FutileGirl Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 hello people! well,im new here, i was looking for a subforum to introduce but i couldnt find,well ,so here is my first post,about an issue that really bothers me. So, im a 21 years old girls who never had a real relationship or boyfriend, the big problem is that im very vain and i care too much about the guys looks, and it makes me extremelly picky, even if the guy is really nice and average looking,i already think that is not enough. the problem is that handsome men are mostly very spoiled, but i still keep crazy fighting to date then,like now,there is a handsome guy that ive going out with and this guys is really stupid and selfish, but for some reason i REALLY would love to date him,and the reason is just about his looks,i think that maybe it is some insecurity inside me,and maybe i just need it to show off and feel better showing that i can "get" a handsome men for me. but i know how stupid it is and i also know that ive been rejecting many amazing men just because they were average, i dont know whats my problem,i just fall in love with very good looking men even if they are stupid, i hate it, i want to change, i just dont know how
Tiberius Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 (edited) What is it about? Can you only enjoy the kinky when a guy is really attractive, or is it really only about showing him off to your circle? I am seeing a girl right now, that looks nothing like my dreamgirl. At first I was even intimidated by her appearance, but she did offset it in other ways and now i like her the way she is. Edited September 22, 2010 by Tiberius
jamesum Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Guys want beautiful girls because we wanna have sex with them. But I wonder why do girls want handsome guys? Bragging rights?
Feelin Frisky Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Hi and welcome to LS. If you really want to gain a different perspective perhaps you should ask yourself do you "earn" anything yourself by what you do or don't do? Or do you simply EXPECT "free" and idealized satisfaction? The more one begins to earn distinction by doing something with their lives other than consumming, the more it becomes evident how to ascertain substance in other people. It may be hard or impossible to learn how to see substance behind image unless one endeavors to have substance behind their own image. Enjoy LS.
SteveC80 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Guys want beautiful girls because we wanna have sex with them. But I wonder why do girls want handsome guys? Bragging rights? Yes as the op said its soemthing to show off and validate her Tons of females do this,female especially yougner ones are very insecure creatures and look for validation through their partners and what they may look like At least the op realizes this might not be the best way to go if shes looking for antyhign of substance
durkadurka Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Guys want beautiful girls because we wanna have sex with them. But I wonder why do girls want handsome guys? Bragging rights? Guys want hot girls because we want to have the hottest piece of ass in the room. Girls want a hot guy because they can flash them off in the room. It's the same idea.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 hello people! well,im new here, i was looking for a subforum to introduce but i couldnt find,well ,so here is my first post,about an issue that really bothers me. So, im a 21 years old girls who never had a real relationship or boyfriend, the big problem is that im very vain and i care too much about the guys looks, and it makes me extremelly picky, even if the guy is really nice and average looking,i already think that is not enough. the problem is that handsome men are mostly very spoiled, but i still keep crazy fighting to date then,like now,there is a handsome guy that ive going out with and this guys is really stupid and selfish, but for some reason i REALLY would love to date him,and the reason is just about his looks,i think that maybe it is some insecurity inside me,and maybe i just need it to show off and feel better showing that i can "get" a handsome men for me. but i know how stupid it is and i also know that ive been rejecting many amazing men just because they were average, i dont know whats my problem,i just fall in love with very good looking men even if they are stupid, i hate it, i want to change, i just dont know how Hi, Welcome to LS. Your talking about changing attraction... and that is REALLY hard to do. I could give you some detailed advice and help you in the right direction if you were a guy, but changing female attraction seems to be a lot harder. I can say for a fact that your just 21 and your attraction will change over time regardless. Maybe it would be helpful for you to think about what makes you attracted to a man.
TwilightSky Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Well, it is partially the "bragging rights" thing. But, I think it is also just an evolutionary behavior. Many studies have been done on the connection between symmetry and health.
Enema Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Just embrace what you like for now. You'll grow out of it when you become an adult. It just takes some longer than others.
SteveC80 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I could give you some detailed advice and help you in the right direction if you were a guy, but changing female attraction seems to be a lot harder. Why do you think that?
Cee Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Try befriending the "average" guys and I think you'll discover that they are quite sexy because they have talent, intelligence, humor, etc. And then your eyesight will change and their pleasant appearance will turn you on. I think it helps to know yourself in a deeper way because attraction can happen from within the intuition rather than just with the eyes. That's all I've got. Good luck.
gypsy_nicky Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 welcome to LS. In terms of appearance what guys do you usually go for? The 8's-10's? Or is it a particular appearance that only you like? (this doesn't mean they're very handsome, just to you) Girls are very much similar to men when pursuing relationships, they will always try and get the most attractive man.
Author FutileGirl Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 thanks everybody for the replies welcome to LS. In terms of appearance what guys do you usually go for? The 8's-10's? Or is it a particular appearance that only you like? (this doesn't mean they're very handsome, just to you) well, i really like the 10's , and not only attractive for me, but atrctive for 90% of women, and yeah i dont like only the "attractive" i like the "veeeeeeery attractive" and it makes me extremelly picky, i really hope that my idea of attractive men changes.. i feel so imature and silly for being so vain about it I would love just to fall in love with a nice average guy without the need of a hot guy to show off to anyone
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 (edited) I want to stop being a girl that only cares about appearance in men Well, as noble-seeming a cause as that is, it would be akin to going into Baskin & Robbins and instead of seeing 31 flavors, finding 210 flavors and having very few ideas as to which one (or four) you should select for yourself. People who are young and attractive (especially women) need something beyond "just wait and see who makes a play for me" in order to sift the dating prospects. Perhaps a better strategy than thinking you'll forget appearance all together would be to fairly assess your would-be "number" on the frat-boy scale (where "Ten" is seemingly flawless, etc.) and then find guys at that level to pursue, which is basically what everybody does. (everyone wants to "date UP" in that way). If people "settled", such as you're suggesting, then of course a lot more people would be mated for life. I do appreciate your noble thought process but I can hardly imagine you having time to consider all of the possibilities if you are truly successful in removing "appearance" from your criteria for dating. Some people just need "appearance" in order to know from where to begin... (read your post again, and wanted to point out that what appears to be "stupid" in the handsome guys is more likely the fact that people who get loads of attention from others just for their looks are never trained to create personalities that draw others to them, or entertain others. It is precisely for not getting lots of attention that many other people EVOLVE personality-wise to entertain and become interesting to others, no matter their looks. That explains what may seem like "stupid" to you.) Edited September 23, 2010 by SincereOnlineGuy
Cee Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I would love just to fall in love with a nice average guy without the need of a hot guy to show off to anyone If it makes you feel any better, one person's hot is another person's meh. Truth is your friends aren't impressed by your date's looks. They might go "Wowie," but it's for a second. And then they go back to their own lives. I would much rather have my girlfriend date somebody who was funny, relaxed, smart, and clever. That way we all could hang out as a group. Have you ever been in love? Sometimes, you find out what truly matters when you are in love b/c looks will only take a relationship so far. For me, looks matter, but so does an emotional and intellectual connection.
shadowplay Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Try befriending the "average" guys and I think you'll discover that they are quite sexy because they have talent, intelligence, humor, etc. And then your eyesight will change and their pleasant appearance will turn you on. I think it helps to know yourself in a deeper way because attraction can happen from within the intuition rather than just with the eyes. That's all I've got. Good luck. I dunno. In my experience you can't "grow" to be attracted to somebody. If she's genuinely not attracted to average looking men, I don't think dating them will change her mind.
Tiberius Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 thanks everybody for the replies well, i really like the 10's , and not only attractive for me, but atrctive for 90% of women, and yeah i dont like only the "attractive" i like the "veeeeeeery attractive" and it makes me extremelly picky, i really hope that my idea of attractive men changes.. i feel so imature and silly for being so vain about it I would love just to fall in love with a nice average guy without the need of a hot guy to show off to anyone So it is about being able to show off. Since you know you have that problem, eventually youll get your fill, feel like you sufficiently proved you can get the hotties and get more interested into whats good for you.
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 (edited) I think it's almost impossible to change something like this at the drop of a hat. You have to just grow into it, as other posters have suggested. Maybe as you mature, your views and values will change. Maybe not. Who knows. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that men often want to "date up" on the looks scale. So if you want to date a "veeeeery attractive" man, you'll probably need to look like a Victoria's Secret model to keep him interested. I'm also a little annoyed at all the people stating that women only want an attractive man for the purpose of showing him off to their friends. Maybe in the OP's case it could be true, but it's not always true. Personally, I view attraction as a necessity for a good sex life. When I see an attractive man, I don't think, "Ooh imagine what my friends would say," I think, "Ooh, imagine the hot sex we'd have!" Granted physical attraction does not always guarantee sexual chemistry, but it's definitely helpful. Edited September 23, 2010 by kiss_andmakeup
PJKino Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 This is why ive taken myself out of the dating market My unattractive ass has no shot when you see threads with im only really attracted to hot guys by most women
tincanman99 Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I see lots of douche bags in her future . When she is about 30 the crying will begin that she cant find a nice guy . That being said, realize the following: Guys that are 10's have lots of options, just like women that are 10's have lots of options. Most are spoiled and dont have to work to get women just because they are good looking. They usually have personalities that are as exciting as a block of stone. I had a woman friend years ago that was a borderline super model and she told me quite bluntly that she will not date model type of men because they are even more vain than her. They keep checking out how they look in mirrors and are completely selfish and self centered. She ended up marrying an average guy who treated her well that made her laugh. What you end up with is your choice.
Star Gazer Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I dunno. In my experience you can't "grow" to be attracted to somebody. If she's genuinely not attracted to average looking men, I don't think dating them will change her mind. OP didn't say anything about attraction. She wants a verrrrry attractive guy to "show off" because she feels better being able to show that she can get a hot guy, and said that being average looking just isn't enough for her. She's yet another young woman who seeks external validation.
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