Hopelessness Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 (edited) A while back, I was in a relationship with this guy for a year, but it was one of those relationships where you know you shouldve gotten out of long ago--but just never did. I was always turning to his best friend for advice...We would have late night parties, and it was his best friend and I that would stay up chatting until the wee hours. ---then we both just realized that the chemistry was undeniable and that we were actually made for eachother. I felt like because I got to know him as a friend, he really completed me and I know he felt the same way...Anyways, shortly after I had broke up with my then bf, but because they were best friends for 10 years my now bf and I had to keep it a secret from EVERYONE. This secret has gone on for a year and a half now, and although I believe we are strong to have made it this far... a part of me still wishes that we could have what other people have. In the beginning, our relationship was really intense....we wanted to marry eachother, have kids etc....its like i fell in love with my best friend....and at first i understood the reasons why we cant go public because we had done my ex wrong, and that "bros" just dont do things like that? It sucks because my ex doesnt own me, and i truly feel much happier with my bf now. .... but now its been over a year and a half and although we never fight, the thing that puts stress on our relationship the most is the fact that i want to come clean and he doesnt.. at first his excuse was: we have to wait until my ex finds a girlfriend that he loves (becasue my ex is still in love with me)... but I dont want my happiness be based on whether or not someone finds a relationship or not. my bf also said that he jsut doesnt know how to face his friends....basically he'll lsoe all his friends because he was known as the guy that everyone can trust.... there were several times where I gave him ultimatims where I said I cant wait anymore, but somehow he manages to reel me bck in with no solution to our problems....one time when I said I'd leave, he said that he will tell my ex....but once I came back he never did.... see the problem between us is that when we are together we are reallly really good....its like a fairytale romance...well at least on my part...but then when i see other couples who are able to profess their love i get jealous..and thats when it becomes a problem because inside me it hurts so much and i want to be with him so badly....its like a never ending cycle that jsut goes around and around..... recently tho, i noticed a change in him, it's like he knows i'll always be around.. i mean i said i'd leave many times but he called my bluff...i'm starting to feel really insecure, and althougH I trust him 100% I cant help but wonder why he wont make it happen....He is a vvery friendly good looking guy, and girls area always wanting to be his friends...and although i trust him, i found him lying about hanging out with them several times..(these girls have bf) i'm starting to feel really insecure because no one knows that he has a gf...so girls can throw themselves at him and one day he might actually like these girls.....plus he has to act like hes single when its boys night out.....he went from having his entire life revolve around me...to making me feel like i'm not priority anymore...i feel so out of balance cuz i gave up my friends to be with him...although i am trying to fix that and regain some of my own life....but i think he is the way he is cuz him and his ex were inserperable until she cheated on him, and so i think he brings those views into our relationship now...he says that he will never let a girl come in between friends... anyways, now he rearely hangs out with my ex anymore...so shouldnt he feel the need to come out? until a few weeks ago, my ex apparently found out about us but has not come to confront us...and i guess that freaked my bf out because he became really cold to me....he's going through a lot of stuff right now, moving changes, work changes, and school as well so he feels like he has a lot on his plate....he jsut doesnt want to deal with us anymore. I gave him my last ultimatum to make it happen, and he told me that he always imagined us to make it right the next time we go out, and now is not the right time because he jsut has too much to deal with and that he doesnt expect me to wait for him....even in the end of it all, he would rather lose me than to make it happen....yet when i try to leave, he still calls me, we actually go to school together...and i jsut dont know what to do anymore..... i really believe he is the one.....i believe he sees me as the one too, but we've reached a stall in our relationship and i think he also wants to enjoy his single life, but also doesnt want to lose me...how do i make him see that i am a good investment....our relationship has become such a burden now and i jsut want to know how to get us out of this rut... i know that a relationship shouldnt be about playing games...but honestly games is what it takes to make the other person see what it is that they want.....i know that we are great togther we jsut need to get ourselves out of this....what should i do? i'm jsut hurting so much right now..is he jsut making excuses after exccuses or are these valid? Edited September 21, 2010 by Hopelessness
Mutant Debutante Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Never trust a man who keeps you a secret. Your relationship started out shady, but he could have brought it out into the light. Either he has no spine or he's just a natural liar. It looks like you need to work on your taste in men.
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