Dante311 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 So this past week I was in Miami for a conference... tons of fun... but also kind of depressing. 1) I'm only a grad student... so I was not as careful with my spending as I should've been.... but then the main point ... 2) How do you know if you're attractive or not? I used to be in TIP top shape... but upon entry into graduate school my commitment to exercise has been limited - not by choice, but rather, a time issue. A lot of work to be done. Work I thoroughly enjoy doing, but being addicted to exercise is tough... and life can get depressing for me at times due to my termination to exercise. (see James Prochaska's trans-theoretical model for more info) ...well first day in Miami @ the Eden Roc resort hotel (where the conference was held) some really hot milf caught me off guard as I was dialing to make a phone call, "You calling me hun, because I am definitely calling you!" Totally threw me off by surprise and my response was inane. LOL This continued as I saw her throughout the week and it was nice. Cute to say the least, but I did not pursue her. Last night... I was set up to meet this hot woman my age by a friend who told me she thought we'd definitely hit it off. Nope. Moment this chick saw me... she did not feel it. She didn't even think I was cute... but she was all over this short guido at the club... go figure. I am skeptical at posting a picture, but will do it anyways. NOTE: Do not rate me. Do not compliment me. That's not what I seek from this thread. I am wondering aside from inner confidence... how do you know if you're physically attractive or not? I typically don't have a problem with women... getting them.. talking to them... I have 2 girls who want me right now (not to be conceited) and it's flattering - one of them i'm dating. This incident last night in Miami however.. kind of rocked my confidence in my physical appearance. I kind of just found a table and chilled while she was on the dance floor... I wasn't going to chase a tail that didn't even think I was cute. Yeah... whoopie.. I'm a good guy with morals who is smart... that isn't going to win her over on the dance floor. I'm not going to tolerate further rejection from her so I just let her go. Is that the WRONG attitude?... because I believe it is.. but I'm just not sure why. Personally, I feel as if my face is min a 6.5 and max a 7... out of 10. my body... definitely an 8 or 9 (and I'm 6'-6'1" (depending on the day))... but that's not why I want a woman to be with me... but last night made me rethink this whole concept of confidence and self perception of attractiveness or not. I did not attempt to make a move on ANY woman in the club. Yes, this is a shallow, arrogant, conceited, self-absorbed thread. My apologies if it offends you.
spiderowl Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 (edited) It's a good question and I wish I knew. Guys come up to talk to me all the time, more or less wherever I go, but can I find the right one to date and love me? No. I'm just not attracted to most of the the ones who are attracted to me and I don't even know why they are anyway. The whole thing is a total mystery to me. I've even turned down guys I've found very attractive because I couldn't believe they would be interested in anything genuine with me. They come and talk to me, seemingly want to spend time with me - does that mean they are attracted or just like my personality? am I just a good listener? Do they think I'm unattractive and therefore approach me because they believe they are in with a good chance for sex as such an unattractive woman would be desperate for male attention? As you can see, it's hard to make sense of it from the inside. When you find out, please let me know. P.S. I think for a guy that if women flirt with you and are happy to touch you and invite you to spend intimate time with you, they either feel very comfortable with you or are attracted. Women are generally pretty remote from guys they are not at all interested in. Edited September 26, 2010 by spiderowl
Author Dante311 Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 It's a good question and I wish I knew. Guys come up to talk to me all the time, more or less wherever I go, but can I find the right one to date and love me? No. I'm just not attracted to most of the the ones who are attracted to me and I don't even know why they are anyway. The whole thing is a total mystery to me. I've even turned down guys I've found very attractive because I couldn't believe they would be interested in anything genuine with me. The come and talk to me, want to spend time with me - does that mean they are attracted or just like my personality? Do they think I'm pretty unattractive and therefore that they might as well approach as I would be desperate for male attention and jump at the chance of sex? As you can see, it's hard to make sense of it from the inside. When you find out, please let me know. P.S. I think for a guy that if women flirt with you and are happy to touch you and invite you to spend intimate time with you, they either feel very comfortable with you or are attracted. Women are generally pretty remote from guys they are not at all interested in. Heh... I still don't know the difference. ----------------------- This is my pic.. thought I'd post it. Please see above about NOT commenting on it. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v56/Lord_Dante/48903_9112345_1917_n.jpg (it won't let me attach images)
sanskrit Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Is it possible the woman who wasn't into you may have actually thought you attractive, but didn't want to show it and see how you would handle it? People play all kinds of slap and tickle games in clubs which is why I ask. Wouldn't let the experience shake you.
eerie_reverie Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Why are you posting a pic and then telling us not to comment....?
Star Gazer Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Why are you posting a pic and then telling us not to comment....? I know. I'm confused. Okay, no comment.
stepka Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Well I'm 51 and still trying to figure that out. Some weeks no one will flirt with me at all and other weeks they're all out there winking away. Sometimes really good looking men will flirt with me and uglier guys won't; young handsome men will and men my age won't, and it has no rhyme or reason, but there is one thing I do know and that is that it's not always about looks. Many people are attracted to a physical type and some like the short stocky bald men and tall blonde men leave them cold. I'm sure glad that it's that way b/c maybe there will be someone for everyone. Personality has a lot to do with it--I know a man that I would dearly love to date but he lives too far away and is with someone anyway--he's not anyone's idea of handsome and he's only 5'6" and very overweight, but he is quite the alpha male and has a heart of gold and that right there is what I find attractive. I also like it that he isn't concerned about his looks beyond making sure that he is well groomed. When I was younger I thought that I wasn't attractive at all b/c men weren't falling all over me like they were some of my friends, but most of my friends were more outgoing too, looking back at pix I can see now that I was quite pretty. And, I don't know--I didn't even see your pic b/c if it's on your profile I couldn't find it, but it doesn't really matter anyway--I just don't think we're meant to know how attractive we are. Think about all the famous beautiful people. Are all of them attractive to you? Probably not.
USMCHokie Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 yeah ur attractive op. There, I told you, bro (OP). Stop being silly.
naya1 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 maybe you can upload a more close up picture with various poses too so we can see, i think i'd rate u around 8.5 or something cause this picture is kinda vague, although i think you have a nice built and the haircut is nice.
witabix Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 How handsome is he? http://i1198.photobucket.com/albums/aa459/witabix/cuteGuy.jpg
that girl Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 It sounds like you need every woman to be interested in you. Since you asked, you photo doesn't do it for me but if you were a good guy and I was setting you up, I'd describe you as cute.
Knittress Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 (edited) How handsome is he? http://i1198.photobucket.com/albums/aa459/witabix/cuteGuy.jpg Gorgeous eyes, open playful expression. ...or maybe he just has to poop. I can't tell sometimes. To answer the question. I think I might be fairly attractive since bums and gay men comment on it all the time. Maybe hang around bus shelters and see if anything comes of it? Hee hee. Edited September 26, 2010 by Knittress
witabix Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Gorgeous eyes, open playful expression. ...or maybe he just has to poop. I can't tell sometimes. Ha! Thats not his poop face, thats his 'I am cheeky as a chipmunk face', he looks like my dad in that pic. Sorry about threadjack Dante, won't do it again.... BTW I am a guy and you look pretty handsome to me. No homo.
kpax Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 You look kinda like the singer Eminem in that picture. Possibly better looking, can't tell as pic isn't close up. Considering a lot of women think he is attractive, I don't think you have anything to worry about.
runner Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 i think you just need to come to realise that you will do it for some, and not for others. the rest in your head is just noise.
ascendotum Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 OP - I find it strange that you seem to be having mini crises of confidence, over a failed blind date. I know with myself and my mates, blind dates have a pretty low success rate...and we dont get set up with women we would describe as 'hot' like you. If I had female friend set me up with a hot woman, that alone would make me feel good that she rated me a chance with the hot woman I can understand why you would be peeved that she flirts with a guy who you class as less attractive than you, but unless you are missing out on getting women or you experience this often, I would write it off that this women has a thing for Mediterranean men. You work out and rate your physique your strong point, over 6ft and given your mug shot, I dont see why you would not have a pretty good track record with meeting sexy women as you indicate yourself. I doubt very much that just because you have backed off on the gym work that you have slid back to the less then desirable category in the attractiveness rankings. I assume most people have a pretty good idea of their standing in the looks dept. by the time they hit 20. Your post does come of a little conceited + self-absorbed as you said, but at least you realize it If your confidence was rocked over this incident then how do you think some of the guys on LS who go years between girlfriends or even dates feel, or why the serenitynow guy who has contacted over 100 women for 0 dates gets upset.
shadowplay Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 (edited) since you posted your pic and asked us, i'll be honest. you're cute, but not 'excessively' so, like a 6 or 7. not at all my type -- you have more of an ethnic look than I generally dig. can't see your body, but it sounds like you have a really nice one, so i imagine a lot of girls find you hot. you have nothing to worry about; believe me. Edited September 26, 2010 by shadowplay
gypsy_nicky Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 (edited) 2) How do you know if you're attractive or not? by the consensus of votes the women you meet (and dont meet) give you, in terms of your physical appearance. They will usually come to an agreement as to where you stand in the looks dept. This is difficult since asking a woman flat out this question wont give you the answer. Judging from your post, I would guess your moderately attractive (6-7.5) from the hits and misses your getting. The negative to this is that not every women will find you attractive and you cannot pull them in terms of your looks alone. Only the extremely attractive are successful with this (This is why people say really hot people don't really need to work or have no personality when it comes to dating.) Edited September 26, 2010 by gypsy_nicky
Author Dante311 Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 ummmmm well i'm @ a loss for words
PJKino Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I dont know but in my 30 years ive neer been hit or not told i was attractive so i know im ugly
Star Gazer Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 How do you know if you're attractive or not? Typically, I just look in the mirror.
Oxo Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Thats a really good question. I'm trying to think of a way to phrase this without sounding weird or up myself haha I think I am attractive. I have been rejected by a few men based on the way I look. However, I have had also had a few people tell me I am attractive so it kinda balances out. I think attractiveness is partly an external thing (i.e. other people telling you/showing you that you are) but I think it also comes down to how you see yourself. If you don't think you're hot, noone else will. I hope that makes sense
MrNate Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Dante, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks but you man. You're an okay guy. And there's a woman out there that will appreciate you. no homo.
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