BillieD Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Help. Okay, I'm a highly paranoid person and have a tendency to overreact a lot. I'm strangely good at giving other people advice but when it comes to me and my personal life...it's like I'm trying to read a language I don't understand. I don't know if that makes sense. Anyway...I've been seeing this guy but we live a distance away from each other and right now we're both having some cash flow issues so we won't be seeing each other for a bit. I thought that meant that we were going to keep in contact on the phone. Since we decided not to see each other for a bit, we have talked on the phone. He generally does most of the calling. Last week he called me four days out of the week. Then on Sunday I called him and he didn't pick up and he didn't get back to me til Monday. That phone call was good for awhile and then we had this awkwardness. He said something that annoyed me and so we had an awkward silence with him trying to restart the conversation and me trying to talk normally despite my annoyance. After a few minutes of that he said he had to go. That was Monday. He hasn't called since and I'm not going to be the first one to call after that. I'm really freaked out though. Does this mean that's it? Is he not going to call me again? I'd rather just know so that I could get out of this suspense phase and just chalk him up as another one that bit the dust. It's already Thursday and he hasn't called so that's unusual. Usually he calls every other day and at most will skip two days. So basically...that's it then, right? Or am I overdramatizing the situation?
CLC2008 Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Well, what is it exactly that you are feeling paranoid over?
Author BillieD Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 I'm feeling paranoid because he hasn't called since Monday and because we ended the phone call on a bad note. We did both try to restart the convo after the awkwardness but without much success. I hate ending phone calls on a bad note, so that immediately had me paranoid. Like, as soon as I hung up the phone I was already starting to worry that he wouldn't ever call again. We've got the distance and the money troubles going against us so I almost feel like he might decide it's not worth it because of his recent financial issues. And maybe that the weird ending to that phone call was the nudge into not being interested in me anymore. I was hoping he would call yesterday to alleviate my stress but he didn't. And now it's Thursday and he hasn't called since Monday. Plus his not getting back to me til a day later bothered me initially but I tried to just let it slide. But instead of really letting it slide I ended up getting highly annoyed at something he said, probably because I was looking for an outlet because I was REALLY annoyed about the fact that he had taken a day to get back to me. I'm just feeling really anxious right now because I basically have decided in my head that if he doesn't call tonight he's never going to call again. And I'm starting to worry I'm right.
New Again Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I'm not at all familiar with your relationship, but from what you've written it seems a little unreasonable of you to be so annoyed/angry that he took ONE day to get back to you, especially given that he does most of the calling. TBH, if you were being bratty on the phone with him over nothing I don't blame him for not calling you - if you're really concerned you should give up the "I'm not going to be the one to call him" attitude and just apologize for your behavior.
Romance Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Every relationship is different, so I cant tell you what to think. If my long distance bf doesnt text me everyday it would definitely signal something was wrong. I do not think a phone call is too much to ask for a daily basis though, no matter what your situation is.
CLC2008 Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I'm feeling paranoid because he hasn't called since Monday and because we ended the phone call on a bad note. We did both try to restart the convo after the awkwardness but without much success. I hate ending phone calls on a bad note, so that immediately had me paranoid. Like, as soon as I hung up the phone I was already starting to worry that he wouldn't ever call again. We've got the distance and the money troubles going against us so I almost feel like he might decide it's not worth it because of his recent financial issues. And maybe that the weird ending to that phone call was the nudge into not being interested in me anymore. I was hoping he would call yesterday to alleviate my stress but he didn't. And now it's Thursday and he hasn't called since Monday. Plus his not getting back to me til a day later bothered me initially but I tried to just let it slide. But instead of really letting it slide I ended up getting highly annoyed at something he said, probably because I was looking for an outlet because I was REALLY annoyed about the fact that he had taken a day to get back to me. I'm just feeling really anxious right now because I basically have decided in my head that if he doesn't call tonight he's never going to call again. And I'm starting to worry I'm right. How did the phone call end on a bad note exactly? I guess I'm still a bit confused based on what you wrote. I think if we knew the context of what the conversation entailed, it would help us a bit more to understand your perspective and his.
Author BillieD Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 ^Well, it was just awkward. I was annoyed and trying not to show it but not being able to talk normally so it was like...awkward silences and gaps. ^^Yeah, well he's not my bf at the moment, we're not there yet. But he did call today so I guess I was overreacting after all. ^^^I have nothing to apologize for. I got silent because he said something vaguely rude to me, and on top of taking a day to get back to me, I had every reason to be annoyed. I don't expect an apology from him and I am CERTAINLY not going to apologize for having difficulty making conversation after he said something weird. But he did call and we're cool.
New Again Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 (edited) If he's not even your bf, I stick by my opinion that it's unreasonable of you to be upset that he waited one day to call you back. For future reference: if he says something "vaguely rude" you should call him out so he knows he offended you, and/or postpone the conversation to a later date when you can actually talk to him without "awkward silences" because you are fuming internally at him for not calling you back for 24 hrs and then saying something you didn't like. He's not a mind reader. To me it seems early to have this conversation, but given your personality and the distance maybe you should consider having a conversation about your expectations as well. Edited September 24, 2010 by New Again
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