Running a few errands?

[brainygirl]

Okay, so went on a first date with a guy yesterday. We live about 60 miles apart, but met at a central point and then planned to head into the city for dinner and a movie.

 

Well, that was the plan. He called me a day before the date to ask if I minded stopping at a couple of stores while we were in the city. I said sure.

 

I met him, he was paying, I was driving. And he tells me he needs me to run him to his house (west of our destination which was north of where we were) because he was out of checks. So I do, and he spends a long time in his house before coming out and announcing he's out of checks at home and needs run to the ATM, which I do, before heading on to our date.

 

The stores were: a gun dealer and a home made wine supply store. He had this huge case that we took with us, in my back seat, that turned out to contain what looked like a high powered asault rifle. He dropped it off with the guy, and picked up another one. Then he bought a bunch of wine making stuff and basically filled the back of my little SUV with his stuff.

 

Then we went out for japanese steak house stuff (good!) and to a movie (the expendables - Sly Stalone's truck was the best think about that movie).

 

And then home, by mid-night.

 

And while I kinda like him, and had a decent time, I can't get past this feeling that he kinda used the date with me as a ride into the city in a car with air conditioning.

 

So, turning to the always honest folks here, I want your impressions. This an acceptable way to organize a first date?

[bobdole]

Considerate people will put their best into the first date. A guy mooching off you on the first day...? And to boot has you lugging around WMDs...? As Hokie says - Launch!

[brainygirl]

Considerate people will put their best into the first date. A guy mooching off you on the first day...? And to boot has you lugging around WMDs...? As Hokie says - Launch!

 

This is the midwest, people like their guns, I was actually MORE bothered by the fact that he seemed to have had a weapon built, and then paid some other bozo to paint in green and beige camo, which messed with the function of the gun because of the added paint, than the actual guns themselves.

 

One shouldn't mess up a nice peice of equipment for vanity's sake.

[bobdole]

I'm from AL and we like our guns too. I have quite the arsenal. But I sure as hell am not going to introduce my date to that on the first meet. Unless he made sure this was ok with you prior to the start of the date, then that isn't acceptable imo

[brainygirl]

I'm from AL and we like our guns too. I have quite the arsenal. But I sure as hell am not going to introduce my date to that on the first meet. Unless he made sure this was ok with you prior to the start of the date, then that isn't acceptable imo

 

I think it was an attempt to shock/impress/gauge my reaction as much as anything else.

 

But yeah, I know a legal dealer who works out of his house from a shady deal and while I am not a gun enthusiast, I'm not an anti-gun type either.

[jamesum]

I have to say thats such a weird first date.

[dispatch3d]

this is so awesome.

[brainygirl]

this is so awesome.

 

how so? . . . .

[BobSacamento]

As a Yankee I also find this hilarious.

[Art_Critic]

I think it was an attempt to shock/impress/gauge my reaction as much as anything else.

 

That's kind of what I thought...

 

Either way though he failed... what he missed was that he was also being gauged as well....

[Art_Critic]

The driving to his house to get checks that don't exist and then having to go to the ATM was nothing more than to see if you got pissed off if he took advantage of you.. and that was what he was doing..

 

Of all the things to not have ready for a date.. the way to pay for it all...

[brainygirl]

The driving to his house to get checks that don't exist and then having to go to the ATM was nothing more than to see if you got pissed off if he took advantage of you.. and that was what he was doing..

 

Of all the things to not have ready for a date.. the way to pay for it all...

 

So am I awful that at that point it was an evening in the city and I'd already made babysitting arragements even if I was less than impressed at that point and went on with the date?

[elaina]

I'm from AL and we like our guns too. I have quite the arsenal. But I sure as hell am not going to introduce my date to that on the first meet.

 

Totally agreed! Yikes!

 

Does he have his own vehicle? Most guys from the Midwest at least have a pickup truck or motorcycle!

 

My friends who are guys have guns too (and some of my girl friends do too, including my sis) but to do what he did is really weird.

 

To me, it does seem like he was taking advantage of the time and meeting place to get done what he wanted to do. Maybe that is "frugal" and "practical" in his mind, but it sure isn't romantic and I would personally worry if he doesn't have his own transportation, being from the Midwest. In a place like NYC or a big city (possibly maybe even Kansas City... but am not sure about that: the guys I know from Kansas City all have their own vehicles...) it's ok not to own a vehicle, but in the Midwest, at least where I'm living now, it's like a part of being a man, to have a car (preferably a rugged pickup truck to pull a boat or jetskis or dirtbike or horse trailer with, or a motorcycle. I would be worried if he sees you as a chauffeur or what's up with that.

 

Personally, I would hold him at friend level until I see more what he's about and make sure he's not a moocher, but can and does take care of himself. Taking care of himself and being able to provide for others is a big requirement I personally have in a man. (And I expect myself to be able to provide for my needs too, and not just depend on a man for financial help or mode of transportation.)

Edited September 27, 2010 by elaina

[carhill]

Guns and homebrew notwithstanding, 'having a decent time' and 'kinda liking him' are probably insufficient motivation to arrange your life as a single mother to conduct a relatively LD dating scenario with this man.

 

If you think his using your SUV as a transport vehicle impacted your impression, and wish to give him the benefit of the doubt, perhaps accept one more date where the focus is upon the two of you and see how it goes. That's as far as I would take it. If he lugs along more equipment or wants to pick up the gun, politely decline, whether prior or during. He'll need to date a different kind of woman for that

[Art_Critic]

So am I awful that at that point it was an evening in the city and I'd already made babysitting arragements even if I was less than impressed at that point and went on with the date?

 

No you are not awful.. I would have been WTF and jumped all in myself...

What are you to do at that point but go forward and try to have fun on the evening out ?

[Art_Critic]

If you go out again I think you should flip it on him..

Take him grocery and clothes shopping for your kids first...

Only have him drive you to your ex's first to pick up one of the kids first

 

Totally kidding ..

[brainygirl]

If you go out again I think you should flip it on him..

Take him grocery and clothes shopping for your kids first...

Only have him drive you to your ex's first to pick up one of the kids first

 

Totally kidding ..

 

Hadn't looked at it that way . . . . kinda sheds a light.

[redmelon]

I would definitely NOT be okay with someone putting an assault rifle in my car, I don't care where he is from, that is not a regular daily errand. He sounds ignorant and arrogant.

[CLC2008]

Okay, so went on a first date with a guy yesterday. We live about 60 miles apart, but met at a central point and then planned to head into the city for dinner and a movie.

 

Well, that was the plan. He called me a day before the date to ask if I minded stopping at a couple of stores while we were in the city. I said sure.

 

I met him, he was paying, I was driving. And he tells me he needs me to run him to his house (west of our destination which was north of where we were) because he was out of checks. So I do, and he spends a long time in his house before coming out and announcing he's out of checks at home and needs run to the ATM, which I do, before heading on to our date.

The stores were: a gun dealer and a home made wine supply store. He had this huge case that we took with us, in my back seat, that turned out to contain what looked like a high powered asault rifle. He dropped it off with the guy, and picked up another one. Then he bought a bunch of wine making stuff and basically filled the back of my little SUV with his stuff.

 

Then we went out for japanese steak house stuff (good!) and to a movie (the expendables - Sly Stalone's truck was the best think about that movie).

 

And then home, by mid-night.

 

And while I kinda like him, and had a decent time, I can't get past this feeling that he kinda used the date with me as a ride into the city in a car with air conditioning.

 

So, turning to the always honest folks here, I want your impressions. This an acceptable way to organize a first date?

 

Heck no!

 

Forget about the errands issue, do you not find the part in bold creepy?!?

[brainygirl]

Heck no!

 

Forget about the errands issue, do you not find the part in bold creepy?!?

 

I don't like the idea that he used the occasion and trip of a date to also conduct the business, but some people spend their money on restoring old cars or buying up the latest technology, and some people spend their money on guns and shooting. Its not really my thing, but then neither is restoring cars.

[redmelon]

yea, but stopping to pick up an assault weapon is a bit different than stopping for some tire shine! yes, your examples are both potential hobbies, but the details are not comparable.

 

I live in a more rural area where deer hunting is quite prevalent, and I still would not take kindly to someone involving me in this when it's supposed to be an enjoyable date, not Die Hard.

[welikeincrowds]

God, I laughed. I was definitely not expecting a high powered assault rifle. And wine making equipment. Who the **** is this guy?!?

 

Anyway, I'm not impressed that he was not prepared. What kind of man doesn't have his affairs in order? For the first date, no less? After you dragged your ass an hour away to see him? Launch this embarrassment.

[johan]

You met up with the guy for a date. A date is just for evaluation, during which you can decide whether to keep seeing him for more evaluations. All of which leads to the ultimate decision whether to marry him. And that of course leads to divorce, at which time you'll probably end up getting the rifle. The best he can hope for is several years during which you'll allow him to use it occasionally.

 

The way I see it, it's the least you could do: drive him around to pick up your brand new rifle.

[Stung]

I have to say thats such a weird first date.

 

 

Agreed. And while I live in an 'anti-gun type' area, I was raised around guns and I do know how to use them. Going to the shooting range is a good time, but dragging along major weaponry on a first date? It would raise my eyebrows, it's definitely pushing boundaries for a first date--even for a gun-loving area, I would think. Granted as I said where I live the only people who carry guns around outside (other than the police) are gangsters and psychos, so if I saw a guy I didn't know very well approaching my car with a giant assault weapon, I'd floor it and keep driving . So much for that date!

 

The wine thing almost completely swings it the other way, IMO, because I have taken wine tasting classes and my husband and I are planning to try making our own wine together. I read that part and thought, oh, he's cool, that would be eclectic and interesting.

 

Now I'm just so confused.

 

As for the errands thing, I could almost see how running a couple of decidedly interesting/unusual errands could almost be an 'activity date' and could foster intimacy--almost. However, since you feel like he used you for the ride, I'd make a big fat mental note of that gut feeling. Does he not have his own car? And why was he not prepared to pay if he had already pointedly said he was paying?

[Eclypse]

Perhaps he was trying to subtly impress you with the length and girth of his gun