5 year relationship. Where to go?

[abby_tx]

Some quick background, I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 years. We're 27 and 28. We have never lived together, but I stay at his place 2-3 times a week.

 

He owns his own business and trying to get this off the ground before thinking about marriage or the next step. He wants to have enough money to support himself before popping the question. Because he's so busy, we rarely take trips. We took one "real" trip and one quick trip in the 5 years we've been together. Like I said before, we only hang out 2-3 times a week and it's usually just dinner and drinks or a movie.

 

Here's the problem. I no longer yearn/dream of marriage. At this point it feels like more of a business deal I assume we'll enter in when he has money. The spark we used to have is lost, though I do love him beyond measure. By spark I mean when we're in a bar or someplace, I don't have a desire to kiss him or hold his hand. I don't feel turned on by him. I also am grumpy that he never wants to plan fun activities. Mainly just eating and drinking. He hates certain things I love: amusement parks, haunted houses, road trips, adventures. I'm not an extremely adventurous person, but I don't just want to sit around my whole life. Something as simple as horse back riding I've wanted to do the last 5 years and he hasn't done it with me.

 

Is this just what happens after 5 years? Can we get past it? Do we date other people since he isn't in a position to be married?

[Knittress]

Have you asked this in the other forums? You might get more and better responses.

 

'Is that just what happens after five years.' Gee, I hope not. My longest relationship was 3, and those feelings marked the beginnings of a downward spiral of discontent and emotionally pulling away from each other. So... were I in your shoes, and I kinda was, halfway at least - I'd forget about the sparks for now (THOSE, I think come and go), and just think about what type of life you want for yourself, and contemplate history/worthiness aside, whether your current partner is someone who would be a companion in your ideal life-vision. Actually, talk it over with HIM - "what do you want, when do you want it, etc etc" and see if that matches up. I've come to feel that we shouldn't squander our youth on lovely people who won't work out.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Knittress

[atlnay]

Like I said before, we only hang out 2-3 times a week and it's usually just dinner and drinks or a movie.

 

I also am grumpy that he never wants to plan fun activities. Mainly just eating and drinking. He hates certain things I love: amusement parks, haunted houses, road trips, adventures. I'm not an extremely adventurous person, but I don't just want to sit around my whole life. Something as simple as horse back riding I've wanted to do the last 5 years and he hasn't done it with me.

 

Is this just what happens after 5 years? Can we get past it? Do we date other people since he isn't in a position to be married?

 

OP, do you both enjoy the dinner/drinks/movie...is that a shared interest? If so, that's great and perhaps you can find friends to share doing the things you love? Is that an option?

[that girl]

I have a hard time believing that the real problem is that he doesn't like amusement parks.

 

I think there is probably an underlying issue- either something basic in the relationship (like he doesn't spend enough time with you) or the marriage timeline.