furbaby Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I'm sorry, this is going to be long. I met this guy last November through a local dating site. I had recently been dumped, but my ex was still in my life and I wasn’t really ready to date (although I thought I was). I decided to meet this guy (I’ll call him John) from the dating site, because he seemed pretty cool. We met and we got along really well. Under other circumstances, I would have gone for him. But he was also very reserved, which kinda bugged me. And of course I wasn’t over my ex. John and I went on maybe 5 dates. He tried kissing me a few times, but I wasn’t feeling it. He finally told me how much he liked me, and I apologized and said that I wasn’t over my ex. He said we should still be friends, and he told me I was one of the coolest people he’s ever met. I felt like a real a-hole for hurting him, but he seemed cool with just being friends, so I started to view him as totally platonic. So we hung out from time to time over the past year. He would always try to pay for me and he would always flirt with me. He’s kind of a sarcastic person, so most of the time I just chalked up his flirting to witty banter (we’re always joking with each other). Once when we were alone he asked if I wanted to make out. I couldn’t tell if he was joking, but I wasn’t into it either way and I said no. Some dynamic changed this summer. I was finally getting over my ex. John and I hadn’t hung out in awhile, but we bumped into each other and began hanging out again. It was a bit awkward at first, because there was sexual tension. Basically, I was attracted to him, but kissing him seemed so weird. We’d been friends for awhile, and I am shy about kissing to begin with, so I just wasn’t comfortable with it. On top of that, he was still so reserved, I felt like we weren’t really connecting. Things were getting super awkward, so a little over a month ago, we had a brief talk about it and he said he just wanted to be friends. He said he considered me his best friend here (he’s not originally from here). From that point on, our relationship changed. He wasn’t reserved anymore and I felt like I was getting to know him for real. We started hanging out like 3 times a week, and texting and emailing. At first it was great and we were just friends, but then I started to feel attracted to him. Whenever we hung out, it felt like we were dating. He continued to be somewhat flirtatious, but it seemed like he was happy just being friends, and I felt like I accepted that. But the sexual tension has been building again, and a few days ago, he sent me a text basically saying he wanted to have sex with me. I responded with a yes, and we hung out the next night. And I just froze. He’s been my friend for so long, and I'm so shy; I just couldn't kiss him. When I’m not with him, I think about screwing him all of the time. But when I’m with him, I get so shy. So once again, I essentially blew him off, and probably totally confused him. He went back home for a visit after that night and he’s been gone up until yesterday. While he was gone, we emailed and texted. He took funny pictures of stuff I’d like and sent them to me. He also apparently told some of his friends back home to add me on facebook, and one of his guy friends sent me a message saying, “I hear you’re John’s favorite person in Portland.” I thought, OK, when he gets back, we’ll hang out, and I’ll just KISS HIM. He emailed me yesterday and asked if I wanted to hang out tonight. I said yes, and I thought, OK, this is it. But then last night, I couldn’t sleep and I decided to go on the old dating website. My profile is hidden on there, so no one can see it, but if you search for me, you’ll find it and it shows when the last time I logged on was. I logged on once before like 4 days ago, just out of boredom. When I logged on last night, I saw that he’d logged on too. His profile is also hidden, but it made me worry that he might not even want me to kiss him. I was very hurt in my last relationship, and I don’t want to be rejected again, and I think this is a huge part of why I have been afraid to get involved with John. But I'm ready to start something new, and I love being around John more than anyone. I’m just afraid that if I try to kiss him tonight, he’ll reject me. I’m afraid that I’m misinterpreting his actions, and I’m afraid of losing a friend. On the other hand, I feel like if I keep being so wishy-washy, he will finally just get tired of my crap and move on. I know I’ve blown him off a lot in the past, so I think I’m gonna have to be the one to make the first move. Should I just try to kiss him tonight? Do you think that's what he wants? Does anyone have any advice or insight on this? I know I sound like a spaz, but this situation is just kind of weird and ambiguous, and I suck at this stuff anyway. Any insight from men or women would be great!
LoveAintEverything Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Just go for it! Kiss him, make the move. If you lose him as a friend then he clearly is not a friend to begin with. Just be yourself...
Author furbaby Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 Thanks for your response! I don't think he'd be a bad friend. I just might feel embarrassed if I try to kiss him and he doesn't reciprocate, and that might make things more awkward between us.
TaurusTerp Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Just go for it! Kiss him, make the move. If you lose him as a friend then he clearly is not a friend to begin with. Just be yourself... Ummm.....What?
Author furbaby Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 Ummm.....What? Is that not good advice or...?
sanskrit Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 If he's put up with this much guff from you, he is likely in love with you. Most quality guys would be long gone after just a little of this type of treatment. You will become quickly bored of him though, as he was too easy.
Author furbaby Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 If he's put up with this much guff from you, he is likely in love with you. Most quality guys would be long gone after just a little of this type of treatment. You will become quickly bored of him though, as he was too easy. I doubt he's in love with me. I don't think I'd get bored of him. I'm pretty conservative in my dating practices, I guess you could say. This past year I haven't felt much like myself and my last breakup really kind of turned me upside down. I feel awful for mistreating this guy in any way. He's kind and patient and funny, and those are the traits that I tend to gravitate toward in others. I guess I'll try to make a move and see how he responds. I wish I didn't get so nervous about this stuff. Thanks for your input!
Recommended Posts