KarateKim Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Two years ago I ended a physically and mentally abusive relationship. It was incredibly destructive spiritually. It tought me that people have the capacity to be evil; and that love does not "conquer all", nor does good intentions nor being a "good" person make God or karma or whatever other universal force protect you from evil. Anyways, enough of that. I'm pretty amazingly strong because I got out. I gave up my home and my life and I left the bastard. I even forgave him. I moved on. I built a wonderful life for myself. Sometimes I want to break down in tears because life is so wonderful - that discrepancy of where I was and how far I climbed with my own blood and tears, strenght and will is so overwhelming and empowering. Then about three months ago I met a wonderful man. He is a good man. He is kind, smart, sweet, charming and an all around beautiful person. He told me the other day that he loves me. I asked him why and he said because I have my life figured out, and used the word "competant". Immediately I recoiled; "competent" is the last word I would use to describe myself. I told him this and then he said if that's not the case then I misled him. Did I mislead him? I feel constantly overwhelmed. My ex is acting up and sending me emails. Also refusing to pay support is causing massive amounts of financial strain on me. Last week I thought I was having an ashtma attack and went to the doctor where they told me I was having a panic attack and put me on anti-anxiety medication. Hardly "competant". What should I do? Is any of this fair to the guy I'm falling in love with? Should I let him go to spare him from this drama?
GooseChaser Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 You could just take things slowly, settle things with your ex, and just date while you're not ready for a relationship.
witabix Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I'd echo GooseChaser, get the situation with your ex on a stable footing, and find the root of the anxiety attacks before you allow another R to start up. Easier said than done I know. You don't any more baggage than we normally carry around with us going into a new romantic situation.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Two years ago I ended a physically and mentally abusive relationship. It was incredibly destructive spiritually. It tought me that people have the capacity to be evil; and that love does not "conquer all", nor does good intentions nor being a "good" person make God or karma or whatever other universal force protect you from evil. I think that means at some point you will be able to appreciate a relationship that is healthy and stable. Just take each day a step at a time. I know relationships come with feelings of stress and pressure, but this one can help you heal. It's easier to just call it quits and walk away... Is that really your wish?
Author KarateKim Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 Thank you for the responses. What I gather is that the leading consensus is that I should break up with my current boyfriend because of the stress my ex is causing me? Things were on a stable footing with ex before I even thought about starting up another relationships. Ex is also unpredictable and yet again stirred up drama. Probably will always try to create it. Should I resign myself to a life of not dating anyone? The anxiety attack was caused by my ex's email. He is forcing me to go to court. I'm falling in love with my new boyfriend. Did I mention how great he is? So no, I don't want to break up, but I agree it is just not fair that another person has to deal with this.
Silent B Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Kim, I'm so inclined to reply because I'm currently in a very similar scenario as what you find yourself in. The only advice I can give is for you to slow the new relationship down if unresolved feelings linger from your former relationship. Only you know the answer to that question. My (very recently) ex-girlfriend and I began a relationship under circumstances much like your own. Initially it was great as she needed help/support and I was there to provide it. I marveled at her strength and she was so appreciative that I was there to support her. Once we were in the clear problems began to pop up for us. She had a great deal of unresolved anger, loss of love, loss of family, abandonment issues that projected onto our relationship. I also had my own fair share of baggage that sprouted up once the problems began as well. In the end we became a co-dependant mess. We had fought through so many battles outside of our relationship that we ended up being too tired to fight the ones inside that came later. I'm in no way saying that this is what you are headed for. I'm only relaying this as my own experience. You know what is in your head and in your heart. If you know moving ahead is what the focus needs to be then make it reality and not look back. If not, there is no harm in moving slow to make sure your compass is pointed where it should be.
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