Eeyore79 Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I broke up with my bf because he wasn't in love with me. He never once said the L-word, the most I ever got from him was "I like you". He didn't make a huge effort to call me or to spend time with me; I was never his priority, and he took ages to respond to any contact. I would send him cute e-cards and say romantic things, but he never reciprocated; when I said something romantic he would just stay silent and not respond. He wanted sex, but he wasn't exactly all over me in a loving sort of way outside of the bedroom. It got to the point where I started refusing to have sex with him because it felt like there was no emotional connection. He said he was in love with his ex about five years ago, but he admitted he wasn't in love with me, though he liked me a lot. I found it really hurtful that he had those feelings for someone else but not for me, especially when she was a bitch who cheated on him, and I tried my best to be a wonderful gf. He wanted to stay together and work on our relationship, because he thought I was a lovely girl and he felt like he might eventually grow to love me. I declined - I wasn't about to be a doormat and hang around giving him sex on the offchance that he might love me some day - so I dumped him. Fast forward several weeks. I bumped into him and asked how he was, and he said he was really bad - depressed, lonely, missing me, etc. I said I was sorry he felt so bad, and I hoped he felt better soon. I have no intention of getting involved with him again when he's already admitted he isn't in love with me. What's confusing me is this: Why does he feel bad when he's already admitted he doesn't love me? If someone you're not in love with leaves you, surely you wouldn't care? Is he just pretending to be hurt so maybe I'll give him a second chance - and why would he even want a second chance if he doesn't love me?
Serenitynow Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Because people get in habits. being with you, and doing stuff with you was a habit. Even though he says he didnt love you. Some people tend to be more connected to the habits in a relationship, than the actual person. I agree with you that you have the right to not give up sex with no feelings behind it.
Author Eeyore79 Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 So he basically misses having someone at his beck and call, rather than missing me specifically? I should add that throughout our relationship, if I got upset about anything he would get angry with me, and he expected me to be fawning and apologetic because I had dared to be upset with him. When I dumped him, he got really angry... but I didn't respond apologetically, I just told him to get stuffed. So when I didn't respond to his anger, that's when he got all whiny, and was sorry and wanted to fix things. Perhaps he's only being moany and pathetic because he knows I'm past caring and won't respond to his anger any more?
Serenitynow Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Perhaps he's only being moany and pathetic because he knows I'm past caring and won't respond to his anger any more? thats what it sounds like. If something bothered you, and he got upset because you brought it up, than obviously he doesnt have the proper communication skills for a healthy relationship.
sagetalk Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Fast forward several weeks. I bumped into him and asked how he was, and he said he was really bad - depressed, lonely, missing me, etc. I said I was sorry he felt so bad, and I hoped he felt better soon. I have no intention of getting involved with him again when he's already admitted he isn't in love with me. This separates you from a large majority of women. Forget about this guy and who cares why he feels this way. The more you think about him, the more you make yourself vulnerable to going back to him.
Author Eeyore79 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 You're probably right. I don't want to get involved with him again when he's already admitted he doesn't love me, so I should try not to care how he feels. The fact that he doesn't love me makes everything else irrelevant. I don't think he did have the proper communication skills for a healthy relationship - he occasionally said some very nasty things, and then it was my fault when I got upset. He was never sorry for upsetting me, just angry that I dared to criticise him. His anger would usually make me all apologetic, but when he tried to play that card after I dumped him, I told him to get stuffed. That's when he resorted to being whiny and heartbroken.
Recommended Posts