Jenna1970 Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Hi all, I'm new here... and after being out of the dating pool for sometime, I'm back in it! So I'm looking for some advice since all my friends are married and they'll only tell me what I want to hear...blah, blah, blah. I met a great man online about 2 1/2 months ago. Have had 5 awesome dates...rather long/quality dates. We're both in our late 30's, have careers (he runs an entertainment company), kids, etc. We have similar outlooks on life, similar interests, etc. He has been out of rehab for 2 years. He's very faithful to his program which I fully support. When we're together he is very attentive, very touchy feely with me, has even stated he's becoming very addicted to me. We have been intimate twice... very passionate & satifying there. He's a gentleman and spends a ridiculous amount of money on me. Always tells me how beautiful & intelligent I am....and that I 'rock his world'. And truthfully... I love being with him. He's amazing. But there are days that go by and I don't hear a word from him. A text here or there...a call every few days. Now I know he's busy, but when you're at the begining stages of dating, don't people talk a bit more to get to know each other? I spoke to him about it and he said that work is just so consuming right now that it's impossible for him to take a call or make a call. He has reassured me that even when we don't talk, that is not an indicator of 'out of sight, out of mind'. But this is just weird. He says since he's still in recovery that he doesn't want to 'define' our realtionship and just take it one day at a time. Since we met online, I see that his profile is still up and is active. I asked him about it since I've taken mine down. He said it's for novelty and that he's not dating anyone else, 'looking for the next best thing' nor sleeping with anyone else. He also said that he's trying to find more time for me. OK that's all sweet and stuff... but really? He's now planning a romantic trip to Mexico for us at a luxury resort so we can 'spend quality time together'. I just don't get it.... and I'm a little unconfortable about going on a vacation with a man who I don't know if I'm in a relationship with. Ok all..... fire away!
welikeincrowds Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 He has been out of rehab for 2 years. has even stated he's becoming very addicted to me I lol'd uncomfortably. Do you want to establish exclusivity? It's up to you to assert that boundary if it's important to you now. Keep in mind that 5 dates might be a little fast for that, especially since he has expressed that he wants to take it slow. Meanwhile, you're also expressing discomfort at his pace. A vacation like that would also make me uncomfortable, personally, especially as it feels inconsistent with his "day at a time" approach. But ultimately what matters is that you are at peace with how things are moving, and that you continue to speak up for yourself (as it sounds like you have) so that both your hands are on the reigns. Not calling/texting between dates is not necessarily a warning sign. It's more agonizing when you're the one waiting for the next phone call though, right? However, it sounds like you've already expressed that you want him to be in better contact with you, and he has essentially told you no. This is what you need to resolve within yourself, whether or not that's OK with you. I can't give you an opinion on that, but I'm sure plenty of other posters will.
Author Jenna1970 Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 I lol'd uncomfortably. I know...right? I don't want him trading one (cocaine) addiction for another (me). But his consuming behaviour when we're together is a total contradiction as opposed to when we're apart. Is that normal?
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