Dating a single mum with external issues

[Lemontang]

Hey peeps just after some advice from the LS knowledge pool.

 

Had a fantastic date with a single mum of 3 tonight, it went 'really' well even though I had no expectations on how it would pan out, needless to say she wants to catch up again next Tuesday and I was unexpectedly captivated by her as well.

 

Now aside from all the positives she did bring a few things to my attention that I guess I'm over analysing now since it's 'very' early days, but figured is important to clear up within myself before I allow myself to take this any deeper. First up I have no issues in dating single mums I've done it a few times before and on the ones that became quite serious I have always been aware of the fact I'd play 2nd fiddle to the kids and that the father in most cases would be involved in some way and this has never bothered me...until now.

 

Turns out this girls estranged husband (they've been separated for 2 years) is a drug addict and has been struggling with his addiction for most of his adult life (he's 37, she's 29), however because he's in 'the program' the courts have ruled he has the kids 3 nights a week. Now I'm all for the kids to have their father in their lives, but this one bothers me because of his addiction and the fact that because he knows she's dating people, he often doesn't collect the kids just to make it hard for her and simply vanishes, especially when he knows she has no one else to take them.

 

Like I said it's early days so we're not at the "mum has a friend she'd like you to meet kids" stage yet and may never get to that stage who knows. But I do think it's important to garner an insight sooner rather than later from the LS gang even if for a different perspective at looking at things I haven't yet considered.

 

I do strongly believe she has every right to be happy and I'm actually quite taken by this girl (a very rare feat in my book) and she wants nothing more than to cut out the dead weight from her life but it's the issues I'm likely to face with the estranged husband/addict I'm concerned with.

 

Thoughts?

Edited September 18, 2010 by Lemontang
spelling

[Gallaxia]

Sorry LT, That's a tough spot to be in.

 

If the father cannot (ever) kick his addiction, it will be just as it is now. Do you think that what you've witnessed/experienced is something you could handle forever? If it led to that?

[Lemontang]

That's just it I've dealt with this stuff before, a previous ex of mine her ex was an alcoholic/gambling addict (yep I can pick 'em), but he lived 2hrs away and only had his daughter for 3 days every 2nd week. So I very rarely had to deal with him, though we were both quite civil and he was always about his daughter and hadn't relapsed so to speak in a few years. This guy on the other hand is constantly on & off the junk (meth/speed, eccy's) and lives in the same town. I'm yet to come face to face with him and without being stereotypical I find these type of people to be unpredictable especially when he has nothing (as a lot of junkies tend to have) and I'm quite well off.