phoenix1 Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I haven't posted here in awhile, but I started seeing this guy a while back, things were going really well, we started having sex, it was good, and then he backed off on me. He didn't just disappear, he said he just had too much going on, blah, blah. He wanted to stay in touch, but more as friends, and we did. It kind of felt like to me that he just got involved a little too fast and it was too much. He's only been seperated for about one and half years. He is getting divorced, has two young kids, works all the time, and lives an hour and half away, and I think he was feeling a little overwhelmed. So we don't talk for about 2-3 weeks, and then he calls and wants to have dinner. I said OK, and I just play it cool and friendly, like I didn't really know was this a date or are we just friends, but thought I would check it out, as I really liked him. We had a great time and ended the evening walking with our arms around each other and with a big prolonged make out (all started by him) He did not want to take it further, and that was OK with me. So I'm thinking, OK, so he is definitely still attracted to me, more than "just friends" and we are just kind of taking it slow. It was almost like we were just stepping back to dating and had never had sex, and again, it was OK with me. Repeat this evening several times with intensifying make outs. And yet, he wants to go no further. Now, I heard there were men out there like this, but I've never encountered one. I usually have to fend them off. Guys, are there really guys out there that want to take things this slow? At what point is it too slow? I know this is probably a good thing, but like I said, I've never come across this before. I just feel confused. Opinions?
Author phoenix1 Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 Oops! i said two young kids - it's actually four!
jerbear Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I'm thinking he is on the fence about you and keeping you around for companionship. 4 kids? plus separated for over 1 year. How long were they married? It takes awhile for a guy to get back to being a single guy. Guy with 4 kids is a packaged deal and that is HARD.
Author phoenix1 Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 They were married 13 years, he left her. I know a guy with four kids is quite a lot...but I have my eyes open. I guess if he wanted to keep me around and called me up with some kind booty call, I wouldn't be surprised. It's just this weird, this not just friends, not more place.
jerbear Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 If you have no problems with this pace, dealing with the package deal or maybe a booty call then no problem. I think in his case he is just stressed and just getting back to the swing of things. I'm afraid you might be a rebound / booty call. there might be long term potential but who knows.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I can't say what goes on in other guys heads. I do see it as wrong and selfish to play with a single woman's heart by giving her mixed signals. Unless two people have an F-buddy relationship where one or both are doing each other on the side and agree not to be clutchy, it's inconsiderate to make it look like you matter one day and then don't the next only to change the rules again and again. A man of character would make a decision and stick to it. I'm not trying to win points here--this is how I think.
Scottdmw Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Hey Phoenix, Hard to say since this guy did have sex at first then backed off. For myself, I do believe in taking things slow. I think that sexual activity too quickly creates a strong bond with the other person to the point where you can't really evaluate them as a partner anymore on any basis other than the sex-- leading to getting mired in bad relationships if you are unlucky. It intensifies any heartbreak if the relationship doesn't work out. And, there is always the risk of unplanned pregnancy even with birth control. So, what he is doing would be quite understandable to me, minus the original having sex part. Scott
Philetus Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Repeat this evening several times with intensifying make outs. And yet, he wants to go no further. Now, I heard there were men out there like this, but I've never encountered one. I usually have to fend them off. Guys, are there really guys out there that want to take things this slow? At what point is it too slow? I know this is probably a good thing, but like I said, I've never come across this before. I just feel confused. Opinions? I'm in your guys shoes. I'm separated with kids. Personally, I couldn't wait to hop in bed with someone new. The only time I backed off was when I was feeling guilt over some situation. Is it possible he's working at getting back together with his ex? He may feel pressure from his kids to get back together, that is, if the kids aren't taking it well. Some of them have to be pretty young. There are also financial pressures and others. My guess is, he's figuring out his next move and is feeling guilty about his relationship with you. If I were you, I'd expect bad news.
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