Justanotherdude Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 OK, I've probably beat this issue to death, but I am still not sure what to do. Simple version: Girl I'm interested in, has "man hating" attitude, and when i joked should i just give up on you? she said "all men should give up on me" on different occasions. She says this, although she agrees to hang out often. Boyfriend of over a year and a half broke up with her. Says she has no interest whatsoever in dating, completely focused on school/work. Assures me it's not me, "Please know that this isn't about you, just know I have my reasons" "You're a great guy.. " yadda yadda. This coming after I layed all my cards on the table, letting her know I was into her. Stupid i know.. I have heard both that is she is not interested and that I should believe her words at face value. She continues to text me (without me initializing it) and accepts dates. She laughs at my jokes, and seems genuinely interested in getting to know me. Would you consider this a girl who is simply taking things slow because she is "unsure" of my intentions and genuinely not wanting to jump into something or simply being nice and/or likes the attention/not interested?
welikeincrowds Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 You should not wage a bet with this girl as she is giving you the luxury of telling you that she is a longshot. Regardless, don't consider what she's thinking. Acknowledge what she's saying. And act by what she's doing. Finally, if I were you, I'd be looking for someone who is eager to date you.
bac Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I guess she wants to be just friends. I hope you do not pay for dates which she accepts because you probably do not do anything sexual with her. If you are her friend, you can ask questions about her goals ans attitudes to figure out what she wants and what the best thing for you to do with her.
Sphere Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 You have a thread about this subject and it seems like you just want someone to tell you what you want to hear? Well, she's not interested in you and just wants to be friends with you. You're in the friendzone and you aren't coming out of it. I'd just put her on the backburner if I was you and find someone who a) isn't damaged goods and b) is interested in you.
Author Justanotherdude Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 You are probably right, the reason doesn't matter. Maybe she is toying with me, to get back at her ex or men in general. Not cool, because she really gets off signs she's attracted to me. Well I guess that's it, cutting off all contact. I bought a book for her birthday that's coming up (She mentioned it casually after asking what I was reading) .. guess I'm just going to keep it and read it myself. Good idea right?
Sphere Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 It's a good idea if you believe it to be so. I agree I would cut her off or at least put her on the backburner. I mean who wants to be around someone who is damaged, eventually her misery will play on your feelings of happiness and joy!
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 You are probably right, the reason doesn't matter. Maybe she is toying with me, to get back at her ex or men in general. Not cool, because she really gets off signs she's attracted to me. Well I guess that's it, cutting off all contact. I bought a book for her birthday that's coming up (She mentioned it casually after asking what I was reading) .. guess I'm just going to keep it and read it myself. Good idea right? Hey... not so fast! Chances are she is just trying to heal from the last disaster of a relationship. If you really want her... just hang in for a while and it may turn around. Eventually your going to have to push her... but for a few months... just enjoy time together and FLIRT LIKE CRAZY! Generally if she doesn't see you as BF material she won't flirt back. If your nervous then make sure to tell her you want her to be your GF at some point. She should be honest as to her intentions. Unless your wanting things to go very fast. Then just move on.
james3232 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 OK, I've probably beat this issue to death, but I am still not sure what to do. Simple version: Girl I'm interested in, has "man hating" attitude, and when i joked should i just give up on you? she said "all men should give up on me" on different occasions. She says this, although she agrees to hang out often. Boyfriend of over a year and a half broke up with her. Says she has no interest whatsoever in dating, completely focused on school/work. Assures me it's not me, "Please know that this isn't about you, just know I have my reasons" "You're a great guy.. " yadda yadda. This coming after I layed all my cards on the table, letting her know I was into her. Stupid i know.. I have heard both that is she is not interested and that I should believe her words at face value. She continues to text me (without me initializing it) and accepts dates. She laughs at my jokes, and seems genuinely interested in getting to know me. Would you consider this a girl who is simply taking things slow because she is "unsure" of my intentions and genuinely not wanting to jump into something or simply being nice and/or likes the attention/not interested? My two cents............ Put her squarely in the friend zone and go find someone else to date.
sanskrit Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 If she was attracted to you, the "man hating" attitude would never have been mentioned. If she was attracted to you, and said that, she's not worth the hassle. Move on.
Author Justanotherdude Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 Hey... not so fast! Chances are she is just trying to heal from the last disaster of a relationship. If you really want her... just hang in for a while and it may turn around. Eventually your going to have to push her... but for a few months... just enjoy time together and FLIRT LIKE CRAZY! Generally if she doesn't see you as BF material she won't flirt back. If your nervous then make sure to tell her you want her to be your GF at some point. She should be honest as to her intentions. Unless your wanting things to go very fast. Then just move on. Well she does flirt back. She likes to give me a hard time, jokes with me. Which is why I am so damn confused. I'm not one to wait around like a sucker. I will say this, she is absolutely worth it. I'm crazy about this girl (If that isn't obvious) I will say this though - I do understand why the consensus here is move on. Even though it doesn't feel like she just fed me an old tired line. I have caught myself saying "i'm not looking for anything serious right now" to another girl, and guess why I said that? Not looking for anything with HER. But along with that, I DON'T ACT like i'm into that girl. Which I why I say I suppose the reason doesn't matter, unless I boldly think I can change her mind about guys. She has this idea in her head that she is doing her thing, being single, and noone is changing that for the time being. Atleast that is what im gathering from this..
Author Justanotherdude Posted September 25, 2010 Author Posted September 25, 2010 I'd just everyone in the forum to know, I am done with this one. Finally managed to just cut all contact. Deleted her from my phone, facebook, not going to call or text. If she texts me, I'm ignoring it. I suppose if she needs an explanation as to why I suddenly disappeared, I can tell it to her straight: I don't want to be just friends. Or, screw it.. not even give her a reason. Just be done with it..
welikeincrowds Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Or, screw it.. not even give her a reason. Just be done with it.. Did something happen? Do as you will, but going NC without any sort of explanation is a little like Defcon 1. You should consider having that brief conversation with her unless your heart really cannot take it (which is a valid reason imo -- but be honest).
Author Justanotherdude Posted September 27, 2010 Author Posted September 27, 2010 Did something happen? Do as you will, but going NC without any sort of explanation is a little like Defcon 1. You should consider having that brief conversation with her unless your heart really cannot take it (which is a valid reason imo -- but be honest). Just getting tired of feeling like I'm just spinning my wheels, you know? I got her a simple gift for her birthday. Cost $10, no big deal. When I told her I got her something a week before her bday, she did the whole "oh you didnt have to get me anything!!" with a smile and seemed genuinely enthused that I got her something. I didnt make announcement of it, just said it casually. Had no further protest - seemed giddy. Birthday comes around, I text her to see when I could drop by, see what shes up to, and her attitude seems changed. Quote: "You did NOT have to get me anything. You should save the money or buy something for yourself" Of course this is a text, so I don't know the tone, but it seemed standoffish and bitchy.. Basically, she's hot and cold. We go out, have a great time together. She's texting me, she is flirty, "picks" on me, good times. Now, completely off my radar. I'm listening to the forum - f this.. NEXT please
Fire Salamander Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Good job, I once got involved with someone just like in your post. Just remember... if they give you this much headache now, in the beginning.. It'll be compounded exponentially in a month.
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