colliejoanie Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I'm a single mom who hasn't dated since before I met my ex. I finally got on match.com and have gone on a couple of dates, nothing spectacular. I think I've finally found a really good guy, we're going out Saturday with my daughter and his son.....I thought it was so sweet of him to include our kids..... But I'm sooooo nervous. On my profile I put body type as average. I have about 20 lbs to lose......I've already lost 35, but I didn't want to put "a few extra pounds"..... Should I be worried? He had no physical description of the woman he was looking for. Does that mean he has an open mind? OH LORD!!!! I feel like a little kid. I'm hoping someone can give me some encouragement!!!!!
loverofloveandstuff Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 That is really sweet of him to include the kids. 20lbs is a bit ambiguous... I know people both large and thin who would like to lose 20lbs. Do you have full body photos on your profile? Do they accurately portray your current weight? I know it's a little too late, but if you have 'a few extra pounds', that's probably what you should've put. No physical description doesn't necessarily mean he has an 'open mind.' I don't know much about the internet dating world and this may or may not apply to other people, but I wouldn't put a physical description of the type of man I'm looking for even though I'd prefer him to be active and fit. I'd rather not appear that shallow. Good luck!
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Should I be worried? He had no physical description of the woman he was looking for. Does that mean he has an open mind? OH LORD!!!! I feel like a little kid. I'm hoping someone can give me some encouragement!!!!! I'm typically considered a good looking guy, and 20lbs is really not a big deal at all. Even less so because you've lost more than that already. Believe me when I say that most guys are not that shallow, especially older guys. Be comfortable, wear clothes that compliment you, and enjoy your date.
edenvegan Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Colliejoanie, Put on your best outfit/dress, wear a big smile, and hopefully you'll be back on here to tell us all how wonderful everything went! Wishing you the best, E.V.
alclarkey Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I find a lot of times, "A few extra pounds" usually means more than just a few. If you put "average" that would serve you better. Don't let other fakers ruin your chances. If I met a woman had a few extra pounds it wouldn't be a problem for me, even if she said average in her profile.
Author colliejoanie Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 Thank you. It really does make me feel better. And I agree with the "few extra pounds" meaning probably more than a few extra pounds. I think that's why I had such a hard time typing that as my description. Also, I didn't want "a few extra pounds" to define me......because that's not really how I feel. I feel great having lost 35 and am on my way to 55 lbs. I guess if he doesn't like the looks of my body, he's not the one.....it won't be the end of the world.
Author colliejoanie Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 Well, we had our date today. He's really good looking. His pictures didn't do him justice. He's got really piercing blue eyes!! We went to the museum....with both kids.....and we had absolutely no time to talk. It was like we were an insta-fam. BUT WE DIDNT GET TO TALK. He has a great son, who was really good with my daughter, and he was really good with my daughter. But at the end of the "date" he said, ok, we'll give you a call next time we're in town. (he lives two hrs away). And that was that. In my insecure mind, I think he thought I was too big. Damn it. So, if he does call next time he's in town, I will have lost more weight....and if he acts more interested I'll tell him where to go. I'm sad.....but I keep remembering that I'm not the first to be rejected....they made a friggin MOVIE called "he's just not that in to you"......
LondonS Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Not sure about including kids on the first date..
ascendotum Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Not sure about including kids on the first date.. I personally found it kind of weird that he included his and your children in the date, and I would have thought most women would reject this idea. I find most single mothers like to limit the exposure of different men into their kid’s lives until they feel the guy is more than a fly by nighter. Ideally a first meet with a stranger from the internet should be just a quick get together like at a coffee shop or bar or cafeteria, with other plans made for that afternoon/evening as an exit strategy in case the initial meeting is a dud. What would you have done if this guy turned out to be a real creep and you & your daughter are committed to spending the whole afternoon with him? There have been a few female posters on here recently (as well as others I know IRL) who have gone into online dating overweight and then stress over it. I dont understand why you do not wait a little bit longer until you are really happy with your figure and have the confidence to back up your description of yourself. There is x million other women on online dating though who describe themselves as average but need to lose weight, but because of this, the alternative 'a few extra pounds' I'd say for the majority of guys would translate to F.A.T. and you would fall off the radar for most guy's searches. You cannot tell if this is going to be an issue with a guy or not. For some it may because they complain about so many women online being overweight but for many others they realize that being a little overweight is pretty normal for average single 30 something woman (depending on where you live). Dont assume your 20lbs sealed your fate on this date. You dont know! Show a body shot on your profile if you want to help eliminate this doubt on future dates.
Author colliejoanie Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 My daughter is two, and doesn't know a date from a friend. Otherwise I wouldn't think of taking her. But I did think it was sweet of him to invite us to go with him and his son to the nature and science museum. And looking back, it kind of seems like he was just trying to do something nice for a single mom..... Oh well!
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