alex1960 Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 ...with her guy friend. Yes I am going over the same stuff over and over again. I caught at least 3-4 emails on which she said she had an "amazing evening" and a "great night" with her friend. Is that code for something else?
carhill Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I forget.... are you talking with her about this inappropriate friendship or are you still gathering evidence?
Author alex1960 Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 I forget.... are you talking with her about this inappropriate friendship or are you still gathering evidence? I have somewhat confronted her, it didn't go well and I was out of arguments. So now I'm back to gathering evidence.
Hop_prophet Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I would keep gathering evidence. That sounds extremely suspicious. I can't really imagine many circumstances where a woman would use those words after seeing a platonic friend, those are date words. Has she had problems with boundaries since you've known her? Did she get really defensive when you confronted her about it?
GorillaTheater Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I caught at least 3-4 emails on which she said she had an "amazing evening" and a "great night" with her friend. Is that code for something else? Could be innocent, I suppose. But from where I sit it isn't. I'd say you have a serious problem. I don't know how your marriage is going otherwise, but would you consider divorce without more definitive proof of an affair? Let me ask it another way: how long are you prepared to spend gathering evidence?
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I think you should continue to gather evidence, honestly instead of questioning it right now. You will drive yourself crazy with random puzzle pieces and none of them will make sense until you get the complete picture.
Crazy Magnet Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Don't forget to print off your evidence and keep more than one copy in two safe locations (where she can't get to at least one copy). Been there, done that, saw him "accidentally delete" or "accidentally throw away" something more than once. Too bad for him I had multiple copies..........muahahahhaha.
Rorschach Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I can't understand what the need to gather more evidence is for. Whether there is a problem with this relationship or not it's clearly bothering you and if you can't talk to your wife about whats bothering you then what the heck is the point of the entire relationship? Seems to me if she cared about you when you brought your concerns to her she might actually listen rather than just getting into a loud argument and then carrying on as normal.
loverofloveandstuff Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Your woman has lost touch with reality. As Rorschach said, talk to her about it. Be assertive and do not let it go the minute she tries to justify her behaviour. Ask her how she would feel if you were continuously meeting a woman, taking her to dinner, paying for her and telling all your friends what an 'amazing time' you were having. You said in your other thread that she doesn't believe she is doing anything wrong. If she honestly believes that she that, then she shouldn't have a problem with you doing any of those things.
Stung Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Well, it's not the smoking gun evidence you're looking for, but it would raise my eyebrows too. Personally I have used 'great night' platonically before, 'it was good to see you guys, i had a great night, let's do it again soon, blah blah blah' but something about the language of 'amazing evening' seems off. It's nitpicky but 'amazing' does not seem like platonic language, it's enough to make small warning bells go off, and in the context of your situation (if I recall it correctly) they'd be more like sirens. Since you've already talked to her and she's stonewalling, I guess I can only advise: keep gathering evidence. And hard as it is, try not to obsess over all the small pieces of the puzzle, it will only drive you crazy.
Author alex1960 Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 For what it's worth, I just checked the messages I printed out and she uses the words "wonderful" and "fantastic" as well. I mean, she couldn't sound more excited. Thank you all for responding. I feel like crap and I can't wait for this to end.
carhill Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Are 'wonderful', 'fantastic', and 'amazing' words she normally uses with family and friends? Also, if I were to run into her in an airport club or hotel lounge somewhere in the world, would she be able to schmooze me well? Is she good at that? A smooth and convincing talker?
Author alex1960 Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 She's quite a smooth talker indeed. Would she use such terms? With such enthuasiasm? I don't know... With some guy from work? Welll...
carhill Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 OK, here's a scenario. She knows you're snooping. She's carrying on like nothing is wrong and doing it right in your face. She can continue until you snap and file for divorce and she'll just 'convince' everyone that you're a lunatic and she's an angel. Barring clear evidence of infidelity *and* living in an at-fault jurisdiction, she can bang this dude, make you crazy and clean your clock in court. That's what *some* women do. Hope you're up for it. I'd be working on plan B if I were you.
AverageJoe Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I can't understand what the need to gather more evidence is for. Whether there is a problem with this relationship or not it's clearly bothering you and if you can't talk to your wife about whats bothering you then what the heck is the point of the entire relationship? Bingo. Thank you all for responding. I feel like crap and I can't wait for this to end. What do you mean, wait? Pal, what is your problem? Pre-empt this now. Wait? Are you kidding me? How many more arguments are you going to broach before you see that sign that says jackass on your forehead when you look in the mirror. You want to put a stop to this? You put your foot down and say, im done. This is NOT acceptable to me. Then kick her ass through the uprights. She is walking all over you and oooh boy, you just want to gather more evidence. What the hell are you doing playing defense? Do you run your life, or is she running it for you? Jesus Christ!
Westy Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I dont know about you but I wouldnt be cool period with any wife/girlfriend of mine hanging out with any dudes 1 on 1. Ive seen more than one of my friends relationships where their SO hanging out with a good "guyfriend" didnt bother them until the inevitable "Ive found someone else" Yeah that guy you didnt care if I hung out with all those times. Dont take this for me being some control freak, Id be practically shoving my last girlfriend out the door if she wanted a night on the town with her girlfriends. I am the polar opposite of clingy and controlling. But there is no reason for a woman or man having one on one time with a member of the opposite sex when they are in a relationship.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I have somewhat confronted her, it didn't go well and I was out of arguments. So now I'm back to gathering evidence. What do you mean it "didn't go well"? This is kind of an important thing. Tell her to choose either you or him... to choose right now, and to prove she has followed through. Also be very adamant that this is her fault for acting like a cheap woman.
alexlakeman Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 1. Grow some balls (I know easier sd than done ) 2. Hire a private invesigator 3. Key logger is ur freind 4. If u have ATT for ur phone they have a GPS tracking servicer for a $10 / month ( I use it for my kids). 5. Open up a new bank account, and star putting $$ there so she won'T clean u out 6. Take off an of ur cr cards u might have her as an authorized user 7. Look at the phone log 8. Install dexrex text msg backup on her cell. That way u can see and have proof of all her texts online 9. Have u looked at her pics? Any pics with him She is stepping all over u. My ex gf would never have disrespected me like that, just bc love.
FL Lady Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Wow - AlexLakeman has some great advice!!
FL Lady Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 I can't prove it, but I wander if you want this relationship over?? Hmmmm
callingyouuu Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Dear God. Threads like this make me never want to get married. This sounds really suspicious to me, although it depends on whether or not these are adjectives she uses normally. Like I describe pretty much everything as "excellent" even though a simple "good" would suffice, although I'm one of few.
Tiberius Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 ...with her guy friend. Yes I am going over the same stuff over and over again. I caught at least 3-4 emails on which she said she had an "amazing evening" and a "great night" with her friend. Is that code for something else? Find yourself some girl friends to have an amazing night with, or confront your wife and tell her you are not okay with other gendered friends.
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