said no. I guess I could've made something up but I felt bad lying! Are you really sure you can tell whether or not the guy is the one for you after one date? I say give it another chance.No, I'm not sure, hence this thread. If you have to ask a question like that (Should I accept a second date?), you already know the answer... I was kind of leaning in that direction but if it were nerves, went on for too long, etc then I feel like maybe he would deserve another shot?? It depends what your purpose in meeting this guy is. You didn't seem too excited in the first place. Is it lack of better options? If so, it's unfair to the guy. After the first date, are you still at a neutral spot?I was cautiously excited in the first place- not too much to get my hopes up but enough for anticipation. And yes, still neutral. It comes and goes. Just curious, why was your 1st date 5 hours long? And was that all in one spot/talking all the time? Yes all one spot!! I even looked for my car keys at one point around 3.5 hrs in. I really just don't think he knew how to read a room.
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Yes all one spot!! I even looked for my car keys at one point around 3.5 hrs in. I really just don't think he knew how to read a room. I remember doing this once... the date was going on and on and on, he'd already paid and stuff. I got my car keys out, and even scooted towards the end of my booth side towards the edge, to indicate that any moment I was going to stand up to leave...and he should too! The damn date went on for another hour after that! Argh!
welikeincrowds Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Date was too long, and you didn't do more than one thing. Rookie mistake! I wouldn't hold it against him but I wouldn't have my hopes up, because one really should be aware of these things. Regardless, I would say yes to a second date. In my opinion, "if you have to ask" doesn't mean anything except that you have to ask. In other words, just as much as it doesn't mean yes, it doesn't mean no. I know that sounds trite written that way, but a common opinion on this board (and you see it all over this thread) is that if you're not sure after the first date, you shouldn't spend any more time on it. They're not wrong either -- it's really just a style choice. Just like some people like to date a few people at once and others go one at a time, for example. If you don't have an obvious no to go by, then it's still fair game. The thing you're looking for might not be there, but it definitely could happen.
Author Confusedalways Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 I remember doing this once... the date was going on and on and on, he'd already paid and stuff. I got my car keys out, and even scooted towards the end of my booth side towards the edge, to indicate that any moment I was going to stand up to leave...and he should too! The damn date went on for another hour after that! Argh! yes!!! I was literally at the edge of the booth, purse on lap, searching for my keys, bill had been paid for 45 minutes! I didn't know how else to indicate I was ready to go. Alas, no such luck.
Author Confusedalways Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 Date was too long, and you didn't do more than one thing. Rookie mistake! I wouldn't hold it against him but I wouldn't have my hopes up, because one really should be aware of these things. Regardless, I would say yes to a second date. In my opinion, "if you have to ask" doesn't mean anything except that you have to ask. In other words, just as much as it doesn't mean yes, it doesn't mean no. I know that sounds trite written that way, but a common opinion on this board (and you see it all over this thread) is that if you're not sure after the first date, you shouldn't spend any more time on it. They're not wrong either -- it's really just a style choice. Just like some people like to date a few people at once and others go one at a time, for example. If you don't have an obvious no to go by, then it's still fair game. The thing you're looking for might not be there, but it definitely could happen. Really interesting perspective, thanks! I liked your comparison to a style choice. Normally when I see these types of threads I think if you didn't feel it , you didn't feel it. But now that it's ME in the situation, I almost feel like I "owe" him another shot- if that makes sense. Part of me feels I'll go into it negatively, so I'm really not sure! Ugh I just wished he let me leave at 2.5-3 hrs . I definitely would've accepted another date in that case. I just feel like we went over *every* topic known to man. I was searching (literally) for topics of conversation in my purse... aye yi yi.
welikeincrowds Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 yes!!! I was literally at the edge of the booth, purse on lap, searching for my keys, bill had been paid for 45 minutes! I didn't know how else to indicate I was ready to go. Alas, no such luck. Ugh. OK, that's really annoying. I kinda wanna change my answer now, pretty much out of spite. It's like, get a clue bro. I guess it depends on how good a person you identify as being. Since I'm not so good myself, I would be willing to next based on something like that. As my family likes to say, "we don't suffer fools." But admittedly, it's not the deepest of reasons. I still believe that the next date could go well. It might behoove you to be less patient, though.
Author Confusedalways Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 Ugh. OK, that's really annoying. I kinda wanna change my answer now, pretty much out of spite. It's like, get a clue bro. I guess it depends on how good a person you identify as being. Since I'm not so good myself, I would be willing to next based on something like that. As my family likes to say, "we don't suffer fools." But admittedly, it's not the deepest of reasons. Truth be told I think he was so into my stories that he really didn't notice what was happening at all beyond the words coming out of my mouth. As weird as it sounds, I think he just was really enjoying talking with me.
OceanGirl Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 When I want to end the date, I am really blunt. I just say "OK, I better get going now" and get up. Then I go into the spiel "It was great to meet you..." blah blah (for online dates). Basically I just make the decision and he has no real say in it. If I am interested, I send a text the next day thanking him for dinner/drinks/whatever just so he knows that I am interested. I did have 8 hour long first date (from OKC) once, but I liked the guy so much that I wanted to spend all that time with him (we did move to a couple of different venues though). Second date was even longer, but we ended up running out of the things to talk about and it all fizzled out fast. Nowdays, I am really firm with ending the first date at below 2-3 hour mark.
OceanGirl Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Another thing for online dates or dates where you really don't know the person: When meeting a stranger, unless you have OMFG out of this world chemistry (and in 99.9% of cases you won't) it is important to pace the dates. No more than 2-3 hour dates at about 1x or 2x per week. This can really make or break the budding relationship. Also, no home dates until you are comfortable with the person (usually until >4 dates). You need to build some anticipation and sexual tension...
waynebrady Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I could tell he was more into me than I was into him. Most women want the guy to be alot more into them than they are into the guy.
Eeyore79 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 On my first date with my latest boyfriend, we kissed and gazed at each other for hours. We were literally shaking the first time we kissed, and we had to cuddle for ages until we calmed down. We stayed up all night because we were so excited to be together that we couldn't bear to be parted; the next day was torture because we both had stuff to do and we were utterly exhausted, but so happy. That's what dating is supposed to feel like when you meet the right person. If you're clock watching and feeling bored, you're probably not that into him and shouldn't accept a second date.
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