10 yrs plus -Sex can you be bothered?

[lovingagain]

Honestly now how many of you don't actually have sex having been married for 10/15 years plus. I must admit I considered not bothering again but I know a few friends who just did without. I now know that this is a marriage killer so please be honest. How many others admit that they never kiss or cuddle. In my marriage I realise that the kissing was the bit I missed the most and I went without that for far too long.

[quankanne]

I won't lie – I miss it tremendously. Physically when my body kicks into gear and screams KNOCK ME UP BIG BOY (you know ... ovulation?), but mostly it's the stuff that's associated with sex that I miss. The cuddling, the undivided attention, the smooching, the pillow talk. DH is an old fart with waning libido and a messed up back, so he honestly seems to think anything other than casual intimacy is a foregone conclusion to sex :laugh:

 

I do know that the next relationship I have, should he die before me, is going to be with someone who can be a close friend and who likes the cuddling bit and isn't freaked out at the idea of sex as the highest form of intimacy when the time is right for it.

[xxoo]

Good lord, when we were married 10 years, I was just reaching the very start of my sexual prime! I think I'd be pretty miserable if we stopped having sex at that point.

[crazycatlady]

10 years is when we went prime time. at 13 years is awesome. I could do with more, but I guess 3 or 4 times a week isn't shabby.

 

Sure we had sex a lot in the beginning, and it was fun and ok. But it is nothing compared to now adays. Sex now days at 13 years is.....AWESOME. In the beginning we were like a garage band, loud and enthusiastic but not very good. Now a days we are the philharmonic fine tuned and sounding beautiful.

[xxoo]

In the beginning we were like a garage band, loud and enthusiastic but not very good. Now a days we are the philharmonic fine tuned and sounding beautiful.

 

Laughing (and identifying) with the musical analogy. Perfect! And I completely relate

[Iconoclast]

17 years, 13 married. Almost every day & usually twice on weekends. Still in love. Two kids. Requires work and nurturing though.

[Moanin]

I think it's very common for married couples to settle into a "no sex" routine. I have been married for almost 10 years and we have been pretty much sexless for almost 4 of those...... sometimes I question the honesty/exaggeration on the amount of “times” when this question is asked……

[allina]

Good lord, when we were married 10 years, I was just reaching the very start of my sexual prime! I think I'd be pretty miserable if we stopped having sex at that point.

 

10 years is when we went prime time. at 13 years is awesome. I could do with more, but I guess 3 or 4 times a week isn't shabby.

 

Sure we had sex a lot in the beginning, and it was fun and ok. But it is nothing compared to now adays. Sex now days at 13 years is.....AWESOME. In the beginning we were like a garage band, loud and enthusiastic but not very good. Now a days we are the philharmonic fine tuned and sounding beautiful.

 

17 years, 13 married. Almost every day & usually twice on weekends. Still in love. Two kids. Requires work and nurturing though.

 

Awww that's so great to read I'm a newlywed and sometimes I get so sick of people on LS insisting that I won't be as in love or as attracted to my husband in some 10+ years. It's nice to read some success stories.

[allina]

I think it's very common for married couples to settle into a "no sex" routine. I have been married for almost 10 years and we have been pretty much sexless for almost 4 of those...... sometimes I question the honesty/exaggeration on the amount of “times” when this question is asked……

 

I don't know about that. My parents have been married for 30 years and I know for sure their marriage isn't sexless

[crazycatlady]

I think it's very common for married couples to settle into a "no sex" routine. I have been married for almost 10 years and we have been pretty much sexless for almost 4 of those...... sometimes I question the honesty/exaggeration on the amount of “times” when this question is asked……

 

I know of no healthy relationship that has lack of sex routine that aren't health related. None.

 

I'm not saying that the having sex relationships are perfect, but the parties in them are happier. Which makes sense because sex does elevate moods.

 

My parents have been married 40 years, I know they still get busy . I think they had a party when we left after visiting them for over 2 weeks because they prefer an earlier time. Another good friend of mine, her parents have a weekly date (it suits their desires) at 6pm sunday evening. She will not break that date for all the money in the world. And man she gets evil if someone tries to call her during that time when she calls them back because she won't answer.

 

Sure we have some weeks when its just once or twice. That's a bad week. That makes me cranky. Idealy its 5/6 days a week and at least one twice day. That is also rare. It is usually 4 or 5 though, and every other week a twice day.

 

No its not the like bunnies whenever we are alone that it was when we first got together, but the sex is so much better too.

[xxoo]

I think it's very common for married couples to settle into a "no sex" routine. I have been married for almost 10 years and we have been pretty much sexless for almost 4 of those...... sometimes I question the honesty/exaggeration on the amount of “times” when this question is asked……

 

But you did enjoy sex together at one time? What happened?

 

I don't think it is common for married couples to be "no sex" longterm, because eventually one person will seek sex somewhere else, and the marriage will fall apart. I just can't understand how marriage somehow renders people asexual.

[quankanne]

loved the comparison, CCL!

 

I'm a newlywed and sometimes I get so sick of people on LS insisting that I won't be as in love or as attracted to my husband in some 10+ years.

 

if anything, your relationship – and your sex life – will evolve because you both learn to adapt to situations that arise. And I can guarantee, all the wildly romantic, sexy stuff you first enjoyed stays equally wild as the relationship matures because you start looking at it from a psychological/emotional viewpoint. The best sex (er, when it happens) is with my husband now, because there's an emotional depth, a bond that only time could have forged and one which you don't possess in a newer relationship, no matter how much you care for the other person.

 

kinda like the way a pot of spaghetti sauce develops nicely when you allow the flavors to meld a few days

[lovingagain]

My point is, not are you happily married having sex, do most married's settle for sexless marriages after 10-15 years. Why do they accept it? If you are happy and happily married and having lots of sex, what are you doing on here?

[Mr Orange]

17 years, 13 married. Almost every day & usually twice on weekends. Still in love. Two kids. Requires work and nurturing though.

 

No offense, I find that hard to believe . I like sex as much as the next guy, but dropping the pants on a daily basis just feels like way too much work. How do you get anything else done;)?

I've been through periods of daily (sic) sex, but after a year and a half of that I'm ready to take it easy .

[mitchell]

I've been married 22 years. Our sex life has dwindled much to my dismay. My wife seems satisfied to have sex every 2-3 months. The odd thing is that the sex on those rare occasions can be superb. She lured me into the shower for an incredibly hot session a few weeks ago. Nothing since then.

 

The time before was maybe 2 months ago. We had a lengthy session where we both came several times and collapsed from exhaustion. It was fantastic.

 

When I ask in the afterglow why we don't do this more often, her reply is typically "I don't know".

 

sad

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

18 years together, 16 of them married... Sex has always and (I believe) will always be an important component of our relationship.

 

I often used to say without sex am done... No sex = no marriage... Meaning that I would leave if there is no good reason why we are not intimate and not wanting one another in such a way.

 

I have matured to a place where I realize that puts way too much stress and emphasis on sex... If it wanes and desire decreases, then so be it, we will deal with it, and figure our way around it. We'll get back to enjoying it in the right way, at the frequency that suits our marriage as a whole. No need for it to be a certain frequency or sex that only satisfies or pleases me.

 

It was a big eye opener one day when on a scale of one to ten my wife said she was a 3-4... the scale being 10= I am free to give and receive love and sex as I wish, and 1= I am a sexual/love slave. I really began to see the errors of my ways in focusing on me instead of us.

 

Still, I honestly find it hard to imagine living in a marriage without sexual intimacy of some sort... it would be an important focus and area to work on if we were in that situation.

[Iconoclast]

No offense, I find that hard to believe . I like sex as much as the next guy, but dropping the pants on a daily basis just feels like way too much work. How do you get anything else done;)?

I've been through periods of daily (sic) sex, but after a year and a half of that I'm ready to take it easy .

 

No offense taken. We get to choose what we believe.

She is a jewel. I want to spend all eternity with her. I treat her as I would something precious, something easily injured, something easliy lost.

She is respected and loved. Adored even.

We hug/kiss/touch each other when we pass, I make a point of this in front of the children, so they can see what normal should be.

We hold hands when we are out walking / mall etc. We kiss in public.

I maker her laugh.

She seems happy.

 

Sometimes I feel like the smartest guy in the world. Cause i'm happier than the richest guy in the world by getting so much back, for such little effort given. It's remarkable really.

 

There's a lot more facets to it, but really, treating someone well is not that hard.

 

That's how you get sex every night for at least an hour. Keeps you healthy too. Really no downsides.

 

My life is good.

[mem11363]

I don't know what "very common" means. I have read 15%. So what. It is toxic for the person who WANTS to have sex. And it can't be all that happy for the refuser....

 

I think it's very common for married couples to settle into a "no sex" routine. I have been married for almost 10 years and we have been pretty much sexless for almost 4 of those...... sometimes I question the honesty/exaggeration on the amount of “times” when this question is asked……

[quankanne]

I often used to say without sex am done... No sex = no marriage... Meaning that I would leave if there is no good reason why we are not intimate and not wanting one another in such a way.

 

I have matured to a place where I realize that puts way too much stress and emphasis on sex... If it wanes and desire decreases, then so be it, we will deal with it, and figure our way around it. We'll get back to enjoying it in the right way, at the frequency that suits our marriage as a whole. No need for it to be a certain frequency or sex that only satisfies or pleases me.

 

whole lotta truth in your statement – as you age, you come to certain conclusions about those ideals you once had about sex, and you realize that you are capable of adapting, that less sex doesn't mean equal a bad relationship.

 

or, as I figure, what's left when the sex is gone/dwindles? Is your relationship built up enough to a point where it is able to go on, or is it one built on really faulty ground? Why bother to get married or look at a future together if you refuse to see past the sex end of it? It's not the be-all, end-all of a relationship, and people are foolish if they insist that it is ...

[camel's toe]

No offense taken. We get to choose what we believe.

She is a jewel. I want to spend all eternity with her. I treat her as I would something precious, something easily injured, something easliy lost.

She is respected and loved. Adored even.

We hug/kiss/touch each other when we pass, I make a point of this in front of the children, so they can see what normal should be.

We hold hands when we are out walking / mall etc. We kiss in public.

I maker her laugh.

She seems happy.

 

Sometimes I feel like the smartest guy in the world. Cause i'm happier than the richest guy in the world by getting so much back, for such little effort given. It's remarkable really.

 

There's a lot more facets to it, but really, treating someone well is not that hard.

 

That's how you get sex every night for at least an hour. Keeps you healthy too. Really no downsides.

 

My life is good.

 

I want a marriage like this!!!And I believe it is possible;I'm holding out for it! Posts like this prove I am right!

 

Being single and in my thirties I have no end of married friends entreating me to settle, basically, for the first guy who comes along. I mean guys I don't even FANCY.

 

An older woman I know has been married 20 years and they are still just like newlyweds. She said to me "if you don't fancy him, its game over". And I'm listening to that!

[Iconoclast]

Being single and in my thirties I have no end of married friends entreating me to settle, basically, for the first guy who comes along.

 

No. Don't settle.

I was 31 when we met, married at 35. Now 48.

 

The part that a lot of people neglect is the daily maintenance, whether you feel like it or not. Like anything you have, you must take care of it, if you want it to always be like new.

You make sure your partner knows you love them, in words and actions, every day, even if you are angry, sad, sick. May seem like effort at first, but eventually it's like putting a quarter in a machine that spits out $10 dollar bills. You'd be foolish not to.

 

Just be strong and confident and happy, even if you're not, project that, and your brain and emotions will catch up eventually... and that is attractive.

Fool yourself into being a great catch, until you are.

[thomasb]

After 16yrs my wife and I still make love at least 3-4 times during week. Usually more on the weekends due to time and energy constraints. And it is much better than 10 or 15 years ago. We know exactly how to please each other. And the degree of intimacy only increases with the years. I cannot imagine living any other way. It definitely increased once the kids grew and moved out.

When we were waving to the youngest as he drove off after his wedding, my wife whispered to me "Now we can run around nekkid!":lmao:

[jimrich]

Amongst the useful things we learned in relationship skills and tips was exactly how to keep the love and excitement alive and getting better.

If you want to know, look it up.

All I can say (just speaking for myself, not my mate) is that before I learned these skills, I was a total dud in a previous marriage and had no clue how to make it work, so it just DIED.

Now that we both know a few things, our sex life is as good as ever or even better in certain areas and I'm losing my 'equipment' at 72. It's interesting that we still know how to turn each other on and do a lot of cool things with or without my 'equipment' working as it used to. Some of this is due to me watching and learning stuff at porn sites. These porn adventures do not diminish my feelings or loyalty to my spouse in any way and actually enhance or activities.

We would never allow time (10 years) or any other thing to interfere with our love and affection now that we know how and what to do thanks to relationship skill....try it!''

[Tiberius]

Its strange how they all care of a sudden again when he/she starts doing it with somebody else. That kind of decision should be mutual. Trapping and then going like, no sex, yes that can be a downer. You cut off sex, she cuts off something else, you retaliat and stop doint this, he spends more time with his friends and before you know it, you are marred on paper only.

[Honorable_Venerable]

No offense taken. We get to choose what we believe.

She is a jewel. I want to spend all eternity with her. I treat her as I would something precious, something easily injured, something easliy lost.

She is respected and loved. Adored even.

We hug/kiss/touch each other when we pass, I make a point of this in front of the children, so they can see what normal should be.

We hold hands when we are out walking / mall etc. We kiss in public.

I maker her laugh.

She seems happy.

 

See my threads. I do all this and I get sex when she wants, how she wants and grief because it isn't how it "ought" to be. Sex for an hour? Don't get me started!

 

 

My life is good.

My LIFE in general is good. My sex life isn't worth sour owl sh**!