irc333 Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I often wondered this, one time, a good female friend of mine said she had to take me off her friends list because apparently the "new" guy she was dating at the time, who know of me, didn't like the idea of me being her friend (much less on FB), so she said she had to take me off...she said, "Sorry, nothing personal" I had other sitautions where I had a photo op with a "tipsy" female friend at a group outing with her boyfriend and others, the boyfriend went to the bathroom, and the g/f wanted to get a pic of me with her kissing me on the cheek. She's known me for a while, but still, I dont' know if that was crossing boundaries, she's even said in previous times, if her boyfriend had broke up with her or something, she'd run off with me" Remarks like that, kind of make me go "yay!" but at the same time, kind of an awkward statement, too. I even had a male friend of mine, that was good friends with a really good looking woman, she friendzoned, but adored him (said she wasn't interested in him in "that way" because she was at least 10 years older than him....but she adored him none the less, in some kind of platonic way) She even would reserve B-day party events for him for us to go see him. Then one day, she decided to cut contact with him altogether when things got serious with her boyfriend....she was still remaining friends iwth him..but when things got serious....she cut ALL contact, apparently he was in need of a friend to talk to. And she would never return her emails or calls...it was really weird that she did that without explanation. And I can only assumed, it was because she got engaged..and perhaps the boyfriend might have suggested soemthing to her that it would not please him to remain such "Tight friendships" with other men, and I'm thinking THAT might've happened. We did like 2 or 3 takes of her going, "Mmmmmmooaaaaah!" Typically, they put photos up of outings we went to, but I never saw THOSE pics go up. lol Sometimes I feel like someone's "dirty little secret" at times, go figure. Anyone here experienced the same thing?
Eeyore79 Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 My best friend's gf always perceived me as a threat. If I wanted him, I'd have had him long ago, so I don't know what she was so worried about! When they got married she forced him to cut all contact with me; he said he was able to ignore her when she was his gf, but he had to consider her feelings now she had become his wife. I haven't seen him since, which really annoys me. We weren't exes, had never dated, had never even kissed or flirted... we were just friends, and she was so jealous that she had to ruin our friendship.
Stung Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Getting drunk and taking a picture of herself kissing your cheek after telling you she'd want to go out with you if it weren't for her boyfriend--yeah, she crossed a line, IMO. I haven't been perceived as a threat in years, at least as far as I know. I have opposite-sex friends and am friendly with a few exes, but I am careful not to post much on their walls, and when I do it's always something casual, never suggestive. I don't send them private mail, either, and if we're IMing we keep the conversation banter-y and generally impersonal after asking about current relationships and kids. If we're hanging out in person our SOs always know about it and are invited to come with, although they don't always bother because they trust us. Respect the other person's relationship yourself and never give the other's SO a reason to suspect you, is my position. I did get into trouble when I was much younger and still figuring out social and personal boundaries. A close friend of mine was furious with me for crossing lines and being flirty with her boyfriend, and I honestly didn't see it at first, I was astounded at her interpretation of events. But I listened to her (once I could get her talking to me again) and realized she was right, that although I had felt innocent because my intentions were always pure, that I had let him push boundaries and I had just gone with the flow and laughed off or ignored some things I shouldn't have. What can I say, I was maybe seventeen, and still occasionally naive. It was a learning experience. Since then I have had guy friends pull back when they got serious about someone else, but I always accepted it as a natural by-product of their honeymoon period, when everyone else ceases to exist. They never cut me off completely and I never felt like a dirty secret, that would have made me uncomfortable and made me wonder just what was dirty about the dynamics of my friendship.
aerogurl87 Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Me a threat to someone else's SO? Nope never really happened. But I've cut off contact with alot of my old male friends mostly because most of them were exes and my boyfriend wasn't too comfortable with the idea of me being friends with guys who I had had sex with and who would still try and get with me if the opportunity arose. So that was understandable and I'm fine with it.
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