lovelydemon Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Hi I really need help sorting this out. I've never dated much and had a tendency of sliding into a new relationship after a very short dating period. In my last relationship we moved in together after dating for about 3 months. Fast forward 5 years later, during which I realized we were not very compatible and so I left him. After the break up with my ex I started to follow the "Love in 90 days" program by Diana Kirschner. Among other dating tips it introduces a program of "Dating three to find the one". Basically it encourages to date 3 guys at the same time, allocating more time for the guys that you like and that treat you well and finding a substitute for the "losers". I was hoping it would help me to made a better choice BEFORE starting a serious relationship. So I started doing online dating and met a great guy. He wanted to be exclusive in about a month after we started dating (we saw each other about twice a week). He made it clear that he's trying to take up all my time so other guys won't have a chance. I must say it worked, I stopped talking to a couple of guys just because I didn't have time! But of course I didn't tell him that . About a month later he asks me again if we are a bf/gf. I told him I am not dating anybody else right now but I'd like to keep it casual. Anyway we were both using 2 online dating sites and he deleted profile on the one we met through. He never asked me if I still had mine up. I found his other profile on the other site and realized that he was checking in every couple of days, which didn't bother me since I wanted to keep it casual anyway. I assumed we were on the same page. Now, a month later, he found my profile and asked me if he should be concerned. So I explained that I was still seeing other people, of course, nothing as serious as what we had going on ( I went on 1 date while we were together lol). Anyway he got very upset and said that I insulted him and wasn’t communicating right. That he thought we stopped dating other people. What was he doing on that site then?? I don’t get it. We broke up mostly because I realized there were some things that bothered me about him that I know will not go away. So I started talking to the guy I went on that one date. We went out again, which for me was like a first date since it was awhile ago. We were supposed to go on another date this weekend but had to cancel cause of the weather and me being very busy in school. So he asked me through text if I was seeing other people which I said” yes “(not true but I still would like to follow the program), “but it’s not the reason why we couldn’t meet, I was just very busy” To what he replied “Whatever, I’m not a fool, I thought we had smth special and I don’t have time for this” WTF??? We’ve been on 2 dates. I really don’t get it. Now I started doubting if this program of dating three can work at all. Any thoughts if there is something I'm doing wrong? Thank you
Allisha Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 (edited) Yeah, what you're doing wrong is reading some weird book on the way to find love. If these books really worked, or if there were guidelines to follow, everyone would be in love. That's simply not how it works. Don't force the issue. Be natural & be yourself. Contrary to popular belief, there aren't really any rules in dating. Date however many guys you feel comfortable with.. not how many a book tells you to. Eventually, and probably when you're not even looking, the right guy will come along. Just trust your gut feelings/instincts - that's all you need, not a book; I would put it down to sheer coincidence if anyone has found love after reading one of these books. Edited September 30, 2010 by Allisha
Rooooob Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I think Allisha summed it up, nicely. Lying is never a good idea. Period. You told this last guy that you were seeing other people (even though you yourself admitted that he was the only one at that time). People don't like to share. It's that simple, really. Do whatever it is that you wanna do, not what some program says.
Eeyore79 Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I prefer dating to be more like a sit-down meal than a buffet... one course at a time, not grabbing half a dozen canapes and shoving them all into your mouth at once! If I find out that someone is dating me and also dating someone else, I'll drop them like a hot potato, because they're obviously not enough into me to give me their full attention.
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