Confusedalways Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 (edited) Oops.. title should say "run ME" Guys, I'm having a panic attack. I'm supposed to go out to dinner (!) friday with this guy I met online. We've been doing some light texting so I'm kind of getting to know him. Unfortunately there was really not much around the way of dinner, we're both busy except for Friday during dinner so that's how it's going to have to be. But seriously, like... how on earth does this even work? You arrive and sit in your car? Go inside? Wait inside? Do you greet with a hug? A handshake? Is it nervvy for the first minutes then it's fine? Am I going to be a wreck all day? I'm already shaking and it's only tuesday. This is going to be a hot mess. I need therapy. I might seriously not be cut out for this. Edited September 29, 2010 by Confusedalways
atlnay Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 (edited) Lol...BREATHE...try not to let it be nerve racking it can be a lot of fun!! When I meet someone for dinner, I tend to be running a bit late and rather him be inside seated at the bar or something. If there is an initial physical attraction towards him, I give a brief hug a huge smile and breathe a sigh of relief...lol And if not, I may shake his hand, still give a big smile and just make the most of the evening. After we part company, if I am now mentally attracted to the cute guy, I give another hug, a little longer. If I am still not attracted to the 2nd guy, I may shake hands again or just wave bye. Either case, I follow up with a brief, thanks for the outing, looking forward to seeing you again or/you were nice but we don't click, good luck to ya! Edited September 29, 2010 by atlnay
aerogurl87 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Ok so I may not be much help to this as I met my boyfriend on an online dating site but our first date lasted 2 weeks, lol. But here are my tips. 1) Talk to him on the phone at least once before meeting. I'm not sure about you but I can't date someone whose voice annoys me. 2) Make sure a friend knows where you are and have them call or text during the date to make sure you're ok. 3) Be yourself and dress appropriately for the date.
USMCHokie Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Oh gee golly whiz confused... Trust me, it's probably a lot more nerve-racking for a guy than a girl...but to each their own... If you are meeting up with someone, I would park the car and walk up to the entrance of the restaurant. If the guy is worth a damn, you will see him standing by the entrance waiting for you. If for any reason you're going to be late, let him know. As for the first gesture, if you feel hot and bothered upon seeing this gentleman, by all means go for the hug. I've done both the shaking hands thing and the hugging thing...and I prefer the light hug (but that's because I'm very huggable :laugh:). I don't know if you're normally a nervous person...if you are, try your best to treat the dinner like any dinner you'd have with your friends. Don't stress yourself out trying to impress the guy...he should be impressed enough by you being yourself that you don't have to put on a show for him... And even if you are a hot mess, so what? The guy might actually find it endearing ! I know I would if I liked you. By the end of dinner, you might stick around and chat for a bit...most of my first date dinners lasted in the 2+ hour range...when you get up to go, the gentleman should always take the initiative in suggesting a second date (assuming he's interested). He should also walk you to your car, where he'll give you a hug and perhaps even a kiss! I know gender roles are sorta 'eh' nowadays, but in all honesty, just go along for the ride! The guy with half a brain should be in charge of that first date and keep things flowing smoothly. You just have to concentrate on HAVING FUN! Good luck!
Author Confusedalways Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 I'm going to be a wreck all week. I feel like after maybe 10 minutes I'll be good to go, but the drive there sounds terrifying and terrible. And actually SEEING/ greeting is giving me all kinds of stress levels. I'll have to blast enya or something. Honestly I consider myself pretty personable and I know how to move a conversation along rather well, it's just I'm worried he's going to like expect something I'm not or something?! I don't know! I'm panicing already!
TouchedByViolet Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 What's your interest level in this guy? Don't put it too high or you may end up sabotaging the date by talking too much, talking too little, or simple come off as a kind of hyper-confusedalways. Either way, try your best to be your calm and straight headed self. If you act all crazy now and the behavior spills over into the date you will be kicking yourself later for coming across as a weirdo. When in doubt, be yourself, and act natural. Oh and don't forget to smile
Author Confusedalways Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 My interest level is low to low-medium. Expectations are definitely low. I've been excited about stuff too many times and had it go wrong so I pretty much am able to maintain not expecting much/anything. I just want to teleport in time to the moment where we're like 10 minutes into conversation, I feel like I could take it from there. Just the waiting and introducing and greeting seems so hard!
AmItheOnlyOne Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I'm going to be a wreck all week. I feel like after maybe 10 minutes I'll be good to go, but the drive there sounds terrifying and terrible. And actually SEEING/ greeting is giving me all kinds of stress levels. I'll have to blast enya or something. Honestly I consider myself pretty personable and I know how to move a conversation along rather well, it's just I'm worried he's going to like expect something I'm not or something?! I don't know! I'm panicing already! hehe I still get this way and I met one too many people online. It's just natural, and you can't 'make it go away' because.. even if you meet more people everytime you will feel it. The point I'm making is.. just like giving a public speech.. we want to somehow make that feeling go away because we think it means something bad, like we aren't prepared, or something.. but really, what it is... it's that thing that makes you sort of 'preppy' and 'fun'.. to a complete stranger. In other words, if a stranger met you and you were as relaxed and calm as you are say, with a friend you known... they would take that as .. like there's no action, there's no spark here... etc. So the fact you feel like this is actually a good thing. Trust me
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Oops.. title should say "run ME" Guys, I'm having a panic attack. I'm supposed to go out to dinner (!) friday with this guy I met online. We've been doing some light texting so I'm kind of getting to know him. Unfortunately there was really not much around the way of dinner, we're both busy except for Friday during dinner so that's how it's going to have to be. But seriously, like... how on earth does this even work? You arrive and sit in your car? Go inside? Wait inside? Do you greet with a hug? A handshake? Is it nervvy for the first minutes then it's fine? Am I going to be a wreck all day? I'm already shaking and it's only tuesday. This is going to be a hot mess. I need therapy. I might seriously not be cut out for this. Geez, iron these things out to the letter of the details before you meet! It really is OK if some of it is choreographed. Had you had your thinking caps on all the way, you would have waited for a decent amount of time to pass, long enough for each to learn of the important pawns in the lives of the other, so that conversation would thrive all the way. The whole idea is to bring your mind as near to what to expect from start to finish as you can, while at the same time inspiring his mind to envision things very near to they'll actually be. Mutual comfort is of considerable importance in this scenario, and it doesn't hurt to make some effort toward that end before the date.
Sivok Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Haha, my forté! Usually a handshake if she's already in the restaurant, hug if we meet outside.
tincanman99 Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 IMO dinner is to much. I would do coffee/deserts or something. You dont want to be stuck with someone you are not interested in for hours. Speaking as a guy I dont do dinner unless I have done at least 1 casual coffee/desert thing first. Who wants to waste time and $$ on someone you dont like.
Serenitynow Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 You shouldnt even be on a dating site if you cant handle meeting someone in a mature manner and think it through without having panic attacks.
BobSacamento Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Oops.. title should say "run ME" Guys, I'm having a panic attack. I'm supposed to go out to dinner (!) friday with this guy I met online. We've been doing some light texting so I'm kind of getting to know him. Unfortunately there was really not much around the way of dinner, we're both busy except for Friday during dinner so that's how it's going to have to be. But seriously, like... how on earth does this even work? You arrive and sit in your car? Go inside? Wait inside? Do you greet with a hug? A handshake? Is it nervvy for the first minutes then it's fine? Am I going to be a wreck all day? I'm already shaking and it's only tuesday. This is going to be a hot mess. I need therapy. I might seriously not be cut out for this. These are all minor details. If you think about them too much you'll psych yourself out. 1. Meet at the bar 2. Handshake 3. Start out by talking about how your day is going so far. The conversation usually runs smoothly after that. 4. Is he a deadbeat loser? 5. Play defense
SilentVoice Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Especially since your nerves seem to be running so high . I would really recommend you meeting people for a coffee meet up first. Not only because the money but it gives you to time to meet someone with out the distraction of an activity; I.E movies. Or even the distraction of food. It doesn't have to be starbucks but it can be an independent cafe, a small dive,Pink Berry, or even Barnes and Nobles. I think keeping it simple would help your nerves and would be a great meet up. I hope Friday goes well for you.
Author Confusedalways Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 Sorry guys - I tried for coffee, I really did.. but he seemed really into the dinner idea. I'm not going to fight someone over a venue, not worth it IMO. anyway, we had to move plans to Sat (my bad entirely) I mixed up nights in my planner, but thankfully he understood. I'll be sure to update
alexlakeman Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 IMO dinner is to much. I would do coffee/deserts or something. You dont want to be stuck with someone you are not interested in for hours. Speaking as a guy I dont do dinner unless I have done at least 1 casual coffee/desert thing first. Who wants to waste time and $$ on someone you dont like. +1 +1 what he said
Author Confusedalways Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 just wanted to update you all since I know I love a good update on this website. He luckily beat me there, waited for me outside the restaurant and we went in... sat there for 5 hours. He paid, it wasn't awkward thankfully. The first 2 or 2 and a half were pleasant... but I felt the convo really dying after that. I kind of tried to make it seem like I was ready to go but he was ready to talk the night away, it seemed. Anyway, he was nice and very pleasant, not sure if I want to see him again but he sent a text 30 minutes after telling me how great of a time he had and so on and so forth. Hm.
USMCHokie Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 He luckily beat me there, waited for me outside the restaurant and we went in... sat there for 5 hours. He paid, it wasn't awkward thankfully. The first 2 or 2 and a half were pleasant... but I felt the convo really dying after that. I kind of tried to make it seem like I was ready to go but he was ready to talk the night away, it seemed. Yikes...5 hours is too long...even if you're having a great time...I'm sure the service staff were like, WTF...?
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