alex1960 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 More arguing, more truths are coming out of my wife's mouth... She still insists she had no clue he was interested, even after such an extravagant meal (which turns out to be a lot more than what I could imagine). I make pretty good money and the only people I would spend this much money for are my family, and perhaps one or two close friends who are like my brothers. Am I over reacting here? Because I'm really about to lose it.
Star Gazer Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 What did they do exactly to rack up such a bill? THAT's more important than how much it cost, IMO.
Author alex1960 Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 They stayed there forever and had good food and fine bottles of wine. One of my friends was monitoring the situation and nothing wrong happened. I rather wonder how my wife can be surprised that the guy could be interested in more. Come on...
sanskrit Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 $800, wow that's a ton of booze, or a moderate amount of very expensive wine. It's almost impossible for two people to spend more than $100 apiece on food, almost no restaurants could stay open charging more, so it's a fair assumption $600 was wine/booze. Not that that proves anything, her demeanor is what is telling. She is gaslighting both her work colleagues and you it seems. What would she say if you traveled to spent $800 on dinner with a work colleague?
Star Gazer Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I've been to restaurants where the tab came to over $600 for two, without even a lot of wine. I didn't even know how much it all was, because the menu didn't show prices and the wine was selected by the sommelier. If the guy is loaded and regularly goes out to dinners like that, with other colleagues and business associates in particular (and even more so if he expenses it), I can see how she might not think it meant anything.
Author alex1960 Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 I've been to restaurants where the tab came to over $600 for two, without even a lot of wine. I didn't even know how much it all was, because the menu didn't show prices and the wine was selected by the sommelier. If the guy is loaded and regularly goes out to dinners like that, with other colleagues and business associates in particular (and even more so if he expenses it), I can see how she might not think it meant anything. They went as friends and couldn't expense the meal. And if he makes what my wife makes, he's doing ok but there's no chance he can spend that on a meal every week.
porter218 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Well.. I haven't been following your whole story here but it sounds like your wife is going out on dates...?? Is this something allowed in your M? Just seems strange that she is having an expensive dinner alone with another man. Why is she doing this?
Knittress Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Not that it's appropriate, but I could see how she could still be a decent person and burying her head in the sand about all this. She likes the guy, enjoys the attention, and doesn't want to admit to herself that its something more because then she'd have to feel guilty and/or put a stop to things. She's probably not gaslighting anyone more than she is herself at this point. But this is obviously straining your marriage. I'm not sure that venting on the internet is going to help you much - you can't make any evaluation about the character or sanity of the people that are giving you advice, and what's worse, you're likely to attract negative people who'll fan the fire of your vulnerable emotions. Perhaps you ought to seek out a trained, impartial marriage counselor instead.
Cracker Jack Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 She's probably just being oblivious at this point.
Author alex1960 Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 Not that it's appropriate, but I could see how she could still be a decent person and burying her head in the sand about all this. She likes the guy, enjoys the attention, and doesn't want to admit to herself that its something more because then she'd have to feel guilty and/or put a stop to things. She's probably not gaslighting anyone more than she is herself at this point. But this is obviously straining your marriage. I'm not sure that venting on the internet is going to help you much - you can't make any evaluation about the character or sanity of the people that are giving you advice, and what's worse, you're likely to attract negative people who'll fan the fire of your vulnerable emotions. Perhaps you ought to seek out a trained, impartial marriage counselor instead. Thank you for your sound advice. I have been seeing the counsellor at my workplace and people's opinions are all over the place. Of course, I take posts that suggest I should get a divorce over some suspicions with a grain of salt. I'm not even considering divorce at this point but I'm doing my best to understand what happened, what were her reasons for having dinner with him. I guess I'll never have the real answer and that's what's killing me. If I want life to carry on I may have to forget about this.
Angel1111 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 It's typical for a man to get hung up on the cost of the dinner when the real issue is the fact that she went alone to dinner with another man, stayed a long time and had drinks. Your wife seems to be oblivious to the fact that what she did would be offensive to you and would raise your suspicions. She also seems to be clueless as to how this would make you feel. If you haven't already, then the two of you need to talk. She needs to ask herself how she'd feel if you went to dinner and stayed several hours at a restaurant, ate and had drinks alone with another woman. If she says that she wouldn't care, either she's full of baloney, or she doesn't care about you. If she doesn't acknowledge that she did something that's offensive to you, then that's really where your problem lies. I doubt that she did anything with this guy, and continually second-guessing that is just an exercise in futility. The real problem is that your wife did somethat that raised your suspicions and seems to not care about that. Anyone who values their marriage wouldn't do this.
alexlakeman Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Op follow my advice on d last thread. U r being played. Did u eat her out when she got back? Did she smell like co.ck? LoL I bet her and her BF are laughing at how they've played u and u r wasting ur time online vs hiring a P.I., etc? LoL That's a nice woman to target. Those are the ones I run into on muy business trips all the time, boy do we party and den it's a company expense lol.
AverageJoe Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 This cant be a real guy saying this same stuff again. Meeoooww! Hey Alex, I know we dont know each other all that well. Do you mind if I take our wife out?
aerogurl87 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 $800 on dinner?!?!? If she didn't think that was a date something must be wrong with her. Unless this guy is a freaking millionaire and usually only they do such things for women they're interested in and trying to impress, then the red flags should've went off in her head.
FryFish Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Your wife is very likely cheating on you...Tell her you arent cool with it and if she cant stop ALL non work contact with this guy then you two are over. She either will or she wont but you wont have to keep going crazy.
Citizen Erased Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I don't go to dinner alone with men that aren't my fiancé. She could be the stupidest woman on the planet and still know it was inappropriate, and that's not even including how much it cost.
AverageJoe Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 She could be the stupidest woman on the planet and still know it was inappropriate, and that's not even including how much it cost. Actually, she thinks he is the dumb one. And so far, she is right.
sanskrit Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I'm not sure that venting on the internet is going to help you much - you can't make any evaluation about the character or sanity of the people that are giving you advice, and what's worse, you're likely to attract negative people who'll fan the fire of your vulnerable emotions. Perhaps you ought to seek out a trained, impartial marriage counselor instead. Sure... or he could, you know, go with the more likely occam's razor conclusion staring him in the face. How about sparing the insults to other posters in the thread and on the forum generally? Everyone is aware of the limitations of internet forums.
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