arrowheart Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I am a 25 year old male and have know this girl I like for 3 years. We met at work but she eventually moved on from the job. Initially I didn't really find myself being attracted to her. But over the years I have gradually become attracted to her. When i first started developing feelings for her I wasnt 100% sure if I actually liked her. All i knew was that I had these feelings and I linked them with her. I have never felt like that before. Usually I would see a girl who I am attracted to and have some feelings that i knew where because of that girl but this time was different. Because I wasnt sure whether I truly liked this girl I was able to move on and get rid of these feelings for her, dismissing them as just a crush. She had to go away for a while so that helped me to move on also. When she came back I was pleased that i had no feelings for her and assumed that I had successfully moved on. A couple of weeks went by and I started to develop these feelings again. This time they were stonger and I actually did find myself being attracted to this girl. I started to become very flirty towards her and showing I liked her in my body language and the banter we had. This girl has asked me if I like her because she's noticed how Ive been acting around her. I didn't tell her because I wasnt sure why she was asking. But she only said that when she was drunk. She does have a boyfriend. But she does flirt with me back and can get very sexual on occasions. I dont know what love is but I think I may feel that way for her. Whatever I feel is very strong. She makes me happy and I like being around her. It pains me to think that I cannot be with her. I have thought about telling her how I feel towards in the past but I dont know if its the right thing to do. Any help would be much appreciated.
tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 She has a boyfriend, and she flirts with you. She's using you as a substitute boyfriend and you're not getting any of the perks. Don't bother with her anymore. Don't tell her how you feel. Meet other girls.
Cracker Jack Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I agree with Tigressa. Telling someone you have feelings for them (I did the same before) when you know they're in a relationship is flat-out wrong.
tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I told a guy I liked him when he was in the middle of a reconciliation with his ex. That did not go well. She's already got someone, and if you go ahead and tell her how you feel, she'll know for certain that she can manipulate you into doing all sorts of things for her because you're head over heels for her. She's already been taking advantage of your feelings by turning you into an emotional tampon. Don't let it go on any longer. Quit talking to her, quit spending time with her.
carhill Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 OP, just curious. Of the women you meet whom you find even remotely attractive (at your age it doesn't take much IME), how many of those don't have boyfriends or husbands? When I was your age, the answer was, effectively, zero. If you concur, a change in venue is the key. Also, when confronted with a remotely attractive female, approach her immediately, instead of waiting. Express your interest in *dating* immediately. If she is 'taken', she will decline and then you can quickly move on, before any flirting, sexual innuendos, intimacies or emotions are involved. Just set a clear boundary wrt your own behaviors (you can't control a woman's behavior, ever) and act in a healthy way for yourself. In this instance, it would go like this. 'I'd love to date you, but you have a boyfriend, so I respect that and will have no further contact with you'. If she asks why, merely say 'I have to do what is healthy for me'. Leave it at that. Then act in accordance with your words. The other option, considering your long friendship, is to communicate your desire to take a break and resolve your feelings of attraction, and then re-connect when you can be a true friend, including being a friend of her relationships (meaning her boyfriends). A good woman will appreciate and respect that. A Hoover will be irritated because she'll have to replace you with another minion and that takes work. Time reveals all truths. Good luck
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