Arabella Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Recently, I met this guy on a website and we immediately clicked. We talked on the phone a couple times for over an hour each time. He kept telling me how beautiful and cool he thinks I am and he asked me out for dinner. The day after, we talked briefly and he told me he'd deleted his profile on the site we met. Next day I didn't hear from him so I texted him to see what he was up to and whether we still were doing dinner. He responded shortly afterward confirming the date. We tried to make plans, but he said was out of town due to an unexpected emergency and he'd give me a call later. He didn't call. Today is the day we were supposed to go out. He said he'd be back in town this afternoon. I haven't heard from him. I don't know if I'm supposed to be annoyed, discard him as a flake, or give him the benefit of the doubt because of the unexpected trip. What do you guys think? Arabella
FL Lady Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Don't text, email, contact him anymore at this point.
dispatch3d Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Chill, this isn't an unexpected emergency. If he doesn't call you in a 2-3 days you can give him a call if you feel like it. You don't have to plan anything, just figure out whats up.
Cee Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 No harm in giving him the benefit of the doubt, but the ball is squarely in his court to call.
Art_Critic Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 What do you guys think? He is married or in a committed relationship
Author Arabella Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 I'm just surprised because he came on so strong. We both are looking for the same things and he seemed serious about starting a relationship. Not going to contact him again, but I wonder how should I react if he does. Do I even have a right to be annoyed that he blew me off or should I just play it cool and act like it's no big deal? Not sure what's appropriate at this point in things... Arabella
Seamless74 Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Okay im confused did you go to dinner or not... Have you actually seen each other yet?? in person that is... Oh yeah and online dating is lame...
Author Arabella Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 Like I said, we talked a few times on the phone, he asked me out and we made some tentative plans... he later confirmed the date but never got back to me about the details. I've seen him online on the website today and he didn't say a peep to me, so I'm assuming that he just lost interest for whatever reason. Incidentally, Seamless74, I don't care what you happen to think about online dating, so if you have no useful advice to offer, keep your opinions to yourself. Thanks everyone else for the comments. Arabella
a_woman Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 He is married or in a committed relationship This. Until you meet someone in real life you should have zero expectations of him. Seamless is right, online dating is lame. I've been experimenting with it too but I refuse to see them as real human beings until I meet them. You don't even know if he looks like his photo in real life. He is a figment of your imagination until you meet him.
Author Arabella Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 This. Until you meet someone in real life you should have zero expectations of him. I guess my mistake is that I expect people to behave like decent human beings regardless of where we met. I would never do what he did, and it bugs me that he couldn't be bothered to, at least, cancel the date. It basically wasted my Sat evening because he confirmed it the day before and I assumed it was a sure thing and we only needed to work out the details. Seamless is right, online dating is lame. So because you say so... that makes it true? Like I said, it's not relevant to the thread or my original question. It comes across as a disparaging remark with no useful purpose. I've been experimenting with it too but I refuse to see them as real human beings until I meet them. You don't even know if he looks like his photo in real life. He is a figment of your imagination until you meet him. Well, I refuse to dehumanize people just because I haven't met them yet. It doesn't seem like a very good way of starting any sort of relationship. To each their own. Arabella
a_woman Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 how old are you? You sound a little naïve. It's not 'dehumanising', it's self protection and common sense. You owe it to yourself to get involved only with a real person, not some online fantasy who could very well be married. Otherwise you will keep getting hurt by people that don't care about you. This is why online dating is 'lame'.
Author Arabella Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 Haha, alright. I'm naive because I asked a question about whether it was legitimate for me to get annoyed at someone blowing me off after they ask me out on a date, AND confirm said date. I'm not even going to dignify your question with an answer. Yes, they could be married, and they could be lying about everything... but I'm STILL going to go on the assumption that they aren't until I am given a reason to be suspicious. What he did qualifies as such, and I've already deleted his number and blocked him on the site. So, the entire thread is moot at this point. Arabella
sugarmomma Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 If I think I may be stood up I just text that "since I haven't heard from you I made some other plans, take care". He sounds like an inconsiderate flake to me. just my .02
bac Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I'm just surprised because he came on so strong. We both are looking for the same things and he seemed serious about starting a relationship. Not going to contact him again, but I wonder how should I react if he does. Do I even have a right to be annoyed that he blew me off or should I just play it cool and act like it's no big deal? Not sure what's appropriate at this point in things... Arabella From what I know, he is probably a player. Players do always play several girls at the same time. He just probably got busy with another girl. A player does come on very very strong. The name of the method is 'the full court press'. They say from the start that you are beautiful, great, they want exclusivity, they want you to be their GF and other BS. If he returns, you can definitely have dinner with him, if he pays and you are hungry. But, the dinner might be BS as well. You can have sex with him if you want to, but he will vanish into thin air after 1-3 intercourses unless you are OK with FWBs.
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