Leandro's log

[Leandro]

We'll I'm just starting this so I can keep track on how I am progressing. I can use this to write down how I feel and all.

 

So today is day 22 of NC. I finally cut the grass!! I haven't cut it since the break up. I'm going to start exercising and dieting to lose weight. I've always wanted to lose weight but my ex was fine with me being a little big, but now she's gone. I'm 20, 5'7 and 240lbs so yea I need to lose some pounds.

[Veronica K]

I'll bet it felt good to get that finished.

 

Looking forward to seeing how everything progresses!

[ohno89]

Good to see you're starting to do things for yourself after just 3 weeks NC...it's a positive sign Leandro, I'll be sure to keep checking in on you!

[Leandro]

Well today kinda started off bad.

 

Me and my mom went up to the college to sort some stuff out, I kinda knew I would see my ex and her new man but was fine with it. I was waiting in line to see someone and I saw him (the other guy) walking down the hall so I looked the other direction. I told my mom and she saw him and started laughing. She said that he is a joke. I'm not the only one who thinks that too. She wasn't with him at that time but I didn't look still. A little later my mom saw her but she said they were standing pretty far from each other and looked more like friends instead of a couple. She also said that my ex saw me and then later turned around to see me again. I didn't look at her at all. I just talked to my mom with a nice smile. I felt so weak during that time.

[ohno89]

I don't think you should feel weak, you handled the situation well. Remember, always keep composed until behind closed doors!

[Leandro]

lol yea. I wanted to see her but I didn't know know how I was going to react so I didn't.

[Leandro]

Well I actually had a dream without my ex in it for the first time. It was still a weird dream lol. I still wake up thinking about her and wondering if she is ok.

[spriggig]

I'm 20, 5'7 and 240lbs so yea I need to lose some pounds.

 

Now is a good time to start, here ya go, it's a lot easier than you think:

http://www.paleonu.com/get-started/

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/

http://www.thelivinlowcarbshow.com/shownotes/

[Leandro]

well i just got back from the gym. It was a pretty good work out. I feel the burn throughout my body . During the workout a song came up on my ipod. I think its called "the sound of goodbye". Its a techno song so i didn't think much about it. I was so wrong! I just

wanted to cry like i did the day of the break up. I don't know where those feelings came from. I didn't though. just sucked it in. the feelings went away when the song was over. Im good now. Shower, bed and sleep like a baby!

[Veronica K]

It is great that you kept up your workout, despite the unexpected bump in the road. You got through it.

[Leandro]

Well I had some weird dream where the world was about to end and I was texting my ex that day to tell her that I loved her and missed her. It was a very weird dream. I never had a chance to send the message cause I woke up.

 

When I woke up I couldn't keep myself from crying. I miss her so much, but I guess she doesn't miss me.

 

Today makes 1 month of NC and almost 2 months since the break up.

[Leandro]

I hate the nights. I try to sleep but I can't. I can stay busy all day and think about her from time to time, but at night she is all I can think about. I've been keeping my self busy this week. Worked out pretty tough Monday and rested Tuesday, Wednesday, and today. I can feel the difference from the last workout now. Tomorrow I go back to the gym, looking forward to it. I still miss her though.

[Leandro]

Well I saw her again today. I was running a errand with a friend and we went to domino's on the way back. When we pulled in to the drive way I saw her pulling into the high school. I didn't see her really good, just the outline of her face. I feel really sick now .

[Leandro]

So today marks 5 weeks of NC. I went out with a friend yesterday to the Rockets game and met two new friends. I had a lot of fun. I didn't think much about my ex when I was with them. I just got home from hanging out with them. I still love her and miss her. Am I healed? Psshhh far from it I believe, but NC is slowly helping the pain go away.

[Leandro]

Well I had another weird dream last night. This one actually made me happy. I was at a movie theater and there was this girl next to me and during the movie she just leaned on my shoulder and held my arm like she was scared. It was pretty cool and I was smiling and all. Later after that we went to some park and hung out. we were both laughing and having fun. It was great. She didn't look like my ex except for the hair color. I have never seen this girl before. I was kinda sad when I woke up because I was having so much fun in the dream. oh well.

[Leandro]

Another bad night. I'm fine during the day cause I stay busy, but at night that's a different story. Some nights I can just fall asleep without thinking of her, others I can't stop thinking of her. I can't sleep right now. I miss her so much . I had another bad dream last night where I broke NC with her and she said since I ignored her that whole time she was going to marry her new bf .

[Sonolumino]

Don't let the dreams bother you. Mine are the same way.

[Leandro]

Thanks Sonolumino. It's hard not to worry about the dreams. January I had a dream where she left me for the guy she is with now and what happened? She did, but I'll try not to worry about it.

 

Tonight I went out with some friends to watch Jack*** 3D. It was hilarious and I had a great time. I finally told them about my ex and they all said to screw her, that she is too young to know anything. I know they are right. Next week I'm going to go watch Paranormal Activity 2, that should be fun.

[Emptiness]

I know what you mean about the nights brother. Sometimes I fall in to bed exhausted at 1am then proceed to wake up slowly over the next 30 minutes with a queazy uneasy feeling in my stomach. Can't stop thinking about her and running scenarios through my head.

 

Last night it was 4am before I got to sleep... can't go on like this... got too much stuff to do!

[Leandro]

well i have class today and she has a contest at the stadium behind my school. I know she's going to be with him all day. Nothing I can do but try to ignore it, and whats today? play sad love songs all day? that's all I hear.

[Leandro]

Today I hung out with friends again. We shot shotguns. That was my first time ever shooting a gun. It was a lot of fun!! I did pretty good they said. The whole time I didn't think about her. Now that it's night again, I'm thinking about her. I wondering how she is. I wonder how she is doing in school. I miss the friendship we had.

[Leandro]

well today I signed up for classes in the spring. Can't wait till then. I been doing good at the gym, but I haven't been doing my cardio lately. I also picked up a physics, electricty, AP algebra and AP chemisty books from the library. I want to become a smarter person. I also want my ex to see a new and better me, if we ever meet again. If not, oh well, it will attract someone else.

[Ajax]

Today I hung out with friends again. We shot shotguns. That was my first time ever shooting a gun. It was a lot of fun!! I did pretty good they said. The whole time I didn't think about her. Now that it's night again, I'm thinking about her. I wondering how she is. I wonder how she is doing in school. I miss the friendship we had.

 

 

Always makes me feel better!

[Leandro]

Well I spent the night at a friends house last night. It was cool and I had a lot of fun. This morning I woke up depressed and missed her so much. I didn't cry because I didn't want my friends to see it, but I can tell that I'm still in pain. Its been over 6 weeks of NC. Oh well. Tonight I'm going to go see Paranormal Activity 2 with the guys. Hopefully that will cheer me up a little.

[Leandro]

here waiting for movie to start. sad because she's not here and there are a good amount of couples here.