Crazy Magnet Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Thanks to my Jerry Springer/Lifetime Movie Network marriage I'm completely freaked out by the thought of marriage again. Well...I'm sort of freaked out. I don't worry that the BF will be anything like my exH, but thinking about the wedding or marriage brings up really bad memories and makes me extremely anxious and insecure. to the exH for that one. This past week the BF and I had a "let's move this forward another step" conversation and my anxiety has indeed gone through the roof. The current plan is to assess available family jewelry for a ring (we have family diamonds on both sides and don't feel comfortable purchasing a new one with all the diamond issues going on in Africa). To ease my anxiety and put a slower time line on this we set a two week time frame for him to call him Mom and ask about the ring. I already know what I've got on my side. After that we'll take a month or so to decide what we want. Then we can take our time shopping, etc. I assume we will get engaged sometime between January and March and set a wedding date for this time next year. In the meantime I signed us up for pre-engagement counseling and our first session. I want to make sure we are coming at this 100% on the same page and really get anything and everything out there prior to popping the question. We communicate really well, but I think couples can always improve. I'm at a loss though. What kinds of things should we talk about? Though it's much improved, all I can think of on my end is his difficulty in setting boundaries with ex's, but that seems to be well under control and there are no outstanding issues there. I've known people to do pre-marital counseling, and I did that myself, but this is pre-pre-marital counseling. Has anyone ever tried this?
alex1960 Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I've never done this but must say it sounds like a good idea. Personally, I'd want to bring up potential issues and how we're going to deal with them. A marriage has many ups and downs, and in the tougher moments it's always handy to have a reference document as guideline to conflict resolution. Not something I would go crazy about but certainly something useful to add to a couple's skillset to deal with the challenges (and rewards) of marriage. Life hurts sometimes but I think we should never be afraid to love and to be loved. That's what life is all about. Sometimes we lose, sometimes we win. But if we don't play we'll never know... Just take it easy and enjoy the moment. It's good to fall in love.
quankanne Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Catholic Church does something called "engaged encounter," which tackles a lot of the same stuff that the marriage encounter that DH and I attended a dozen years ago. Basically you focus on communicating with each other in a positive/healthy manner, and you look at the different areas that people often fight about (money, sex, family and others). You learn how to "fight" fairly, you learn how to communicate effectively. however, the two programs i'm thinking of are more like group-session things, whereas you are talking about one-on-one stuff, I'd say. If this is the case, check with the counselor and see what's covered. no answer is the wrong answer in this kind of counseling, mostly you learn about how to resolve differences and work together to make the relationship stronger. congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, and remember, just when you think you've seen it all and you *know* what your man is gonna do, he'll throw you for a loop and reinforce the whole "sure feeling" you had about him when you started thinking about a permanent thing with him
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