The irony of not seeing inwardly

[irc333]

I have been emailng women here and there that were cute, but overweight...personally, I'm not all that superficial when it comes to looks, but it was funny, how I was even rejected by the overweight, where most men in today's society would probably reject her without even thinking.

 

The whole irony came in was when I was reading her profile, and it read something like "If you're tired of chasing the shallow silly girls out there, feel free to send me an email, if you want a woman of substance, intelligence and character who has a lot of love to give"

 

That was probably what got me to email her, because I THOUGHT she was one of those women who was "aware" or had her eyes wide open to the superficialities of the world, and probably was like myself, that she wasn't so absorbed with the physical as well.

 

I was mistaken.

 

I sent her an email, even expressed how it's nice to meet a woman who was aware that looks aren't everything, and well, she wasn't one of those "shallow girls" and that was the main reason that prompted me to email her.

 

I got a response from her saying that she liked my intelligent and witty email and that I seemed very nice, but at the risk of sounding like one of THOSE shallow girls, that she would have to decline pursing anything with me because she knows what she's attracted to and knows what she wants.

 

Heh, again the irony of her spouting off about "superficial women" in her profile, when she is one of those said women.

 

Of course, I think online dating has made a LOT of people shallow these days.

 

Anyhow, do you find it ironic how she doesn't see herself as one of those women that SHE talks about in her profile?

 

Actually, these are one of the "key words" I kind of look for in a profile, a woman talking about superficiality (or something simliar to what she wrote)...and typically prompts me to contact them.

[a_woman]

maybe it was something else in your profile that she didn't like, not your looks. Maybe she realised you contacted her because you thought she didn't have many options.

[irc333]

maybe it was something else in your profile that she didn't like, not your looks.

 

Anything is possible, but more than likely it was physical appearances.

 

Maybe she realised you contacted her because you thought she didn't have many options.

 

Not sure where you got that idea from. I contacted her because of other reasons, not because of that.

[CLC2008]

I have been emailng women here and there that were cute, but overweight...personally, I'm not all that superficial when it comes to looks, but it was funny, how I was even rejected by the overweight, where most men in today's society would probably reject her without even thinking.

 

The whole irony came in was when I was reading her profile, and it read something like "If you're tired of chasing the shallow silly girls out there, feel free to send me an email, if you want a woman of substance, intelligence and character who has a lot of love to give"

 

That was probably what got me to email her, because I THOUGHT she was one of those women who was "aware" or had her eyes wide open to the superficialities of the world, and probably was like myself, that she wasn't so absorbed with the physical as well.

 

I was mistaken.

 

I sent her an email, even expressed how it's nice to meet a woman who was aware that looks aren't everything, and well, she wasn't one of those "shallow girls" and that was the main reason that prompted me to email her.

 

I got a response from her saying that she liked my intelligent and witty email and that I seemed very nice, but at the risk of sounding like one of THOSE shallow girls, that she would have to decline pursing anything with me because she knows what she's attracted to and knows what she wants.

 

Heh, again the irony of her spouting off about "superficial women" in her profile, when she is one of those said women.

 

Of course, I think online dating has made a LOT of people shallow these days.

 

Anyhow, do you find it ironic how she doesn't see herself as one of those women that SHE talks about in her profile?

 

Actually, these are one of the "key words" I kind of look for in a profile, a woman talking about superficiality (or something simliar to what she wrote)...and typically prompts me to contact them.

 

Yes, there is irony in it.

 

I mean, when someone is on a dating site, they are basically trying to "sell" themselves, right? It's a marketing ploy basically. Or, it could be that her view of shallow is different from yours. Who knows.

[Sphere]

We're all shallow in some degree or another, I've never onced tried to suggest otherwise.

[atlnay]

I got a response from her saying that she liked my intelligent and witty email and that I seemed very nice, but at the risk of sounding like one of THOSE shallow girls, that she would have to decline pursing anything with me because she knows what she's attracted to and knows what she wants.

 

Heh, again the irony of her spouting off about "superficial women" in her profile, when she is one of those said women.

 

Of course, I think online dating has made a LOT of people shallow these days.

 

Anyhow, do you find it ironic how she doesn't see herself as one of those women that SHE talks about in her profile?

 

I may be biased when I say yes it's ironic, but I don't see the problem, because I essentially do the same thing. I see women list they want a man that is 6ft4inchs plus and when I read male ads, there are a lot of nice looking guys who may be 5ft 7 or 5ft 9. So in my own way, I became less superficial and broadened a quality that people really can't control, but I still have a "type" that I find attractive. A certain facial structure, eyes, nose...etc. So if I post an ad saying c'mon short(er) dudes, I don't have a height requirement, of all the replies I may get, I will still pursue the dude who's picture I am attracted to and attractive in my case means, I have to be able to see us getting physical.

 

So I get what she is saying. Totally.

[Woggle]

Believe what a woman does and none of what she says.

[a_woman]

Not sure where you got that idea from. I contacted her because of other reasons, not because of that.

 

Of course you did. When men say they aren't superficial and contact someone they don't consider that pretty, it's because they are after a safe bet. You are annoyed because an ugly chick turned you down.

[Art_Critic]

but it was funny, how I was even rejected by the overweight,

 

Are you to say that because a person is overweight that they should pursue something dating wise that they know won't work out because you think their options are fewer ?

 

The person that rejected you showed you that she has self esteem ? is that what bothers you ? you were looking for women with no self esteem ?

[sanskrit]

Girl advertises herself as "not one of the shallow girls." She responds favorably to OP's mail, but this isn't enough to get her to have a simple date, then out and out tells him he isn't good looking enough. But OP is being completely unreasonable or petty in thinking that's a bit of false advert on her part. Strange logic that.

[irc333]

Well, have you ever heard of relative or friend that tried to get a single person to bring themselves "down to earth" in trying to talk them into perhaps pursuing someone who isn't a "perfect" 10, perhaps someone more plainer looking.

 

I know a lot of people that had sided their close friend, and tried to say, "Hey, I'm telling you as a friend, but perhaps you shouldn't have that 6 foot requirement anymore, or lay off on just limiting yourself to blondes with big boobs."

 

Friends and relatives are always telling these chronincally single people this, to kind of "loosen up" on their criteria.

 

If you ever google "Laura Gottlieb"s" "When is okay to settle for Mr. Good Enoughs" video clip from the Today Show or some of her articles, you'll know what I mean.

 

Something about the "Fine line between settling and just having realistic expectations"

 

For cryin' outloud, her friends made fun of her because she rejected a guy based on the fact his name was Sheldon, she lateh ad "seen the light" and figured she'd stop being up tight and shallow. So she kind of lightened up on that.

 

(Heck, there's being shallow when it doesn't come to looks, but just a name...so maybe it's not always appearances, but other things fo which are shallow)

 

 

Are you to say that because a person is overweight that they should pursue something dating wise that they know won't work out because you think their options are fewer ?

 

The person that rejected you showed you that she has self esteem ? is that what bothers you ? you were looking for women with no self esteem ?

[irc333]

Yeah, I think it's more of a paradox than an irony.

 

 

Girl advertises herself as "not one of the shallow girls." She responds favorably to OP's mail, but this isn't enough to get her to have a simple date, then out and out tells him he isn't good looking enough. But OP is being completely unreasonable or petty in thinking that's a bit of false advert on her part. Strange logic that.

[colliejoanie]

ummm, yeah. I was really put off by the "I was even rejected by the overweight" comment. You're obviously only contacting overweight women because you think they're desperate and HAVE to say yes. That, my dear, is beyond shallow, it's mean.

[Art_Critic]

Something about the "Fine line between settling and just having realistic expectations"

 

I think all people have to deal with this at one time in their dating lives..

It doesn't matter if the person is hot or ugly they still have expectations of what they want in life and will struggle with the how and why of not getting exactly what they wanted.

 

So you think the person who rejected you should have lowered their expectations because they were overweight ?

 

She didn't say you were ugly.. she basically said your weren't her type.. she should know.. since it is her life she is speaking about.

 

Maybe one day in her life she will have to adjust her expectations.. who knows.. but maybe she won't either..

[that girl]

it was funny, how I was even rejected by the overweight, where most men in today's society would probably reject her without even thinking.

 

You want to be praised for hitting on the chubby girl?

 

I don't think the really is that much correlation between how objectively attractive someone is and how well they do romantically.

 

Laura Gottlieb

This woman is crazy. It is stupid to dump a guy over his name, but this woman has a host of issues and basically advocates marrying a guy you don't like and aren't attracted to because it is better than being alone.

 

Girl advertises herself as "not one of the shallow girls." She responds favorably to OP's mail, but this isn't enough to get her to have a simple date, then out and out tells him he isn't good looking enough.

No, she didn't say it was because of looks. She said she knows what she is attracted to and what she wants. It could be that she just didn't like the look of him (which is different than not being hot enough) or she goes for heavier/taller/darker/whatever guys than the OP or she hates guys in sales and he happens to be a salesman. It could be anything. But if she knows she'd never be into him, she isn't doing him any favors by going on a date with him.

[irc333]

Um, no that's not the only reason I'm contacting them, in fact that's not the reason I'm contacting them...I actually happen to find some overweight women attractive....that's just how I am, I'm not that much into physical appearances as the rest of society is.

 

I have a male friend that is in his 50's, and will only date no one older than a woman in her 30's (he would even go for someone in their 20's), and wouldn't even touch a woman around his age. I said to him, "Man, seriously, you need to get more realistic standards."

 

The guy would seriously loose probably 100 lbs, but won't date a woman his weight either. Also some dental issues as well.

 

Of course he's been single ALL his life (never married), so that is the result of his superficiality.

 

ummm, yeah. I was really put off by the "I was even rejected by the overweight" comment. You're obviously only contacting overweight women because you think they're desperate and HAVE to say yes. That, my dear, is beyond shallow, it's mean.

[GoodOnPaper]

You can't win. Men who aren't in that upper echelon of physical attractiveness are told to "lower their standards" if they have difficulty attracting women, but if we do that, we're jerks for not being mad-crazy attracted to the women we decide to contact.

 

That said, OP, it sounds like you are trying to set yourself apart from other guys by being "above" superficialities -- as well as minimize assumed competition, perhaps? I can relate -- I had a similar mindset about dating and attraction. While it seemed completely logical, it never worked out well. All I can suggest is simply own what you are attracted to -- physical and personality qualities -- and try to reach a place where you don't feel you are settling.

[irc333]

Good point....Good...on paper. lol

 

Anyhow, right, I'm also consider more of an average Joe, people sometimes don't tend to at least persue their equal in looks, but it can be a BONUS if you can succeed with attracting a universally attractive woman to you. But I tend to pursue women equal to me in looks.

 

I had a friend of mine tell me that since even good looking guys are going after relatively cute women, while the even more attractive women wind up aging and without many dates, because they keep shooting guys down left and right.

 

So we have in the population a lot of married average looking but women that men were willing to be realistic in seeking at mate, get married, and settle down, while "The beautiful people" remaing chronically single.

 

I have dated my share of extremely gorgeous/fit attractive women myself...that other men would indeed find attractive, beleive me, I've been to enough singles mixers to see 4 guys swarm one attractive woman like flies. lol

 

On the other hand, when me and some male friends would discuss certain female celebrities, I'd say Kim Kardassian is hot, and some guy would say, "Meh, she's fat, too much on her hips, and she really doesn't work out much"

 

That's like taking a bunch of 10's and rating those 10's from 1-10, lol

 

You'd be suprised when talking female celebs, how many guys that found certain female celebs unattractive, it was really a mind blower.

 

I went out with this real hot 45 year old woman, she worked out, kept in great shape, but some would say, "Her nose is too pointy" or something lik ethat, I have to laugh.

 

Who cares about her nose, when its her T & A I care about the most that she's been keeping toned. LOL

 

 

You can't win. Men who aren't in that upper echelon of physical attractiveness are told to "lower their standards" if they have difficulty attracting women, but if we do that, we're jerks for not being mad-crazy attracted to the women we decide to contact.

 

That said, OP, it sounds like you are trying to set yourself apart from other guys by being "above" superficialities -- as well as minimize assumed competition, perhaps? I can relate -- I had a similar mindset about dating and attraction. While it seemed completely logical, it never worked out well. All I can suggest is simply own what you are attracted to -- physical and personality qualities -- and try to reach a place where you don't feel you are settling.

Edited September 26, 2010 by irc333