red shoes Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I was out on a second date with a guy. It was going well until he tripped. He quickly got up, brushed himself and pretended as if nothing happened. I was obviously concerned but instead of taking care of himself, he wanted to make sure his trip didn't scare or surprise me in a bad way. Was that a macho act out of wanting to keep his manliness, perhaps, in front of someone he likes? Or did he just feel embarassed about falling over, irregardless of who he might be with?
Woggle Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 He wanted to impress you because men think that is what women like.
Author red shoes Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 He wanted to impress you because men think that is what women like. Even if so, isn't it a little strange that he didn't even acknowledge the fact that he just tripped? It was like it was all in my imagination and didn't happen.
Philetus Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I was out on a second date with a guy. It was going well until he tripped. He quickly got up, brushed himself and pretended as if nothing happened. I was obviously concerned but instead of taking care of himself, he wanted to make sure his trip didn't scare or surprise me in a bad way. Was that a macho act out of wanting to keep his manliness, perhaps, in front of someone he likes? Or did he just feel embarassed about falling over, irregardless of who he might be with? This. He doesn't want to seem lesser in your eyes. His trip caused, in his estimation, his status to fall in your eyes. So, he tried to ignore that it happened. I'd have made a joke about it, 'sidewalk is trying to kill me' or something like that. But, it's comes from the same place. I don't think he's being macho, just trying to be cool.
Author red shoes Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 This. He doesn't want to seem lesser in your eyes. His trip caused, in his estimation, his status to fall in your eyes. So, he tried to ignore that it happened. I'd have made a joke about it, 'sidewalk is trying to kill me' or something like that. But, it's comes from the same place. I don't think he's being macho, just trying to be cool. So that means he just wants to not be seen lesser by anyone? Not just me then.
Woggle Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 He wants to see him as the alpha male because that is what women like and acting hurt will decrease that.
carhill Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 This happened to me a few days ago, when descending the upper deck stairs on a 747 in Japan, I tripped on the last step and took a header into the luggage I was lugging down the stairs. The FA immediately asked 'are you OK?'. My response, though my ankle was hurting but not broken or sprained, was 'nothing injured but my pride' with a smile, and I moved on. IMO, it's not macho, but rather a conscious effort to minimize the impact of my mistake on those around me. I apologized to the guy in front of me who had to get out of the way, as I saw he was obviously concerned. Then, life went on and off to transit security all 300+ of us went. OP, men are socialized to 'suck it up' and 'take it like a man'. From the failures in my marriage where I didn't adhere to this creed stemmed my wife's loss of attraction and eventual filing for divorce. Women are not attracted to 'weak' men, even if the weakness is situational, and, in general, society validates and approves of 'strong' males. That has been my life experience over a half century. I don't particularly like that dynamic but it is what it is. As social creatures, such experiences mold us, or we choose to opt out of the social hierarchy. Hope your guy was OK. Probably nothing more hurt than his pride
Author red shoes Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 This happened to me a few days ago, when descending the upper deck stairs on a 747 in Japan, I tripped on the last step and took a header into the luggage I was lugging down the stairs. The FA immediately asked 'are you OK?'. My response, though my ankle was hurting but not broken or sprained, was 'nothing injured but my pride' with a smile, and I moved on. IMO, it's not macho, but rather a conscious effort to minimize the impact of my mistake on those around me. I apologized to the guy in front of me who had to get out of the way, as I saw he was obviously concerned. Then, life went on and off to transit security all 300+ of us went. OP, men are socialized to 'suck it up' and 'take it like a man'. From the failures in my marriage where I didn't adhere to this creed stemmed my wife's loss of attraction and eventual filing for divorce. Women are not attracted to 'weak' men, even if the weakness is situational, and, in general, society validates and approves of 'strong' males. That has been my life experience over a half century. I don't particularly like that dynamic but it is what it is. As social creatures, such experiences mold us, or we choose to opt out of the social hierarchy. Hope your guy was OK. Probably nothing more hurt than his pride I hope your ankle's okay too. Even though I don't want a wussy, I wouldn't have minded if he showed just enough pain to let me know he's a human. So if you had hurt your ankle in front of a roomful of men instead of some attractive FAs, you would still have "sucked it up?"
carhill Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Personally, I don't discriminate, as it is my personality. Had the nearby FA been male, my response would have been exactly the same; however, with a US-based crew, it's possible a male FA wouldn't have shown concern in exactly the same way, as is the norm in male 'code'. Likely, their training is to assess potential injuries to treat appropriately and limit liability. Regardless, had it been a plane full of men (essentially, when I got off, it was, as business and first predominantly was populated by males on my flight) or a plane full of women, my responses would have been the same. I don't differentiate between the genders, though I realize that is not the norm. The ankle was swollen for a couple days and did preclude me from doing much hiking around Singapore and I found myself watching steps with great care Your OP *may* be a good example of the interplay between want and attraction. You want the guy to show some 'pain' and that he's 'human' and that's on your mind, mixed in with whatever motivations you have for dating him. Maybe someday he'll share that part of himself with you. Such desires unmet drive attraction. One potential
Philetus Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 So that means he just wants to not be seen lesser by anyone? Not just me then. Yeah, by anyone but especially you.
somedude81 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 A while ago I had just finished a bike ride date with a girl. I was talking to her, walking backwards while rolling the bike out. I'm not sure how, but I tripped. I laughed and said it was her fault for distracting me
GooseChaser Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I was out on a second date with a guy. It was going well until he tripped. He quickly got up, brushed himself and pretended as if nothing happened. I was obviously concerned but instead of taking care of himself, he wanted to make sure his trip didn't scare or surprise me in a bad way. Was that a macho act out of wanting to keep his manliness, perhaps, in front of someone he likes? Or did he just feel embarassed about falling over, irregardless of who he might be with? Maybe he was just unharmed and wanted to brush it off as not a big deal so you wouldn't worry.
Star Gazer Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I have always found it funny when people trip and act like nothing happened. You know what? It actually makes you look more embarrassing to other people when you pretend nothing happened. Meh, I disagree. I am one of the biggest klutzes ever born. It's a joke amongst my friends: "Don't fall down and hurt yourself!"...even when walking across a flat parking lot in flats. I've grown so accustomed to falling down that, unless I really hurt myself, I literally bounce up and pretend like nothing happened. It's as common as sneezing for me. Doesn't deserve fan fair. Literally just did this at Chevy's on Monday...took a waiter down with me. No big deal.
Author red shoes Posted September 30, 2010 Author Posted September 30, 2010 Nah, tripping wouldn't make me thing less of a guy. There are other bigger red flags out there. Anyway, I probably won't know if he was trying to impress me with his macho-ness or he was just embarassed. Only he knows.
USMCHokie Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Literally just did this at Chevy's on Monday...took a waiter down with me. No big deal. Oh wow, you didn't tell me there were casualties... :laugh:
Allisha Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Oh wow, you didn't tell me there were casualties... :laugh: You two = cute. =]
Star Gazer Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Oh wow, you didn't tell me there were casualties... :laugh: Oh yeah, baby! Hot fajita plates went flying! Broke my heel too!
USMCHokie Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 You two = cute. =] :) Oh yeah, baby! Hot fajita plates went flying! Broke my heel too! :laugh::love:
Rooooob Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 If he was acting as if nothing happened, then he was just most likely embarrassed. Do guys always want to act macho? Some guys, sure. That's not really my thing, though. At times I'm the big macho man, and other times I'm the sensitive guy. Personally, if that was me that had fallen, I would have been laughing. But that's just the way I deal with stuff like that. Were all different.
counterman Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 If I were in this situation, I would just laugh. It has happened before, and whether it was a girl or guy around me at the time, they just laughed! No biggie. I am not usually embarrassed but I might say something like "how embarassing" and chuckle and move on. There are exceptions though. Unless I really hurt myself, then I might let down an "argh", or an expletive, and then suck it up. Some people do that to salvage some pride. It is embarrassing and he doesn't want you to see him as "weak". As carhill said, it might lower your attraction to him. From my experience, this has been the case. Showing too much of those emotions that aren't masculine detracts from the attraction that a girl might feel for a guy. However, it didn't help when there were other people around and my ex was embarrassed for herself.
Author red shoes Posted September 30, 2010 Author Posted September 30, 2010 If I were in this situation, I would just laugh. It has happened before, and whether it was a girl or guy around me at the time, they just laughed! No biggie. I am not usually embarrassed but I might say something like "how embarassing" and chuckle and move on. There are exceptions though. Unless I really hurt myself, then I might let down an "argh", or an expletive, and then suck it up. Some people do that to salvage some pride. It is embarrassing and he doesn't want you to see him as "weak". As carhill said, it might lower your attraction to him. From my experience, this has been the case. Showing too much of those emotions that aren't masculine detracts from the attraction that a girl might feel for a guy. However, it didn't help when there were other people around and my ex was embarrassed for herself. I think most people would laugh it off. But he had no expression except to show concern toward me, worried that the trip would have startled me. I would have thought having a laugh together would foster more comraderie.
JohnnyBlaze Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I think most people would laugh it off. But he had no expression except to show concern toward me, worried that the trip would have startled me. I would have thought having a laugh together would foster more comraderie. For guys, it's all about the image. If something happens but we don't feel (or at least, don't show) pain, then it appears that we're tough, which makes us more likely to be the alpha male in the area. Making a joke about it can give a momentary laugh, but there's always the risk of backfire. A girl thinking a guy is funny from one joke is temporary, but a girl thinking a guy is a wuss is almost always permanent. It's the whole risk/reward calculation. And to answer your question about whether we'd act the same if there were only men around, the answer is yes; we would. Showing that you're tougher than the other guys in the area is a textbook alpha display, and where better to do it than in front of your competition? Although most guys will deny it to their grave, guys do talk, so if someone takes an injury and blows it off, he will get the admiration of the others. On the other hand, if he whines and cries, he will be mocked long after the injury heals. The story will be retold and laughed at anew, quite possibly in front of women.
Sphere Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I'm naturally emotionally wooden and wooden in general. You should see me dancing, it's like I'm the tinman from the Wizard of Oz. If I fell down, I would probably laugh about it, get up dust myself off and carry on walking. If I was hurt I simply would just get on with it. I wouldn't start rolling around the floor causing a scene.
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