nousername Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 So this is the story: I am 26, my bf is 18. He lives with me. We have been together for 19 months. He also works in my company. I do not get along with his family nor do I speak to them. I haven't spoken to them in months for a number of reasons including that they mistreat and neglect him, they go out of their way to hurt me and him, and they are plain devious and two-faced. He also doesn't really speak to them except to his father. So this is my question: Last month his mother and father got remarried after being divorced for 6 years. They then decided to go on a family trip for a month overseas. My bf decided to go along. Last week Monday the 13th he went overseas with his parents and 3 younger siblings. According to him, it was a sacrifice of his own convictions and he went with for his father, as well as this according to him will be the one and only time this will ever happen. However I know him better than anyone and I know that when he is on holiday, he is the most selfish pleasure seeker and does not give a damn about anyone but himself. From my side, I feel it is hypocritical to not speak to them, and not even go to their wedding as he felt it was wrong of them to get remarried (because his mother is a money grabbing monster who remarried him for money), but it's fine to go overseas with them for a month. He's also overseas with the very people who try and hurt me and harm me. Coupled with the fact that he left me to run the business not caring at all about the business, but wanting money. So up until this past Saturday night, I have to give him credit in that he has kept in daily contact which was a huge problem last year when he went to the sea for a week with friends and I never heard from him once. So on Saturday night I told him my feelings and he got all defensive but then we talked it out and he gave me a lip service apology. However, the next day I tried to call him and couldn't get hold of him the whole day. When I eventually got hold of him, he told me he was on the bus the whole day and didn't hear his phone ring. Nonsense since I spoke to his friend who managed to get hold of him fine. Haven't heard from him in 3 days and his phone is off. In this day and age, one can't use the excuse of no airtime or flat batteries. Everyone around has a phone. He has email in the hotel. But since my conversation with him, I haven't heard from him and his phone is off. He puts absolutely no effort into contacting me now. I must admit I was surprised the first week as I never thought I would miss him as much as I did. of course there's also the fear that his family will try and persuade him to leave me. They have tried before and once succeeded but this was early on in the relationship and more than a year ago. If anyone has some thoughts or views to share on this situation, I would love the advice.
jamesum Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 26 and 18 is quite an age gap. He is still a child.
Author nousername Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 I agree in some sense. But he's completely independent of his family and lives with me and he is very mature in the sense of being in a committed relationship.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 he is very mature in the sense of being in a committed relationship. What sorts of things show his maturity? I only saw things in your post that showed the opposite. I don't think his parents would have to try very hard to get him to leave - it sounds like he is on the way out on his own.
Author nousername Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 He is mature in the relationship sense in that he works very hard and puts in a lot of effort into our relationship. He shows lots of love and care and concern. He expresses his feelings well and displays a relatively good level of emotional integrity with regards to fights or arguments, letting me know if something is bothering him etc. He's not a typically emotionally sterile male in any sense. As regards his ability to handle and be in a committed relationship, I would say he is way beyond his years. But, when he is with his family, he becomes a different person.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 He is mature in the relationship sense in that he works very hard and puts in a lot of effort into our relationship. He shows lots of love and care and concern. He expresses his feelings well and displays a relatively good level of emotional integrity with regards to fights or arguments, letting me know if something is bothering him etc. He's not a typically emotionally sterile male in any sense. As regards his ability to handle and be in a committed relationship, I would say he is way beyond his years. But, when he is with his family, he becomes a different person. It sounds like you started dating him at 17, which is not appropriate. I understand some of how you feel, but just because a kid acts somewhat mature doesn't mean he IS mature. The diapers should have been a dead giveaway. If you want someone who isn't selfish acting, date someone age appropriate. As a side note, you may find him increasingly difficult to dominate and control as time progresses.
Stung Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 It sounds like you started dating him at 17, which is not appropriate. I understand some of how you feel, but just because a kid acts somewhat mature doesn't mean he IS mature. ... If you want someone who isn't selfish acting, date someone age appropriate. Agreed. OP, I know you do care about this guy, but he is still more of a child than a man, despite his status as a legal adult. He probably does love you and is trying to commit a lot of his resources to the relationship, making him seem 'mature' in your eyes, but he's in his awkward transition years and of course he's selfish and difficult and hedonistic, too. Please read your own posts again and tell me how mature you would really think the guy was if you weren't emotionally involved. There's simply too much of an age gap for this relationship to really work out, IMO, as a teenager just doesn't have the emotional/communicative tools to come to adult understandings and compromises with a 26 year old on serious core issues.
Recommended Posts