Antai Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Me and my boyfriend hardly have sex anymore, maybe once or twice a month. Could be more but it's a lot less than what we used to have and way too little for my taste. We're both in our mid-twenties. In the beginning of our relationship my boyfriend didn't mind having sex at any time a month and now he claims he can't be turned on/doesn't want to have sex while I have my period. That's alright with me, however I'm trying to figure out if this is a genuine change of sexual reference or if it's about him not being so into me as he used to be? I asked him but he wouldn't answer. Our lack of sex is also pressumably due to stress at his work, I don't know if I should cut him some slack or not? This is important to me and I don't like the fact that he lets his job affect our lovelife like that, maybe he can't control it but it frustrates me. This has been going on for four months, that's more than a quarter of our entire relationship. We also don't make out anymore unless I point out the fact that we don't at which point he tries to kiss me more passionately for the rest of the day as to prove me wrong. The very next day we're right back at the peck on the lips kisses, and I like them just not all the time, I miss feeling wanted. He is very affectionate and says that he loves me all the time but has no desire, it seems. I try to bring it up now and then but he blame it on stress or he disagrees with me and just deny that we're having problems at all. It makes no sense to me and it's getting to me. Since he hardly won't admit we're having a problem I don't know what to do, so I turn to you, to ask if anyone of you ever had issues like this and how you got out of them?
jamesum Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Do women EVER want to have sex simply because they want to have sex instead of due to some other insecurity motives such wanting to feel wanted? I have never ever heard a woman complaining about a lack of sex because she is horny. There is always other reasons that have zero to do with sex.
Author Antai Posted September 27, 2010 Author Posted September 27, 2010 really? well I have no insecurity issues, normally, having a dysfunctional love life however is beginning to have some effect on me. When I want to have sex with the man I love it's just because I'm in the mood. It's not like you need a motive to have sex you just need the urge, and I have it and he doesn't. And I don't know why.
jamesum Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 really? well I have no insecurity issues, normally, having a dysfunctional love life however is beginning to have some effect on me. When I want to have sex with the man I love it's just because I'm in the mood. It's not like you need a motive to have sex you just need the urge, and I have it and he doesn't. And I don't know why. So you want sex from him because you are horny or you just feel insecure because he doesnt hound you for sex?
ifyouareok Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 he is too tired, as a GF, you should find some method to make him relax and energetic.
Leigh 87 Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Ignore the first poster - as a women, we have sexual needs too, and once or twice a month dos not cut it for a lot of us. Unless we masturbate, which is not what you want if you are un a relationships with some one you like or love. There is a reg flag for me; that he does not initiate the kissing. Although I do not have experience in long term relationships so perhaps it is normal to not want to " make out" any more. Normal for some, not for others. Aside from not wanting to kill you aside from pecks on the cheek, other things could be as normal as they should be; perhaps guys go through phases where, due to life stressors, they are not as apt to having sex on a whim? It could all even out; after less sex, a man could relieve some of the life stressors, or at least the symptoms of them, and his sex drive will suddenly catch up to him; just like when one starves themselves, they may not be hungry at first, but the hunger will inevitibly catch up to them later and they will binge on food. Lets hope this food analogy is what will happen with your husband, lol! otherwise, he could genuinly be this way, no regardles of which women he is with.
Philetus Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Me and my boyfriend hardly have sex anymore, maybe once or twice a month. Could be more but it's a lot less than what we used to have and way too little for my taste. We're both in our mid-twenties. In the beginning of our relationship my boyfriend didn't mind having sex at any time a month and now he claims he can't be turned on/doesn't want to have sex while I have my period. That's alright with me, however I'm trying to figure out if this is a genuine change of sexual reference or if it's about him not being so into me as he used to be? I asked him but he wouldn't answer. For whatever reason, he's not into you anymore. It could be work but that seems like an excuse. My gf and I are super busy, we don't live together, but we manage to have sex almost every day. Of course, you don't expect the sex you have at the beginning of a relationship to last forever but once or twice a month is, you're right, far too little. The bottom line is you're unhappy with the romantic part of your relationship. You've brought it to his attention at least twice and he either refuses to talk about it or is non-responsive. If you can't find out WHY he's unresponsive and address it, you'll eventually look to get those needs met somewhere else. If I were you, I'd sit him down and tell him clearly that you're unhappy. That this isn't working for you and things cannot continue this way. He can either discuss frankly why he's not interested in sex, go to counseling with you, or risk losing you. IMO, relationships have to fulfill your needs. If they don't you'll either be unhappy or you will stray. You're in your mid-twenties and it may sound cruel but there are other men out there. Good luck.
evoguy Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 i got out of a 3 year relationship about 2 ish months ago, and the entire relationship we might have had sex once a month, towards the end it was every few months,she was just too insecure with sex(i took her virginity) but felt bad on holding out on me, i was fine, i was in love with her and sex altho is a passionate connection with your lover and i didnt have to have it that much. she knew i loved her and her likewise, it depends entirely on your security with him or her, as long as you can tell he still loves you very much and is committed and shows it. and you show it in return, everything should be okay until things calm down with his work, i cant say this is what is your case exactly, but i think it gives some insight.
ReadyforLove Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 He's not attracted to you anymore and he's having sex with someone else.
tincanman99 Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Once or twice a month is not normal for a guy in his 20s. Especially if it was higher in the past. Could be a couple of things: 1. Medication, is he on any like high blood pressure? 2. Gay, maybe he is and is struggling with coming out the closet. 3. Work is killing him but I doubt it. When I was in my 20s work never interfered with me wanting sex. Its a job, thats all. 4. He is having sex with someone else. 5. Porn can be doing it. I am not exaggerating. Does he watch a lot of porn? Porn is known to deaden desire. Over time the person requires more and more escalated stuff. Straight sex does nothing for him. If this is the case he needs to stop looking at it. The only thing I can say for a fact is the peck on the lips thing is usually a sign of him taking for you granted and/or lack of interest. I have a woman friend that is having this problem with her boyfriend. Apparently he feels that since he got her he doesnt need to work it at anymore. He is not affectionate with her and the sex has slowed dramatically. The only reason I know is she has complained to me.
pandagirl Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Are you having any relationship problems other than the sex? Fighting? etc?
waynebrady Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Lol! Men just can't win... If a man doesn't want to have sex every day then the woman will complain about not feeling wanted and so on... yet if the man did want to have sex almost everyday then he would shurely be rejected the majority of the times. Women don't "want" sex. They want the man to want to have sex with them.
jamesum Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Women don't "want" sex. They want the man to want to have sex with them. Sadly that is the truth. Women are inherently narcissistic. They also dont want you to be her boyfriend but they still want you to stick around her. God, what awful human beings.
SecretSquirrel Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Are you making moves on him and he's turning you down, or are you just telling him about how he never makes moves anymore? RE: the period thing, when it was "OK" with him, were you using condoms and maybe now you're not or something like that?
Author Antai Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 Are you making moves on him and he's turning you down, or are you just telling him about how he never makes moves anymore? RE: the period thing, when it was "OK" with him, were you using condoms and maybe now you're not or something like that? I've been making moves on him, but these last weeks not so much, most of the time he just find some excuse like he's tired and such. As for the period thing, we did it both with condom and without, so I know it's messy and I wouldn't mind if he didn't like because it's no big deal but I just thought it was strange how he just turned around and changed his mind like that. Sadly that is the truth. Women are inherently narcissistic. They also dont want you to be her boyfriend but they still want you to stick around her. God, what awful human beings. It might be true for some women but far from all, having sex regularly is an important thing in a healthy relationship for me. Also, yes, I want to have sex with him because I'm horny. I don't want him to want me just so I can not want him. 5. Porn can be doing it. I am not exaggerating. Does he watch a lot of porn? Porn is known to deaden desire. Over time the person requires more and more escalated stuff. Straight sex does nothing for him. If this is the case he needs to stop looking at it. thanks for your input, I think I might be having your list in the back f my mind if I talk with him about it again, I also thought it might be porn but I don't think he watch a lot of that, usually when he's home I'm also home and we got the computer right in the living room so if he were watching a lot of it, I'd probably notice that. He has put on some weight though and I don't know if that has got anything to do with anything... He is being very loving otherwise, cuddling and such, it's been quite some time since we last had a fight. We talk openly about most things, except sex. I would be very surprised if he was cheating on me since he's been cheated on himself in the past(not by me, I would never do that!) and knows how much it hurts. I will give it a rest for a while and wait for his work to calm down and see what happens I guess, maybe I'll also bring it up one last time, just to explain how all of this affect me. Thanks for all of your responses, they really help!
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