LoveLace Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 My cousin's best buddy T has always liked me. Since he got divorced a few years ago, anyway. But I've never felt attracted to him. Lately we've ran into eachother a lot and one night we kissed. It wasn't bad, but I didn't find myself yearning to do it again. We chatted some after that, but I just never felt this drive to hang out with him more. I'm only slightly attracted to him. But he's a fun person who treats people kindly. He's invited me out to many things but I've always had a reason to say no..weather it's work, other plans, or just plain not in a hurry to see him. But the other day I was out somewhere, had no one to hang out with, and invited him impulsively. He showed and we had ourselves a fun couple of hours. But he didn't try to kiss me again, which I was glad. I want to hang out with him more but I don't want to string him along because I still only feel slightly attracted. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I can't picture myself as a girlfriend to him...at this point. Part of me wishes I would change my mind about that, part of me wants to keep hanging with him, hoping I will grow more into him. But if I hurt his feelings that would stink, so it makes me want to keep my time with him at a very minimal amount, and keep my distance. I guess if I wasn't afraid of that then I would have myself a good thing...I never go for his invites, but he showed up right away for mine...I know my effort isn't up there with his, and I'm always trying to find a date and avoid making him a date. I feel like a bad person because of this, and have other interests going on besides him. But he's the only one actively calling me these days. I feel like I'm using him?
bayouboi Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 i kept waiting to see what ur revelation was as to why you're still single. didn't c it. also, stop stringing this poor guy along.
Author LoveLace Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 i kept waiting to see what ur revelation was as to why you're still single. didn't c it. also, stop stringing this poor guy along. Through experience we grow and learn more about ourselves I think I'm just disappointed in myself that I can't seem to let a connection happen when I get the opportunity. Your right I've never bothered to see it because I always want to blame failed connection on the guy, when really I think it's me. Sometimes we need things to happen in order to get a new perspective, that's life. I figure if I want to hang out with him more I'll just be clear that I only want to be friends, though I think he knows that already. But I'm not desiring huge doses of time with him, nor am I acting like I do. I appreciate that he's so patient with me that way. But I've been the one getting the wrong idea enough times that I'm afraid of doing it to someone else...he's a good person that doesn't deserve it, I don't need someone to tell me that much...
SteveC80 Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 I always laugh when medicore lookign guys on here convince thmeslves women dont have to be that physically attracted to you if you show personality,women are just as visual and looks are just as important to them then Men If shes not physically attracted to you then you have little chance unless shes ugly herself and has no other options
Author LoveLace Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 I always laugh when medicore lookign guys on here convince thmeslves women dont have to be that physically attracted to you if you show personality,women are just as visual and looks are just as important to them then Men If shes not physically attracted to you then you have little chance unless shes ugly herself and has no other options There is truth to that, it's not as though I've only dated major hotties, lol. But personality can spark sex appeal despite of looks. I don't get that from T and only sometimes do men get it from me I am plain looking in my eyes, some love that, others don't. T has a good personality but it's not the kind that makes me turned on when I see him I wish I could feel differently.
shadowplay Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 I am plain looking in my eyes, some love that, others don't. T has a good personality but it's not the kind that makes me turned on when I see him I wish I could feel differently. I've read a lot of your threads and I think you have the same problem as I do. I've never seen a picture of you, but I would guess that you're average looking yet you're only attracted to guys who are above average. Only two solutions to your problem. Improve your appearance. Settle for average looking guys.
Author LoveLace Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 I've read a lot of your threads and I think you have the same problem as I do. I've never seen a picture of you, but I would guess that you're average looking yet you're only attracted to guys who are above average. Only two solutions to your problem. Improve your appearance. Settle for average looking guys. I have gone for "above average" before but the only one I've really been in love with in 5 years was actually almost ugly. I fell in love with the man inside but the problem was he never wanted to commit. And I am complimented on my appearnce quite frequently but that doesn't mean I should be any guy's type. We all are attracted to different things so I don't take it personally...when I was less secure about my looks, I took it personally. Now I'm more secure in my own skin than I"ve ever been, and I'm pretty happy with my body and everything attached to it. I'm not overweight and have pretty good fashion sense when I dress up to go out. I'm very particular about how my hair looks already. Just saying if I was any more particular about my appearance, it would be too self consuming. When I say plain looking it's because I am not a fan of lots of make-up, and often get told I don't need it, either. It doesn't take much for me to look like a whore; I only use a little so I'll look less plain; but some guys do like a lot of make up compared to what I wear. Some don't. I'm a former anorexic and it took me years to be 100% happy with my body. If I get too picky about that I'll put myself in the danger zone of old habits. Any I've been hurt by both average AND above average guys, and I've hurt both of the same. So I don't feel that I fall for only above average, by any means, though I have before. I guess for whatever reason I just can't get past a friendly feeling with T even though I want to. He's average looking but I don't think that's my problem. If something about his personality lit my fire, his looks wouldn't matter. I've met a lot of very boring "above average" guys too, and I don't fall for them just the same as I am not falling for T. For whatever reason, a spark isn't there for me and for some other reason that I can't put a finger on, I wish it was there.
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Just saying if I was any more particular about my appearance, it would be too self consuming. I think this is a healthy attitude, LL. You care enough to present your best self, but you're not obsessive. As for this guy, don't blame yourself too much. You can't force connection/chemistry.
SteveC80 Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 I've read a lot of your threads and I think you have the same problem as I do. I've never seen a picture of you, but I would guess that you're average looking yet you're only attracted to guys who are above average. Only two solutions to your problem. Improve your appearance. Settle for average looking guys. If shes average herself she woldnt be settling for an average guy shed be going with somebody whos on her level oon the social food chain
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Settle for average looking guys. I couldn't disagree more. Look for the relationship you want, and you'll end up finding the guy you want. He will be the most beautiful man in the world to you if you approach it that way. I think of all the troubled daters on LS, you have the most potential to do this successfully, as you're one of the least shallow.
Ariadne Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Hi LL, Given your bad luck, and given that this guy is still somewhat interested.. I'd give it a chance. Maybe he's a cool guy, you never know. Good luck this time!
shadowplay Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 I couldn't disagree more. Look for the relationship you want, and you'll end up finding the guy you want. He will be the most beautiful man in the world to you if you approach it that way. I think of all the troubled daters on LS, you have the most potential to do this successfully, as you're one of the least shallow. Well, I agree that that's good advice. I do think there has to be some modicum of physical attraction, though, for the relationship to be sustainable.
Ariadne Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Lately we've ran into each other a lot and one night we kissed. It wasn't bad, but I didn't find myself yearning to do it again. And since you already kissed him and enjoyed hanging out with him I don't see why not.
lso802 Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Sometimes you're just not attracted to someone and shouldn't force it. You should let this guy know though and see if he wants to hang out with you regardless. Then you wouldn't feel so guilty, when you do spend time with him.
Star Gazer Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Well, I agree that that's good advice. I do think there has to be some modicum of physical attraction, though, for the relationship to be sustainable. Sure, but you can be physically attracted to someone that someone else would think was below- or just average. Physical attraction is still based on more than what's on the outside.
Author LoveLace Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 I couldn't disagree more. Look for the relationship you want, and you'll end up finding the guy you want. He will be the most beautiful man in the world to you if you approach it that way. I think of all the troubled daters on LS, you have the most potential to do this successfully, as you're one of the least shallow. Thanks that makes me feel better, actually, that I'm not a bad person for not being more into the guy. Tonight he invited me out somewhere and I just can't get the desire to hurry my butt up and go see him. The drive isn't there. I wish it was but I guess I'm wishing it was with someone else instead of him. Maybe the fact that he grew up with my cousin and it practically makes him family, is a reason why I'm not as interested as I'd like to be. So tonight instead I'm just going to go have a quiet drink somewhere, and yes I"ll be bored and lonely but I'd rather do that then start letting T think I'm really into him when I'm not. And remember C? How he dedicated all his spare time to me even though he knew he wasn't as into me as I wanted? I don't even know how he was able to let himself do that. Because the idea of being that person to this guy makes me pretty uncomfortable.
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