Lovelybird Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Hi, I want to know if this is me or him, you will be the judge I know a guy, more than a friend, but less than a boyfriend, I don't know what that is. here is the thing He tends to like someone I don't like. I feel like he only sees the surface of a person, especially in the case of women. If the woman purposely show her niceness on front of him (seems she likes him), he would think she is nice. But when he isn't around, she doesn't lift a finger to clean or carry out the garbage. I begin to think if I don't take out the garbage, our house will become garbage dump. And she liked to talk about Jesus when he is around, we all Christians by the way. And he told me that he thinks she is nice and he looked like her presense. So, I grow more and more contempt for him, think he is maybe a superficial guy anyway. Do you think I misjudge her characters or I am jealous?
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Hi, I want to know if this is me or him, you will be the judge I know a guy, more than a friend, but less than a boyfriend, I don't know what that is. here is the thing He tends to like someone I don't like. I feel like he only sees the surface of a person, especially in the case of women. If the woman purposely show her niceness on front of him (seems she likes him), he would think she is nice. But when he isn't around, she doesn't lift a finger to clean or carry out the garbage. I begin to think if I don't take out the garbage, our house will become garbage dump. And she liked to talk about Jesus when he is around, we all Christians by the way. And he told me that he thinks she is nice and he looked like her presense. So, I grow more and more contempt for him, think he is maybe a superficial guy anyway. Do you think I misjudge her characters or I am jealous? Do all three of you live together? I'm confused.
Author Lovelybird Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 (edited) No. We don't. My male friend came to visit me. The girl is one of my roomate. What do you think? And have you ever grown contempt for your boyfriend or husband because he likes someone you don't like? Edited September 22, 2010 by Lovelybird
Stung Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I think if you are feeling contempt for him and you're not even serious with him, you're probably incompatible and not going to make the relationship work long-term. I think it's time to find a new boyfriend, and especially a new roommate, because you have a lot of contempt for her, too. Try to surround yourself with people you respect, it will make you happier and challenge you to be a better person, yourself.
Author Lovelybird Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 Really? contempt means incompatible?
D-Lish Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Really? contempt means incompatible? Having contempt for someone means you don't respect them, don't like them basically. Is that what you meant when you said you have contempt for him?
Author Lovelybird Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 Having contempt for someone means you don't respect them, don't like them basically. Is that what you meant when you said you have contempt for him? Yes, I don't like her. And because he said she is nice, now I have contempt for him as well. I think he only sees things superficially. and he tried to be nice on front of her as well, I think maybe they like each other, i don't know, maybe I am making a mountain out of mole hill? they met only once though
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Yes, I don't like her. And because he said she is nice, now I have contempt for him as well. I think he only sees things superficially. and he tried to be nice on front of her as well, I think maybe they like each other, i don't know . they met only once though Have you been sort of seeing him LB? Was he someone you were interested in before you saw him interact with your room mate?
Author Lovelybird Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 Have you been sort of seeing him LB? Was he someone you were interested in before you saw him interact with your room mate? we knew each other more than one year. and when i was in china, he visited me twice, we are very vague about our relationship because maybe we both don't know
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 (edited) we knew each other more than one year. and when i was in china, he visited me twice, we are very vague about our relationship because maybe we both don't know Well I can see why his interest in your room mate would bother you... It would bother most of us! I remember introducing a guy I had just met to my best friend, and he flirted shamelessly with her... My friend has a lot of shallow qualities, and she was happy to flirt back with him. I was furious- I never went out with him again, and it took me a long time to forgive my friend (I had contempt for both of them in that situation as well). So... No, I don't think you are wrong for feeling the way you LB. I think it's a natural reaction to the situation. Often when you see someone for whom they really are, and when someone you have respect for (possibly romantic feelings for), doesn't see what you see- it's natural to feel confused and frustrated, and angry. It's quite possible that if he got to know her better, he'd see her in the same light you do. Remember, guys aren't as intuitive as women- it often takes them a bit longer to make a judgement. If he doesn't know her well, he's only seeing her best behaviour- you on the other hand have had a chance to know her better because you live with her. Edited September 23, 2010 by D-Lish
Knittress Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I suspect you're irritated at him because you feel like he disregards your feelings by 'taking her side' when it's his duty as a friend to empathize with YOU. Perhaps also, you might feel that he's disrespecting your judgement, by not taking your evaluation of her character seriously. At least... that's how I'VE felt. Being irritated with him seems like the normal response, really.
Author Lovelybird Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 Well I can see why his interest in your room mate would bother you... It would bother most of us! I remember introducing a guy I had just met to my best friend, and he flirted shamelessly with her... My friend has a lot of shallow qualities, and she was happy to flirt back with him. I was furious- I never went out with him again, and it took me a long time to forgive my friend (I had contempt for both of them in that situation as well). So... No, I don't think you are wrong for feeling the way you LB. I think it's a natural reaction to the situation. Often when you see someone for whom they really are, and when someone you have respect for (possibly romantic feelings for), doesn't see what you see- it's natural to feel confused and frustrated, and angry. It's quite possible that if he got to know her better, he'd see her in the same light you do. Remember, guys aren't as intuitive as women- it often takes them a bit longer to make a judgement. If he doesn't know her well, he's only seeing her best behaviour- you on the other hand have had a chance to know her better because you live with her. Thanks, D-Lish, yes, I felt like betrayal like you did. My roomate was like she tried to cut in between us as long as she got chance, ate my dinner and left me alone to wash the dish as if she is too good to do those things, I think my guy friend got validated a little, so he thinks she is nice. she asked me a lot about him after he left, annoying. I suspect you're irritated at him because you feel like he disregards your feelings by 'taking her side' when it's his duty as a friend to empathize with YOU. Perhaps also, you might feel that he's disrespecting your judgement, by not taking your evaluation of her character seriously. At least... that's how I'VE felt. Being irritated with him seems like the normal response, really. yes, i am irritated with him, he is blind or something ?!
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Thanks, D-Lish, yes, I felt like betrayal like you did. My roomate was like she tried to cut in between us as long as she got chance, ate my dinner and left me alone to wash the dish as if she is too good to do those things, I think my guy friend got validated a little, so he thinks she is nice. she asked me a lot about him after he left, annoying. yes, i am irritated with him, he is blind or something ?! Your room mate sounds like the kind of girl that other girls recognize as the "type" of girl to stay clear of, and keep your bf's away from. I'm sure she pumped up his ego by being a flirt- but you know what LB? YOU are the one with the connection with this guy- she's totally new to the mix. Why don't you assert yourself and tell this girl to back off- you don't owe her anything. Have you talked to this guy about taking things to the next level between the two of you? Guys don't typically hang around with women, or go out of their way to visit them if they aren't romantically interested! Why haven't you and this guy taken things to the next level? What's stopping you? Maybe you were unsure about how you felt before, but maybe your roomie being all ridiculous and flirtatious has helped you to realize your feelings for him. Whether you want to admit it or not, you are jealous- and let's face it, we don't get jealous unless we are invested in someone. Talk to this guy LB, maybe you should just go for it with him- what's stopping you girl?
Author Lovelybird Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 (edited) Your room mate sounds like the kind of girl that other girls recognize as the "type" of girl to stay clear of, and keep your bf's away from. I'm sure she pumped up his ego by being a flirt- but you know what LB? YOU are the one with the connection with this guy- she's totally new to the mix. Why don't you assert yourself and tell this girl to back off- you don't owe her anything. Have you talked to this guy about taking things to the next level between the two of you? Guys don't typically hang around with women, or go out of their way to visit them if they aren't romantically interested! Why haven't you and this guy taken things to the next level? What's stopping you? Maybe you were unsure about how you felt before, but maybe your roomie being all ridiculous and flirtatious has helped you to realize your feelings for him. Whether you want to admit it or not, you are jealous- and let's face it, we don't get jealous unless we are invested in someone. Talk to this guy LB, maybe you should just go for it with him- what's stopping you girl? I don't totally trust him, D-Lish, things like this made me more difficult to trust him. I don't want to bring up the "talk", I think he should be the one bring up the talk. Maybe I should date more guys, or talk to more guys, he will understand what it feels like. I've heard that guys are made this way, they are competitive, but women are attracted to commitment and faithfulness, men are attracted to competition with other guys We tend to give what we need from another. Maybe I should be more "bad", not show him my loyalty Edited September 23, 2010 by Lovelybird
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Maybe he doesn't think you are interested because you don't give him any signals that this is anymore than friendship to you? How do you act around him? Do you flirt with him?
Author Lovelybird Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 Maybe he doesn't think you are interested because you don't give him any signals that this is anymore than friendship to you? How do you act around him? Do you flirt with him? I hugged him, he seemed happy about it though what signals should I give him ?
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I hugged him, he seemed happy about it though what signals should I give him ? Compliment him, smile at him, touch him (hand on the shoulder, your hand on his hand, etc). Tell him he looks good! If you're shy and he's shy, things will move slowly. Keep in mind, that as much as your room mate is a bitch, she knows how to show a guy she's interested. I'm sure he'd prefer that you gave him the same signs- but instead you went and washed the dishes and left them alone. Next time, leave the dishes!!! The dishes can get done the next day!!! Maybe he thought that because you focused on getting the dishes cleaned and put away that that was more important to you than spending time with him. One thing to remember LB, never leave a guy you are interested in with a predator like your room mate, because girls like her will capitalize on those moments alone with your guy. LB, he has been going out of his way to visit you- he has feelings for you. It's quite possible that he doesn't think you feel the same way and that's why he isn't taking things to the next level. If you're treating him like a friend, he's going to think you only see him as a friend.
Author Lovelybird Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 hehe, D-Lish, you are right, I will leave the dishes next time. I am kind of a woman who used to silently do works and give others the stage to show, I guess still I wish someone notice my hard work and my silence is not really silence, and he can read all my minds and heart, I know, a little too much to ask Probably you are right, I was looking for more signs from him, probably he thinks he already go out of his way, and he is looking for mine? God bless his heart All the time I thought he is a difficult guy, then probably I gave out mixed signals as well?
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