AQUARIUM Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I've just started a new relationship (2months) with a girl who I really like. Pretty much from the beginning I knew she lived with her ex. They were together for about 4-5 years and have been broken up for 1 year. Her ex has a new partner. In the first month or so I didn't really have a issue with it, but in the last few weeks its been bothering me to the point where its making me unhappy. What should I do? Is it possible to remain friends with an ex like this? Is it too soon to bring this up especially as I knew what I was getting myself into? I don't think the situation can change or at least now quickly. It is likely to cause tension as we do hang out occasionally, which is generally okay.
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I've just started a new relationship (2months) with a girl who I really like. Pretty much from the beginning I knew she lived with her ex. They were together for about 4-5 years and have been broken up for 1 year. Her ex has a new partner. In the first month or so I didn't really have a issue with it, but in the last few weeks its been bothering me to the point where its making me unhappy. Why....? What should I do? Is it possible to remain friends with an ex like this? Given the time they've lived together, and when they broke up, it doesn't seem unreasonable.... Is it too soon to bring this up especially as I knew what I was getting myself into? if you knew the situation from the get go, you really have no right bringing it up at all.... I don't think the situation can change or at least now quickly. It is likely to cause tension as we do hang out occasionally, which is generally okay. The only person it would cause tension with - is you. he has a new GF. What is your problem with this, exactly?
squeaky Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I lived with an ex-boyfriend. We dated for 2 years, but broke up because there just wasn't a spark there anymore. We had become more like siblings than boyfriend and girlfriend. So when we lived together, we weren't flirting or having sex, we were just kind of coexisting as friends. But I know that is a pretty unusual situation, and more often than not it's not the case for exes. You guys have been dating for 2 months, so I think it's fair that you bring this up to her. I think in most cases, it is a bit odd (or at least potentially awkward) for exes to live together. If you feel like things will get more serious with this girl, now would probably be the time to address any concerns you might have. My advice is just to not be accusatory. Find out what the background is with her ex, the nature of their breakup, and what the living situation entails. Then decide for yourself how comfortable you are with it. Try to be objective about what she tells you, but follow your gut if you suspect anything fishy going on.
Lady vs Panda Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I wouldn't have gone there in the first place. Seems a bit late to fret about it now. Still, you feel what you feel and you should be honest with her. It is a weird situation that would probably bother most people.
Fire Salamander Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 If I was that ex boy friend I'd throw all her stuff out and say you've got one day before it goes in the trash. If I were you, and my new gf was still living with her ex.. I wouldn't even bother. This girl probably rides both cocks in bed.
New Again Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I understand why this would make you uncomfortable. As someone else said, you probably shouldn't have even gone there to begin with. I know I wouldn't. Since you did, I'm not sure what you're hoping to accomplish by bringing this up to her? IMO, 2 months of dating is way too soon to expect her to find a new place to live, and unless there's a very specific reason you're uncomfortable, such as how they act with each other, I don't see any good outcome from asking her to validate your feelings on this issue, at this point in your relationship. If I had put myself in this type of situation, I would not put up with someone who was questioning me on this after only 2 months, assuming he knew about it from the beginning and I hadn't been doing anything questionable, like flirting with my ex in front of you. Personally, if I were not comfortable with this situation (and I wouldn't be), at this point, since you're already dating, I would just back off and tell her that I'm not comfortable with her living situation, but she can give me a call when she finds a new place to live with someone she hasn't slept with.
LoveAintEverything Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 She should not be living with her ex at all
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Why....? Given the time they've lived together, and when they broke up, it doesn't seem unreasonable.... if you knew the situation from the get go, you really have no right bringing it up at all.... The only person it would cause tension with - is you. he has a new GF. What is your problem with this, exactly? A friend just went through this situation recently. We all told him to end the relationship, but he wouldnt. He found out later that she was continuing to have sex with her ex. He is still dating her... I don't know why.
alexlakeman Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 That's just wrong... guess when he forgets his boxers when bathing he just walks out naked to his room, I mean they've seen themselves naked already... Or, she when she gets home, she gets comfortable in those cute little boys shorts, tight and short, so what if he sees her cute little as.s in them...he's seen it before... and her nipples sticking through her big comfy t-shirt... Or, when you and her have a fight, and she comes home crying, and he's there to comfort her, have a drink, ooooopppps.... grunge sex... Too many women to have to deal with that...
Lovelybird Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 You should be honest with her, and see how she deals with your uncomfortableness. then probalby you will have more clear picture. Do you have a pattern to love a cheating woman?
eerie_reverie Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Why are you starting to be uncomfortable with it now??? Personally, I have a couple of exes with whom I'm still friends, but no longer have any romantic vibes. I could see us happily living together. I don't think this needs to be a dealbreaker unless you make it one.
Maggotface Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I'm actually currently in this type of living situation. Me and my ex dated for a while and I eventually moved in, mostly to get out of the bad living situation I was in. We didnt work out as a couple but stayed good friends and enjoyed each others company so we didnt see any reason for me to move out. When either one of us dates they normally find it a bit odd but dont generally have a problem with it (or they dont vocalize it). We're not romantic towards each other so I dont even think about it until I have to tell whoever I'm dating.
Recommended Posts