9Lives Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I'm meeting some really nice guys that I like and respect but I don't want to be their woman. I really want to be friends. today this guys is making me brunch and momosa and I want to tell him that I just want to be friends. how do you guys handle these type of situations where u really like the person but u don't want to be their girlfriend or boyfriend. I'm listening!
USMCHokie Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Are these guys asking you out on dates or otherwise making their romantic intentions known...? If so, the easiest and best way is to just say, "I just want to be friends..." If they are ok with being friends, then all is fine and dandy, but you also have to be prepared to not have them in your life at all if they can't accept being just friends... But if they aren't making any romantic "moves," then don't be so presumptuous to say that you just want to be friends...I wouldn't say anything at all in that case...
sanskrit Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Don't accept "date-like" attention such as mimosas and brunch from men whom you aren't already friends with if you aren't interested in dating them. Don't tell someone who expresses romantic interest in you that you just want to be friends. It doesn't work. Just tell them you aren't interested in dating them and move on.
Author 9Lives Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 Are these guys asking you out on dates or otherwise making their romantic intentions known...? If so, the easiest and best way is to just say, "I just want to be friends..." If they are ok with being friends, then all is fine and dandy, but you also have to be prepared to not have them in your life at all if they can't accept being just friends... But if they aren't making any romantic "moves," then don't be so presumptuous to say that you just want to be friends...I wouldn't say anything at all in that case... yes, the reason I'm asking is because they are interested and I'm really not. but they are cool peeps..so I'm gonna give this approach a try
tami-chan Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Do you ACTUALLY want to be friends with him? If yes, then you just say so...up to him to take you up on the limitations of your offer.
Author 9Lives Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 Do you ACTUALLY want to be friends with him? If yes, then you just say so...up to him to take you up on the limitations of your offer. I REALLY like him as a friend! I think he is mad cool but I'm not attracted to him.
tami-chan Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I REALLY like him as a friend! I think he is mad cool but I'm not attracted to him. Then tell him so....you can't control his reaction or response to that. If he does not want to be friends with you, that is totally his choice and you can't use that against him.
Fire Salamander Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Just use him for emotional support, food, attention, etc... These little boys need to learn to grow some balls and either make a move or move on. Now of course I believe in the allegory of the cave. I was once trapped inside, hopefully they'll figure it out sooner or later. Still, if they can't make the realization that spending time with you isn't going to get them what they want... Well, they deserve to be in that position.
BobSacamento Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I would say the first step of being a good friend would be not allowing him make you brunch under the false pretenses that you might actually be interested in him.
Author 9Lives Posted September 27, 2010 Author Posted September 27, 2010 I would say the first step of being a good friend would be not allowing him make you brunch under the false pretenses that you might actually be interested in him. Im not volating him by taking him up on his offer for brunch. Anyway, I told him while at his home that I wasnt interested in a relationship. He was a little sad but he is okay. We watch the games. He made me momosa with fresh strawberries. And when it came time to eat, he turned off the tv and put on some nice music. He cooked chicken parmasean, noodles, and vegs. and for a desert he had warm cinammon buns with ice cream on top. Very nice
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Women need to understand that men like the one described won't consent (or want) to be "friends" unless they perceive themselves to be standing in line for your romantic affections, as if, at a bakery, and with a number in hand. (it's a different story with coworkers where everybody has a life and the workplace rules, laws, and guidelines create some friendship situations)
Left in a Lurch Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Well even if he says he wants to be friends, he can't just turn it off on his end because you're not interested. Whenever you are with him he will just feel bad no matter how much he hides it. It will be torture for him when you find someone else and show up somewhere with that guy or talk about your boyfriend with him. Every time you smile at him he will be secretly thinking you are finally coming around. Everytime you cry on his shoulder he will think you have something special that will grow. Not sure I could put a 'friend' in that position myself.
johan Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Don't be friends with guys who are interested in you. It's better if you keep the number of guy friends in your life to a minimum.
Yamaha Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I'm not attracted to him. The only ay you can be "just friends" is if he feels the same way about YOU. From what I read he is attracted so the friendship is bound to fail (even if it goes on for a time).
atlnay Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Im not volating him by taking him up on his offer for brunch. Anyway, I told him while at his home that I wasnt interested in a relationship. He was a little sad but he is okay. We watch the games. He made me momosa with fresh strawberries. And when it came time to eat, he turned off the tv and put on some nice music. He cooked chicken parmasean, noodles, and vegs. and for a desert he had warm cinammon buns with ice cream on top. Very nice lol, he's not your friend! What he is doing is biding his time. Delaying being aggressive. He realizes you probably aren't physically attracted to him, so he'll be the nice guy until you get comfortable. And one evening, amid the warm glow of candlelight dinner, you'll cock your head to the side and suddenly see him in a different light. He's smoooooth...lol... Unless you are totally repulsed by him, OP, like you can't EVER EVER see yourself kissing him. Leave him alone. It'll get awkward soon.
Hopeful30 Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 "I just want to be friends." "Im not looking for a relationship right now." "I'm not interested romantically."
gypsy_nicky Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I'm meeting some really nice guys that I like and respect but I don't want to be their woman. I really want to be friends. today this guys is making me brunch and momosa and I want to tell him that I just want to be friends. how do you guys handle these type of situations where u really like the person but u don't want to be their girlfriend or boyfriend. I'm listening! Your suppose to know these yeah, your a girl??? Drop hints suggesting you don't date friends ('I don't see myself dating anyone right now',). Or if they still don't get it, a flat out rejection will do it. Being friends with guys interested in you is awkward and difficult to maintain. And they will always want to be with you.... your saying now that you really like this guy because he's chill and all, wait till he gets a taste of mixed signals from you and only then will you realize how nasty a guy can be. All those things he's doing for you right now, he will turn it around and accuse you of using him.
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