JessaL Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 If your SO said they would be home at a certain time, and several hours later still were not home and had not texted or called, would you be annoyed, or would being annoyed make you a drama queen? And, if you are married or live together, does that make a difference? I'm guessing not, since my mom was always pissed at my dad for not being home when he said he would be.
atlnay Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 (edited) I am HUGE worry wart/worse case scenario person. A guy I was dating was expected to come see me to help run and errand before the mall closed at 9. By the time 8 came and I didn't get a call, I sent him a text and still no reply. Sometime after 9 I got a call and was too mad to take it. He called back profusely apologizing and explained why he was delayed. It was a reasonable & very sweet excuse: he was trying to go above and beyond in helping me, by borrowing a larger vehicle and ended up getting delayed in the process. I realized his style of problem solving was to keep what he is doing to himself & suprise the person, but I told him it made me anxious and while he didn't need to "check in" every 5 mins, just don't leave me hanging and either give me a heads up on the delay or get back to me as soon as possible, details can come later. If it's a repeated offense, I'd take it as disrespect of my feelings. But if it happened once, I'd negotiate a good compromise. The first time it happened, I wouldn't be a raving lunatic, but I would definitely let him know it bothered me and why. Edited September 29, 2010 by atlnay
luvnpain Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 This is a pet peeve of mine, so yes I understand your annoyed feelings. People should be more accountable to their word, and not set an expectaion unless they are sure they will follow through. If it's something that happens frequently, then it could be passive aggressive behavior. Was your SO mad about something you did recently? All this extra time you are calling, and worrying they know exactly where you are and what you are doing, and they get off on knowing that you don't know ish. It's a perfect indirect retaliation, and also childish as hell. It could just be something came up though. You set the standard for how you want to be treated, so communicate what you want without ranting and raving and move forward.
USMCHokie Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 For me, lateness or absence generally requires a text or some kind of correspondence letting the other person know...it's just basic consideration for another person...if she was very late, I'd shoot a text asking where she was...but then I'd go about my day... If this was a repeat problem, then LAUNCH. I don't have patience for inconsiderate people.
make me believe Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I would absolutely be annoyed! I would text or call him and ask what was up & when he was going to be home. Then when he got home I would tell him that I was worried about him since he was so late and hadn't bothered to call. It's extremely inconsiderate to do that, and I would let him know that I expect him to call or text me if he's going to be more than a little bit late. I think that's basic courtesy. I would never stay out hours later than expected without letting my BF know what was going on.
denise_xo Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I would just call him to see if he was OK... I've never been in a situation where a man hasn't had a valid reason for absence/ lack of contact, so my point of departure would be give him the benefit of the doubt. Obviously, if this is something he does to you regularly without any good reason, that's different.
New Again Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 This is something would annoy me. I would send a text asking what was up, but don't know how I would handle it from there. Could depend on the circumstances or person.
Author JessaL Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 Okay, so it's not just me. I sent a text after he was almost 3 hrs late to see what was going on and he responded almost immediately, and got home almost an hour after that. When I asked why he didn't let me know he was going to be late he said that he didn't realize what time it was. I didn't say it because I didn't want to argue, but I don't buy that excuse because he was only supposed to be gone for an hour, so I don't really understand how you can be gone for 4 hours and not realize it has been way longer than an hour. He also tried to say that he hadn't given me an exact time, which is BS and I said so and repeated back to him exactly what he had said to me. I'm pretty annoyed in general about this because I think it's inconsiderate, but also especially because he is going on vacation, without me () next week and we were supposed to spend time together this week, but instead he was gone until too late to hang out last night, is going to be busy tonight (he decided this morning), I have an outstanding commitment for Thursday nights, and he is busy all day Saturday. So we will see each other Friday after work, and then won't see each other for a week and a half. I told him last weekend that this weekend not to make any plans because we were finally going to have a weekend to hang out, and instead he book his Saturday completely full. Also, there is nothing he could possibly be mad at me about, so he's not being passive aggressive.
Philetus Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 If your SO said they would be home at a certain time, and several hours later still were not home and had not texted or called, would you be annoyed, or would being annoyed make you a drama queen? And, if you are married or live together, does that make a difference? I'm guessing not, since my mom was always pissed at my dad for not being home when he said he would be. Yes, I would be very annoyed. It's disrespectful and respect is a big part of relationships. No difference if living together, married, or living in different places. It's a respect thing and there had better be a good explanation why they couldn't send a text. If it happened once, I'd even accept, "I'm sorry, I forgot". The apology would be enough. The second time would be bad.
ComeUndone Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 It depends. If he got home and had a reasonable explanation as to why he didn't call, then I'd understand and would get over my annoyance. If he just got busy with whatever he was doing and it never even dawned on him the importance of calling (consideration), I'd be annoyed. My bf does this from time to time... it irks me.
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