OkCupid vs. POF - Round two!

[SilentVoice]

FIGHT!!

 

Ok ignore my bad joke.

 

To the point, I am a member of both sites. Only joined POF about two days ago.

I have had some luck with OkCupid.Lead to a couple of great dates . But the problem I have a with OkC is that I received about an average of 55 views every two days. But I receive no messages at all any more. I really don't understand it .I have numerous guys who add me to their favorites and view my page everyday , but no message.

 

Where as with POF I receive a good amount of messages but all are one liners. "Hello" or "no plans 2 nyt" for example.

 

I don't know, am I asking for to much?

 

How females reply to one liner messages?

How do I go by writing guys?(since waiting around isn't helping)

 

K.O

[Confusedalways]

I don't reply to one liner messages unless I'm REALLY intrigued by their profile-- which so far is none.

 

Every guy I've messaged first has ALWAYS messaged me back. I find I spend a lot of time thinking what to write, but really it doesn't matter. Men like to be messaged first, it's refreshing for them. Usually, mine are quick but have a lot more thought to them than most people would think.

[Cee]

I don't reply to one liner messages unless I'm REALLY intrigued by their profile-- which so far is none.

 

Every guy I've messaged first has ALWAYS messaged me back. I find I spend a lot of time thinking what to write, but really it doesn't matter. Men like to be messaged first, it's refreshing for them. Usually, mine are quick but have a lot more thought to them than most people would think.

 

I totally agree with this. I don't have a 100% first message response rate, but it hovers at maybe 75%. I consider that an excellent return. And those message returns almost always become dates. Only once has a guy wrote a rejection reply, which felt uncomfortable, but at least he was up front. My messages tend to be short (3 sentences) and have some humor & reference to his profile in them.

 

And I agree that what you write doesn't matter, as long as it's not "HEYA!!! I Th1nk UR M3GA HAWWWWWWWWWTTT. Right m3 bak"

[xpaperxcutx]

I never reply to one liners.

 

First of all, they're " unattractive". It's never appealing to read something like " What's up, babe?"

 

Second, one liners imply the guy never put an effort into writing a message and resorted to something simple as hi, what's up just to illicit a response. That shows me he hasn't bothered to read my profile to at least write something witty and interesting.

[SilentVoice]

Thanks for the replies ladies.

 

I think I will try to write some guys on OKC . I don't know I am not to keen of rejection, well no one is.Then again guys deal with all the time , I know I shouldn't take it personal.

 

I am like 5 seconds away from deleting the POF profile; since 20 message in two nights and all are one liners. Only one that isn't a one liner is from a guy I have been ignoring on OKC. I don't know it just seems more like a hook up site. I don't know why these guys think it is ok to write me " You want to hang out " before asking for something as trivial as my name. I know my expectations aren't high and I am not being unreasonable.

 

Anyway thanks for the replies again. I will have to do better and write for what I want lol.

Edited September 26, 2010 by SilentVoice

[stepka]

OKC is ok, but it's fairly small so you keep running into the same small pool of people. I don't know why it's not bigger, since it's free and I like the format of the site. I think if I was going to supplement it though, I'd use a paid site instead, or try to meet people directly, thru meetup.com. Also, I don't know how old you are, but I've found that women over 40 often get passed by on the dating sites or else we're getting hit on by all the young guys, which is flattering but not what I want right now.

[Mattock5656]

Thanks for the replies ladies.

 

I think I will try to write some guys on OKC . I don't know I am not to keen of rejection, well no one is.Then again guys deal with all the time , I know I shouldn't take it personal.

 

I am like 5 seconds away from deleting the POF profile; since 20 message in two nights and all are one liners. Only one that isn't a one liner is from a guy I have been ignoring on OKC. I don't know it just seems more like a hook up site. I don't know why these guys think it is ok to write me " You want to hang out " before asking for something as trivial as my name. I know my expectations aren't high and I am not being unreasonable.

 

Anyway thanks for the replies again. I will have to do better and write for what I want lol.

 

I see what you mean, that it sucks for guys to write you one liners and such. Honestly, they are the guys that screw it up for the rest of the guys that are actually interested in getting to know the person. Although, you guys have to see it from our side, that like you said we get rejected much more often and I have written really intriguing messages and get no reply or they usually give me a one sentence/fragment response. My experience though, I have meet with one girl as a real date, but everyone else they will chat with me for awhile and then the second I ask if they would to go out, they drop a smoke grenade and disappear into the forest lol.

 

Honestly, while a lot of guys on sites are idiots, I'm starting to feel its not worth the effort to write a nice paragraph or a masterpiece paper. (exaggerating but you know what I mean.) I just write Hey, ask a question about the profile and go from there. As much as I think men are at a disadvantage at online dating, I see what woman have to put up with and its quite sad, many woman probably missed decent guy because their message box was filled up with idiots.

[SilentVoice]

OKC is ok, but it's fairly small so you keep running into the same small pool of people. I don't know why it's not bigger, since it's free and I like the format of the site. I think if I was going to supplement it though, I'd use a paid site instead, or try to meet people directly, thru meetup.com. Also, I don't know how old you are,.

I plan to try meet up , but most of the groups are not for my age group. I just turned 20. More on the dating site since I just moved to a new area and don't know any one besides my family in the area.

 

Although, you guys have to see it from our side, that like you said we get rejected much more often and I have written really intriguing messages and get no reply or they usually give me a one sentence/fragment response. My experience though, I have meet with one girl as a real date, but everyone else they will chat with me for awhile and then the second I ask if they would to go out, they drop a smoke grenade and disappear into the forest lol.

 

Honestly, while a lot of guys on sites are idiots, I'm starting to feel its not worth the effort to write a nice paragraph or a masterpiece paper. (exaggerating but you know what I mean.) I just write Hey, ask a question about the profile and go from there. As much as I think men are at a disadvantage at online dating, I see what woman have to put up with and its quite sad, many woman probably missed decent guy because their message box was filled up with idiots.

 

Seriously I don't want a guy to have to write me a full length essay. The one date I got from the site , the message was only two sentences long , but you could tell he actually did read my profile and used something as an easy opener.

 

I understand that online dating for men is a game, not technically, but to be any type of successful I understand guys have to send tons of message and most will be generic. But at least be creative lol

[SilentVoice]

I have a quick question-- and really don't want to start a new thread.

 

Recieved a like on OKC from a guy say ,three weeks ago.

He decided to message me this week and me ended up talking on OKC i.m.So I gave him my number . And he told me he will text me tonight -- after asking me if it was ok. So I said sure

 

Anyway I long forgot about him. So I recieve a text tonight and it is from him( I know because he is new to the area as well and the area code matches where he said he was from).

 

So do I write him back?

 

Please don't tell me to make him wait or anything . I don't want to play games. He has no other way of contacting since I deleted that OKC profile and started a new one.

[Mattock5656]

I plan to try meet up , but most of the groups are not for my age group. I just turned 20. More on the dating site since I just moved to a new area and don't know any one besides my family in the area.

 

 

 

Seriously I don't want a guy to have to write me a full length essay. The one date I got from the site , the message was only two sentences long , but you could tell he actually did read my profile and used something as an easy opener.

 

I understand that online dating for men is a game, not technically, but to be any type of successful I understand guys have to send tons of message and most will be generic. But at least be creative lol

 

Haha, I know right...Heres an example from what I sent. I might suck at writing messages who knows. But at least it shows I read their profile.

 

Me- "I really like Guinness and enjoy trying different brews from all over the world." Guinness is really good, although have you tried any German beer? (Heineken doesn't count lol)

 

Her- yes at the German beer hall in Milwaukee. Although I don't remember what it was.

 

Lol, lame response...

 

Another one...

 

Me-"I collect garden gnomes." Crazy enough, in Germany if you mess with garden gnomes, you get a spell casted on you. =) So, do you have a army of garden gnomes? lol

(Its true about the spell/curse thing, I not trying to be dorky. If you mess with garden gnomes, you get a curse casted on you. lol)

 

Her-I do. They're quite vicious.

 

Another lame response Why respond at all you know?

 

Me-Hey! Greece sounds awesome! I went to Germany and ate Greece food there if that counts=) Have you been to other countries in Europe?

 

Her-No response....

 

You see? All asking questions....Granted I usually get a response, so I'm doing better than most guys.. but you get the point.

[SilentVoice]

Haha, I know right...Here is an example from what I sent. I might suck at writing messages who knows. But at least it shows I read their profile.

.

Haha I feel your pain . I decided to reply to a generic one liner

 

Him -- " any plans for 2nyt? "

 

ME -- " Nothing much , got suckered into babysitting , how about you"

(this message didn't go through since POF sucks and has bad coding)

 

ME(next day) -- I don't if you got my message last night . The site is weird to maneuver. So how are you?"

 

Him -- "No I didn't get it"

 

Come one -- that is all he replied. I don't understand

 

He sent me like 2 other message but I don't really plan to reply

[Mattock5656]

Haha I feel your pain . I decided to reply to a generic one liner

 

Him -- " any plans for 2nyt? "

 

ME -- " Nothing much , got suckered into babysitting , how about you"

(this message didn't go through since POF sucks and has bad coding)

 

ME(next day) -- I don't if you got my message last night . The site is weird to maneuver. So how are you?"

 

Him -- "No I didn't get it"

 

Come one -- that is all he replied. I don't understand

 

 

He sent me like 2 other message but I don't really plan to reply

 

That sucks. I guess women get the same treatment. I think most people don't take it seriously. There either bored, need a ego boost, or all of the above.

[TaurusTerp]

I never reply to one liners.

 

First of all, they're " unattractive". It's never appealing to read something like " What's up, babe?"

 

Second, one liners imply the guy never put an effort into writing a message and resorted to something simple as hi, what's up just to illicit a response. That shows me he hasn't bothered to read my profile to at least write something witty and interesting.

 

From the other perspective: It's wasted effort to write a long essay to every girl you're interested in, as you get a 5-10% response rate at best. Might as well test the waters - you get a response indicating interest, then you write more.

[ascendotum]

I see what you mean, that it sucks for guys to write you one liners and such. Honestly, they are the guys that screw it up for the rest of the guys that are actually interested in getting to know the person. Although, you guys have to see it from our side, that like you said we get rejected much more often and I have written really intriguing messages and get no reply or they usually give me a one sentence/fragment response. My experience though, I have meet with one girl as a real date, but everyone else they will chat with me for awhile and then the second I ask if they would to go out, they drop a smoke grenade and disappear into the forest lol.

 

Honestly, while a lot of guys on sites are idiots, I'm starting to feel its not worth the effort to write a nice paragraph or a masterpiece paper. (exaggerating but you know what I mean.) I just write Hey, ask a question about the profile and go from there. As much as I think men are at a disadvantage at online dating, I see what woman have to put up with and its quite sad, many woman probably missed decent guy because their message box was filled up with idiots.

 

I can totally relate to Mattock's experiences. After a while you put in what you get out.

I agree with xpaperxcutx assessment of one liners, but in my experience and of the guys I know, women are passive users of online sites so I personally don't find they have the moral high ground in relation to initiative or effort.

 

OP - I would find it weird with OKC though that you get so many views but no messages, especially since numerous guys favourite you. Bizzare. I cannot help explain this from a guy's perspective, except to think that maybe these guys fancy your profile but maybe given their really low response rate from women they think that you will ignore their emails or will initially get bombarded with msgs so maybe they wait and see if you are still around after a month or so and then try their luck.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I feel for guys here.

 

To be honest when contacting guys first, I write a really lame generic one liner. I basically say "hey I think you are cute :)" The real purpose of this is to gauge guy's interest and to not seem too depsarate for having done the first contact. And that one liner got 8 out of 10 responses. Zero flaking afterwards and all basically wanted to set up a time to meet. (I do write much more substantial messages from there on).

 

Funnily enough, one guy replied to my one liner saying "Wow you have put zero effort into that. Did you even read my profile? Do you seriously think I am going to respond just becuase you are female?" I argued back and forth with him for a few days, it was fun

[Disillusioned]

I have numerous guys who add me to their favorites and view my page everyday , but no message.

 

*snip*

(since waiting around isn't helping)

 

That's the problem. Everyone is still trying to use yesteryear's rules with today's system. Online dating was designed to go both ways, but just about everyone still expects the guys do make the first moves and deal with all of the rejection themselves.

 

There's a site I tried called Her Way, and it is a strange one. The guys join for free and create whatever profile they want, then wait for the women to check them out and pick them. The guys are not allowed to search the women's profiles, and they can only contact the women who pick them. Great in theory, but it doesn't work because in our culture, girls are taught to never make the first move. Apparently we in the US think we're in Bolivia.

 

How females reply to one liner messages?

 

How? I wish someone would tell me. None of them ever messaged me back, after I wrote them a couple of nice sentences on how they seem interesting because of what they wrote about themselves. That's why I left Jdate.

[a_woman]

OKC seems to have relatively few members and they - the men at least - are pretty geeky/nerdy/quiet. Considering the types I get matched with (I'm the opposite of geeky) it's surprising I manage to talk to anyone at all. POF is a hook up site, as the name suggests.