Pfiend101 Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I don't drink. Quit after getting a dui. I don't hold it over anyone's head if they drink. However it seems many people my age think I'm boring for not drinking. What are your thoughts. Would you date someone who doesn't drink?
denise_xo Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I don't drink. Quit after getting a dui. I don't hold it over anyone's head if they drink. However it seems many people my age think I'm boring for not drinking. What are your thoughts. Would you date someone who doesn't drink? Like you, I don't drink but don't care what others do. My experience is that it is widely dependent on the kind of social circle you connect to. I grew up in a binge drinking culture where people often find my abstinence threatening or incomprehensible (once pregnancy or religious motives are ruled out, I'm faced with a blank stare ). When I move out of that particular social crowd many people seem to either appreciate it or just don't care very much either way. I don't know how old you are, but it's easier for me now than six or seven years ago as people move into new/other life stages where going to bars etc takes less attention. Personally, I wouldn't want a partner who drinks every day or who gets drunk more than once a month or so. On the other side, I have a good friend with an abstinent husband who wishes he would share some wine with her from time to time. I guess some compatibility is good to aim for.
Citizen Erased Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I very rarely drink so no, it wouldn't bother me. I haven't been as keen to go out with people my age as I also get the blank stares when I say I'm not drinking. I actually can't because of medication I take (I particularly can't drink wine, it does NOT mix well as I have discovered) so at least I have an "excuse" to give people. I do make exceptions, and my tolerance for alcohol is still at the same level which is good. But I rarely do anymore. Someone that drinks too much is a major turn off to me. I just don't find it attractive for my partner to be passed out/throwing up. It seems very immature to me.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I'm a social drinker. Even so, I rarely ever drink outside of get-togethers. I get bugged by my friends alot if I tell them I don't want to drink especially since I used to drink alot at parties. Nowadays, I hardly touch a drop unless absolutely necessary. It's about being comfortable with who you are. I don't drink due to health reasons ( i.e. training and exercise) so I don't drink. There are other ways to have fun asides from killing your liver or packing on empty calories. I don't mind if my date drinks but I would hesitate to date someone who felt compelled to pressure me to do the same.
Lemontang Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Having come out of a relationship where my ex was an alcoholic I'd find it refreshing to date someone who didn't feel the need to drink when out with friends. I myself do drink but 'very' sparsely, in fact I have so much alcohol at home people think I'm a collector, it's just I'm lucky to even open a bottle of wine once every 2-3 months and more so just for cooking.
phineas Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 As long as you don't get pissy with me for drinking I don't care. Some women who don't drink seem to think any guy who has more than 3 beers has a drinking problem & isn't shy about telling them. That pisses me off because I like beer. I can drink & not get stupid but a lot of women I know had ex's that were drunks & think every guy who drinks is going to become their ex. I usually loose interest in those women because I know every time I grab a beer i'm going to get crap & I really don't want to deal with that.
Gallaxia Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 (edited) It'd be OK but for me a bit difficult. My job is food & (adult) beverage-based... so it's almost a requisite- especially for events & functions- and if they were to join me it'd be especially hard. But you kind of know that going in. Whatever the case, I wouldn't hold it against someone- whether they did or didn't. But if they did, I'd hope they could keep it under control. Edited September 19, 2010 by Gallaxia
desertmoon Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I don't usually drink, but do not hold it against anybody who drink responsibly. Are you as much fun to be around with even when not drinking? Because if not, then maybe you should probably not hang out with those people. On the other hand, a woman who thinks less of you because you do not drink needs to grow up and not worth your time.
Dazzel Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 This is a rough area for me. As shallow as this sounds, my boyfriend doesn't drink and that almost stopped me from dating him at first. Sometimes I still struggle with it. I don't care if someone doesn't do it. I just don't want them telling me not to do it. I let him know early on in the relationship that I drink and he didn't bother him. He does think drinking is stupid and adamantly refuses to ever try it, however. Yet, my relationship with alcohol is not a healthy one. I have an addictive personality and am bipolar. I often turn to heavy liquor when I am down. And it has gotten very serious at some points. So for me, being with someone who says you can't drink is like saying you can't take your "happy meds". I'm on regular meds, yes. But I still like my booze. I am aware my reasons aren't really what you'd call admirable. And I'm not proud of myself. But it's something that is important to me. I rely on it heavily sometimes. I won't be with someone who tells me I can't do it if I want to stay with them.
alexlakeman Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I drink, and will NOT date a woman who doesn't. I love to drink, and if you are at happy hour, every one is drinking, and you SO doesn't drink, she's out of the loop. One of the first questions I ask when I meet someone is , "so what do you like to drink when you go out?" A nice way of saying "do you drink alcki?" I guess there enough non drinkers out there to stick together and date each other and leave us drinkers alone, lol.... Nothing wrong with it, just not my cup of tea.
brainygirl Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I grew up in a house that was hell thanks to two alcoholic and drug using parents. I am not addicted to either, have rarely drank and never used drugs. I don't mind going out to clubs with friends or guys, but I don't drink much at all. If someone pressures me to drink more than I want, its a sign I need to dump them. I'd just order what ever you want, water, diet coke, real coke, and let theo thers you are with do the same. No big deal.
squeaky Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 my ex boyfriend didn't drink, and i do drink, and it never bothered me at all. we accepted and respected each others lifestyle choices and it was never an issue for us. he never tried to tell me not to drink, and i was never bored or anything just because he was sober.
loverofloveandstuff Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I wouldn't care at all. I drink when I'm in the company of others who are drinking but I probably wouldn't drink alone. I know what it's like to be under the pressure to drink. I used to work at a cocktail bar on the weekends ( didn't make the drinks but I wish I knew how, some of them were amazing!). All the staff would do shots all night and we'd all kick back and have drinks after work. That was fine for them as they could all handle their alcohol, not so much for me though. I felt really unsocial if I didn't drink so I kind of felt obliged.
WalkingtheAbyss Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I can't see a problem with it. Its like saying i'm not dating you because you don't share all the same interests as me. So what if you don't drink.
alphamale Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Would you date someone who doesn't drink? no i wouldn't, non-drinkers are usually control freaks and tend to be boring
Dazzel Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 no i wouldn't, non-drinkers are usually control freaks and tend to be boring I really hate to say this and I know it's not true for all instances, but I have noticed this with a lot of non-drinkers. My current boyfriend seems to like to control people (especially his little brother) and my ex didn't drink either. He seemed to want things his way rather than listen to what others have to say or feel. Of course, I have met non-drinkers who aren't like this at all and are fun people. But I think alphamale has noticed a truth about a lot of non-drinkers.
Art_Critic Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I'm a non drinker and never had any trouble dating.. Every girl I have every dated would drink while we were going out.. My wife has a few drinks a week if that... Many of the girls I dated drank more.. some even to the point of drinking too much but it never really impacted dating and how much fun we all had or where we would go...
brainygirl Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I really hate to say this and I know it's not true for all instances, but I have noticed this with a lot of non-drinkers. My current boyfriend seems to like to control people (especially his little brother) and my ex didn't drink either. He seemed to want things his way rather than listen to what others have to say or feel. Of course, I have met non-drinkers who aren't like this at all and are fun people. But I think alphamale has noticed a truth about a lot of non-drinkers. I can see how a personality that liked to be incontrol of all situations would avoid becoming drunk. But for me its more that I associate drinking with yelling, fighting, fear, and pain. As an aside, I've also been accused of being a control freak although I do not consider myself to be one. So who knows.
ChicaMusica Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I have no problem with people who drink. I have no problem with people who don't drink. I DO have a problem with those people who think that everyone has to be piss drunk at a party to have any fun and if it doesn't have alcohol it must suck. Also I don't like those who lecture people about drinking if they arent having nearly enough to get drunk. Although personally someone who doesn'tt really drink would be ideal. I'm sick of these party boys who chug a bottle every night.
kahn2154 Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I don't drink because I'm form a family of alcoholics. Pretty much every drinker also seems to be offended at the fact I don't drink even when I tell them why I don't. I also am boring though and think I've missed out on so much in life because I don't drink, probably could get loose a little if I did. I also seem to never be invited to social gatherings as a result of it, sigh
Art_Critic Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 (edited) Pretty much every drinker also seems to be offended at the fact I don't drink even when I tell them why I don't. What exactly are you telling them ? If a person choses to not drink.. for whatever reason.. they don't have to make excuses for that.. I just tell people I don't drink.. if they ask why I tell them I had a problem with alcohol many years ago and prefer to not drink and go down that path again. If I know them well enough then I tell them I'm an Alcoholic and have been sober almost 24 years.. that pretty much shuts them up... If they can't handle the truth and judge me for not drinking then who the eff cares..? I certainly don't care what they think if they judge me for saving my life and making myself happy.. Edited September 20, 2010 by Art_Critic
EasyHeart Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I'm not a non-drinker, but I drink very little alcohol. Mostly for health reasons and because I don't particularly enjoy it. I don't drink at professional events and I absolutely don't drink when I'm going to drive. In groups, unless people hear me ordering my drink, they rarely know I'm not drinking, because I'm louder and more obnoxious when I'm sober than most people are when they're drunk. In dating situations, I'm always surprised at the reaction I get from some women. It's usually some form of surprise or even shock, often leading to outrage. Then I get the "Oh, well if you're not going to drink then I guess I won't either," and they sit and pout for the rest of the evening. In some ways, I guess it turns out to be a pretty good filter for weeding out (1) women who think hanging out in bars is cool and (2) women who can't be comfortable without being drunk. And I've noticed that really insecure women can't "relax" unless they have a few drinks in them. That's called "self-medication".
denise_xo Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 What exactly are you telling them ? If a person choses to not drink.. for whatever reason.. they don't have to make excuses for that.. I agree with you in principle but my experience is that certain people do demand excuses and get edgy if they don't get one to their liking. Where I live, no one will question anyone having a beer or glass of wine, but as soon as you go non-alcoholic you have to justify it because you stir up some kind of collegial agreement that everyone should be a bit tipsy and it makes people uncomfortable to have an 'outsider' around the table. I do get sick of it from time to time, although my alcoholism line also tends to shut people up. I remember trying to quit drinking and facing my alcohol problem head on and having close friends telling me that was such a shame because I would become more boring. It wasn't really what I needed to hear at the time but I know it wasn't ill intended, it's just so ingrained in some people's minds that having fun without alcohol just appears impossible.
LisaLee Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 My boyfriend doesn't drink at all. Doesn't bother me one bit.
Rorschach Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I don't drink because I had cancer when I was in the 5th-8th grade. It knocked 90% of the sight from my right eye and maybe 20% of the sight from my left. It couldn't be operated on but it was treated with chemo and is now lying dormant. I avoid doing ANYTHING that could set it off, any chemicals like alcohol, cigarettes or drugs never go in my body. At most I'll drink a single beer when out with friends just so nobody questions me. On top of the fear of having cancer come back I don't like losing control of my body in any way, when you've been through something that forcibly STOLE your eyesight, you don't want to give up any of your other senses, and you want to fight to keep what you still have. Drinking to the point of drunkeness or even a heavy buzz makes me feel like I'm losing what control I have on myself, and I hate that feeling. As far as what other people do around me, if they want to drink I don't really care, I prefer to be around sober people than drunk people but it's not a strong preference. Cigarettes or drugs are instant-launch though.
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