Gold Pile Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I live in a high rise condo. Friday a new owner, a 40 something attractive female was moving in. It didn't escape me that all her helpers were female also. I pumped some iron, showered up and went out to bump into them. I was polite and helped with a few boxes of stuff. I then headed for the building basement. There is some sort of access tunnel behind 2 banks of hot water heaters. I retrieved a skateboard and a stuffed squirrel (a crude flea market find) from my storage unit. I used the squirrel to prop open the hatch while I laid on the skate board and scooted along the tunnel. It's hot and noisy in there. Laying face up on the skateboard leaves me little clearance, I need to turn my head so my nose doesn't scrape the tunnel ceiling. At the tunnels end, there is a room of sorts. (about 3 feet long and 3 feet wide), it contains a couple of cold water pipes. A fortunate design flaw ....from this spot you can hear activity from each of the buildings kitchens. In the only step that takes real effort, I grasp a pipe and pull myself out of the tunnel. I usually use one pipe as a "chairback" to lean back against, rest my legs on top of the tunnel and try to mostly plug the tunnel opening with my butt. (this keeps the heat and noise down) At 1st I could only hear some turkey washing dishes, what kind of weirdo stays inside washing dishes on a beautiful day? After that racket I hear voices from a couple of units. I picked out the new owner easily because it was a conversation amongst several females. Within moments I heard them talk about me. Mostly good natured teasing of "Beth" about her good looking neighbor. They called me dapper, fit, friendly, dignified looking, and such. The mission was somewhat marred by one lady who said "yeeeew" and bad things about me. She said I seemed like an A-hole. But Beth and the others defended me. I exited the tunnel and found myself facing 2 stunned maintenance guys. All the times I've done the tunnel bit, this is the first time I was found out. But I have had a cover story prepared from the start. I told them I was putting junk in my storage unit when I saw a squirrel run into that tunnel. I said I was afraid it would start a fire so I went after it. I held up the dead squirrel as proof. They looked pretty shocked and respectful, it's not everyone who would go after a rodent when unarmed. They said next time I should call them, they'd handle it. Today I saw Beth carrying a box of stuff, I said she had a nice box and would like her to join me for a lunch date. She turned me down. No harm, I know what she thinks of me, I will secure a date with her soon.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 nice box...????? lol. thought it was a sure thing, huh?
sanskrit Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Find out the identity of the one who said "yeww" about you. That one will sleep with you instantly. Lucky for you the maintenance men didn't notice how quickly the squirrel went from "running away" mode to "rigor mortis taxidermy" mode.
Author Gold Pile Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 nice box...????? lol. thought it was a sure thing, huh? A cheezy line for sure, but I said it with a straight face.
Author Gold Pile Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 :Find out the identity of the one who said "yeww" about you. That one will sleep with you instantly. Lucky for you the maintenance men didn't notice how quickly the squirrel went from "running away" mode to "rigor mortis taxidermy" mode. They had to think I killed it. As for the "yeeew" lady, you're probably right. Not to seem superficial but Beth was the only attractive one in the group. Ms Yeew hasn't a chance of landing me.
tami-chan Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 :lmao:! Goldpile..lol...you never disappoint. So tell us, what is your next move?
DontWorryBHappy Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 You: "Heyyyy there, that's a nice lookin box you got there!" Her: (hmmm this guy is kind of odd) "Umm nooo I have some things to do..."
Author Gold Pile Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 :lmao:! Goldpile..lol...you never disappoint. So tell us, what is your next move? Hi Tami , She's not Chinese.You always ask . For now I'll just engage her in friendly "hello" talk. She'll think she lost her opportunity, then eventually I'll ask her out again. She will jump at the chance. I will make it a dinner date.
welikeincrowds Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I can't believe you maneuvered through a narrow tunnel like that. I'd freak the **** out.
Author Gold Pile Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 I can't believe you maneuvered through a narrow tunnel like that. I'd freak the **** out. It's a wood framed sheetrock tunnel. If someone got trapped, they could punch their way out. The skateboard adds height, but if you roll off of it...it gives you several more inches of clearance. i want one of those low profile, wheeled boards that auto mechanics use.
Trimmer Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I can't believe you maneuvered through a narrow tunnel like that. I'd freak the **** out. I read it as a metaphorical return to the womb... GP - when you come out, do you come out head first, or legs first (i.e. breech)?
Art_Critic Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I want to know what lead up to the finding of the sweet spot originally..... and the squirrel being stored.. it should be in your living room.. At least you didn't say "nice wet box"
Veronica K Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 You really go the extra mile to find out what's on her mind.
Author Gold Pile Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 I read it as a metaphorical return to the womb... GP - when you come out, do you come out head first, or legs first (i.e. breech)? Legs 1st
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 You know what GP? I have total faith in you, it won't be long before she is living in your closet on a dirty blanket, content to cook, clean, and provide you with sexual release when it suits you. She can have the stuffed squirrel to keep her company when you work longer hours. Good luck.
Author Gold Pile Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 I want to know what lead up to the finding of the sweet spot originally..... and the squirrel being stored.. it should be in your living room.. At least you didn't say "nice wet box"Hi Art!, The squirrel was purchased and stored there for a cover story. Any stuffed critter would have done the trick. I should have offered to give her a wet box.
Author Gold Pile Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 You know what GP? I have total faith in you, it won't be long before she is living in your closet on a dirty blanket, content to cook, clean, and provide you with sexual release when it suits you. She can have the stuffed squirrel to keep her company when you work longer hours. Good luck. You've described my dream life (except for the dirty blanket:mad:)
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