DSM2709 Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 A couple of months ago, I moved into this new apartment after my ex and I broke up. Living right next door to me is this amazingly hot woman (Meagan Fox lookalike..no joke) who's 27 and single (a lot of baggage though). I introduced myself to her, and we slowly became good neighbors. I asked her out to dinner to which she said yes and we had a good time, we even went drinking and played miniature golf. She's got a track record though of being with bad guys and smoking, drinking (Alcoholic)...a typical Harley Chick..tattoo's etc, etc, a real mess... but I didn't care because she was into me, so I thought. Here I am "Mr. Nice guy" trying to get lucky. Well, I would go over to her apt and we would have shots of Jeagermeister and play cards and hang out. She had told me from the very beginning that she was not looking for a relationship or sex or anything of that nature, so I assumed she was just putting up barriers early because she didn't know me too well yet. We would continue this hanging out frequently but not every night of course, and eating dinner together for about a month and half or so. We got use to each other and I felt that I still might have a chance to get lucky, she was so hot who wouldn't try right? We then got to massaging each other and one night I was rubbing all over her and she was not rejecting me, I even got to having my hands half way down to her pants, but I hesitated going all the way down because I was afraid of being rejected, but at the same time she was not reciprocating, except when we would lie next to each other and she would rub her butt up against my crotch...hint hint, right??,,,so I got mixed signals. I could have gotten lucky I suppose if I had just asked her if she wanted to have sex or just went all the way and seeing how far I could have gotten, but instead the "Nice guy" kicked in again and didn't go all the way, so I would just keep massaging her. By the time all was said and done, she ended having to go to bed and I left. We were drinking that night and we were both feeling pretty good, but I was thinking too much about what she said earlier about no sex. However, when ever I did try to kiss her, she would reject me. So, after that night, we would still hang out a couple of times and eat dinner together and text and so on with no moves being made by me. Was she giving me more opportunities to get lucky without having to spell it out for me? or was I just not man enough to step up to the plate? I mean what did I have to lose...nothing, what the hell is wrong with me??? I think when she rejected my kissing her on the lips was because she felt like it was too intimate and she didn't want that, she just wanted sex....I don't know. Should I have just been blunt with her and asked? So, now here we are current day, and this past Sunday I was heading out of the apartment building to head to work the night shift and there she was getting out of a nice decked out black Lincoln Navigator with 20 inch shiny rims. So, now I'm thinking "OK Stupid, you had your chance with her and you blew it, now she's got a real man who's gonna get what he wants, and she's gonna give it to him". Case in point, I just got home from work this morning and guess what's parked in the parking lot along with her vehicle?, the same black Lincoln Navigator from the other night. That could have been me instead. So needless to say, I blew my chances. Plus, it's been a couple of weeks now since we hung out together, so I think those days are over. It just kills me that I had the empty net and I freaking missed it. I also could be just being paranoid and over thinking all this in my head, but I think I'm pretty freakin close. So, it's true what they say, Nice guys DO and ALWAYS will finish last!!! I hate who I am as a nice guy, I want to be more confident and forthcoming in a cocky funny way with women, but I always fall back to the Nice guy traits. I appreciate your input in all of this....thanks!!
alexlakeman Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Yeap, you have to be the aggresor, especially if yo're massagin, LIEING next to each other.. Oh man... Yeap, you blew your chance possibly. I'd still hang with her, drinking, and that one day shen she has an argument with the new man, you'll have the chance for to give u a grudge f.ck, etc.
Author DSM2709 Posted September 30, 2010 Author Posted September 30, 2010 Yeah, but I'm leaving for Arkansas for 8 weeks next month, and she's been talking about moving away to another apartment complex, she's just waiting to get approved, so by the time I get back who knows if she'll even be there anymore. Yeah, but I knew I blew it...damnit!!! It's not the end of the road, I know but why can't just take advantage of opportunities that are right in front of me? What should I do, should I text her or just leave her alone?....and and I did one stupid thing one day a week or so ago before I think she met this new guy. When I got home one day from work in the morning, I put a sticky note on her drivers door that said "Hey Hot Stuff, Have a great day"....ok, I know that was queer right? That's something a nice guy would do. Well she never replied to it, or commented on it to me.....so I think that too killed my chances of anymore get together's. We'll see.
Trojan John Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I would just let this one go. You seem to over-analyse her signals and your possible reactions to those signals. Sometimes you have to shut off your brain and act. However, it never hurts to ask. It may make you look dumb, but at least you won't look like a confused rapist.
Sivok Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 You weren't nice though. You stated that you kept seeing her hoping for sex, and even though that was your intention you never actually went for it- you pussied out of your own plan. Judging by your actions, she knew you wanted it all along too, and knew you pussied out as well. There's no getting anything out of this short of a Deus Ex Machina.
Star Gazer Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Regardless of the massaging and putting her butt in your crotch, she repeatedly rejected you each time you tried to kiss her. That's the only signal you need. She probably really enjoyed the massage, but has no interest beyond that.
Author DSM2709 Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 Thanks guys for the replies, I am probably better off anyways not hooking up with her, she's into drugs, alcohol etc etc.. and just lives a wild lifestyle. I honestly think this new guy is her sugar daddy for the time being and who knows how long this will last. She's been in bad relationships before, so who knows. I'm just going to leave her alone and when and IF she does text me to want to hang out, I will ignore her. It just kills me to see such a beautiful young woman live a life of such disaster. Oh well. Thanks again.
sanskrit Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Don't ignore her, unless you have several other options at the moment. This one sounds like a great person to go out with and just have fun, she may have single female friends who are not as wild as she is. Don't waste endless amounts of time catering to her, but do keep on good terms, unless you have formed some emotional attachment.
porter218 Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 You may have been just someone to snuggle with and entertain her until she found her next "bad boy" to get wild with. You may have had a chance if you just asked her that night but even then she still may have ended up with Navi dude. There is a difference between being nice and being shy and not confident. What hindered you was lack of confidence not being too nice.
AverageJoe Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Oh man, you blew it (or should have). Women always say, they dont want sex. They dont want to appear to be the whore, or the slut. Here is the rub, if they mention it, it means they are thinking of it. They just want to make sure upfront they are not percieved as a slut or whore. The rest is semantics. This has been said to me before, and I haved looked them dead in the eyes and said something like; "What makes you think I want to have sex with YOU? Besides, you know what the judge told you about that!" Laughter ensues and we take it from there. You messed up, but lessoned learned. Dont pussy out again man.
ascendotum Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I have to admit OP, I chuckled when I read this, only because I have been in your shoes in regards to this situation, as I am sure many other supposed 'nice' guys have been. I beat myself up over lost opportunities like this with girls like this, but the reality is you just don't know if it would have made any difference,...making tentative efforts and getting blocked..who knows, in all likelihood you were a placeholder until as porter218 said her next 'bad boy' turned up. Hey, at least you put your hand down her pants and tried to kiss her.
Author DSM2709 Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 AverageJoe, I like your comment about the having sex with her...that was good. The other problem I run into is just what to say at the precise moment. I am not "quick" with the comebacks or the wisecracks (Cocky Funny), it just DOESN'T come to me, so then I just either say "ok" or say something else. But then I always think about it afterwards and think "****, what didn't say that instead?" I think it is a lack in confidence, so what do I do to change? Do I care less, and treat women like ****, because that's seems to be what works for them these days. Woman want cocky funny, confident men, but what if your not gifted like that. Don't get me wrong I have been in relationships of course that have failed because I was a nice guy with no backbone, and it eventually ruined me. Plus how do I give a personal profile for online dating that stands out, and gets women's attention? Any tips? Thanks guys for all the support, I do find myself talking to women more often in public, I try to be cocky funny, and it seems to work, but then I can't seem to close the deal...something I need to work on as well.
abouttoloseit Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 However, it never hurts to ask. It may make you look dumb, but at least you won't look like a confused rapist. LOLOLOL! :lmao: You made me spit my drink out!
carhill Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 She's got a track record though of being with bad guys and smoking, drinking (Alcoholic)...a typical Harley Chick..tattoo's etc, etc, a real mess Is this the kind of woman you want to have a LTR with? I would suggest practicing more 'assertive' behaviors on women who have at least a modicum of compatibility, rather than 'jumping' at those who appear to offer you 'something'. That's a lesson from the playbook I developed as a result of doing exactly that (picking the wrong women) for way too long. Here's your sign....of your sexual partners, how many have been ONS, FWB, poly, affairs, etc? If they've all been within relationships, that's your path. If you're a good man, that's your path. Accept your path BTW, John, I loved the 'confused rapist' comment. LOL. BTDT
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