KafkasLastWords Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 ok so i've been dating this guy for a little over a month and a half now. here are the facts: - we talk throughout the day, he constantly is thinking of me and sending me texts to let me know. - i've met most of his friends - we spend every weekend together - 2 weeks ago, he took me home to meet his family - this past weekend he took me to a weekend trip for the engagment party of one of his best friends (he's in the wedding) and it was literally only the families of the engaged couple and the people in the wedding party with their significant (not insignificant) others. BUT - he says he isn't ready to be exclusive how can he say he think i may be the one, repeatedly, but not want to be exclusive. is it because he isn't sure about me? is it because his last relationship really devastated him and he wants to be sure before getting into something else? my head is spinning and i'm not sure what to think.
New Again Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 He says that to keep you interested. You KNOW what to think, because he told you - he's not ready to be exclusive.
GooseChaser Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 He has feelings for you, but as he says, he isn't ready to make a commitment. You may have to wait for him to be ready. Are you willing to wait? You also need to think about whether he seems like a real commitment-phobe or if he may change over time when he is over his baggage. What will you do now? I'm in a similar situation. I empathize.
ComeUndone Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 If he thought you were "the one" then he would want to only be with you. He is telling you want he thinks you want to hear so he can have you AND other women. Don't get attached...
GooseChaser Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 If he thought you were "the one" then he would want to only be with you. He is telling you want he thinks you want to hear so he can have you AND other women. Don't get attached... Oh, I thought you meant he's afraid of just commitment, not commitment AND exclusivity... red flag there. Do you want to be one of his "options", or do you want to be "the one"? Don't make someone a priority when they make you nothing but an option.
Star Gazer Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 From what you describe, I imagine you're having sex with him...but I don't want to assume. So, are you? If so, he's a cake man. If not, I understand his trepidation.
CLC2008 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Woah. Those are very conflicting signals. Not very fair to do on his part....
Author KafkasLastWords Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 I should probably add a couple of details: 1) I was out of a 5 year relationship that ended in April when we met and when he started moving full-speed ahead I told him my situation and that I really needed to take things slow and not rush into anything. I reitterated that a few times... 2) He is very open and honest with me and voluntarily told me about the only other girl he'd gone on any dates with 3 weeks ago... they went out a total of 3 times and then he stopped. I kept saying we weren't exclusive so he really didn't have to tell me at all. 3) When he did tell me about the girl I got pretty sad and realized how much I cared about him and told him I wasn't sure if I could see him anymore. He immediately said ok then let's be exclusive and that he didn't want to lose me... I agreed but the next day when he called to say hi I told him I wasn't happy and wanted us to only be exclusive when we were both ready to be... not out of fear and pressure. does any of that change anything?
ComeUndone Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 So you said you met in April and that right off it was moving fast, buy then you say you have been dating for about 1 1/2 months, so I'm a little confused about how long you've actually been together. Maybe he was following your lead when he said he isn't ready to be exclusive?
CLC2008 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I should probably add a couple of details: 1) I was out of a 5 year relationship that ended in April when we met and when he started moving full-speed ahead I told him my situation and that I really needed to take things slow and not rush into anything. I reitterated that a few times... 2) He is very open and honest with me and voluntarily told me about the only other girl he'd gone on any dates with 3 weeks ago... they went out a total of 3 times and then he stopped. I kept saying we weren't exclusive so he really didn't have to tell me at all. 3) When he did tell me about the girl I got pretty sad and realized how much I cared about him and told him I wasn't sure if I could see him anymore. He immediately said ok then let's be exclusive and that he didn't want to lose me... I agreed but the next day when he called to say hi I told him I wasn't happy and wanted us to only be exclusive when we were both ready to be... not out of fear and pressure. does any of that change anything? Possibly, yes. I guess ultimately, the question worth asking yourself is what you are OK with accepting as a relationship. If you are comfortable with both of you dating other people while dating each other casually, then it could work.
New Again Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I should probably add a couple of details: 1) I was out of a 5 year relationship that ended in April when we met and when he started moving full-speed ahead I told him my situation and that I really needed to take things slow and not rush into anything. I reitterated that a few times... 2) He is very open and honest with me and voluntarily told me about the only other girl he'd gone on any dates with 3 weeks ago... they went out a total of 3 times and then he stopped. I kept saying we weren't exclusive so he really didn't have to tell me at all. 3) When he did tell me about the girl I got pretty sad and realized how much I cared about him and told him I wasn't sure if I could see him anymore. He immediately said ok then let's be exclusive and that he didn't want to lose me... I agreed but the next day when he called to say hi I told him I wasn't happy and wanted us to only be exclusive when we were both ready to be... not out of fear and pressure. does any of that change anything? After reading this I can see how he might think that you are giving mixed messages.
Author KafkasLastWords Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 So you said you met in April and that right off it was moving fast, buy then you say you have been dating for about 1 1/2 months, so I'm a little confused about how long you've actually been together. Maybe he was following your lead when he said he isn't ready to be exclusive? nope sorry that may have been confusing. we didn't meet in april, we met in august. my ex and i broke up in april.
Author KafkasLastWords Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 The confusion is over. This past weekend he told me I am exactly what he's been waiting for and I am all he wants, so we are officially together. He admitted how he was really hurt in his last relationship and just wanted to be really sure before entering a new one. We are both really happy!
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